June looked up, away from her computer screen, blinking to try to remove the imprint of the document she had been studying from her eyes. She glanced up as she saw movement through the blinds, immediately recognised the person as Jim, and was immediately concerned at his slow movements, the way he wiped his hand across his face and through his hair, a gesture she knew well.
She stood, rolling her eyes as she tripped, again, over the metal bin beside her desk. Then she ran to the door, opening it wide, then slowing, not wanting to appear too eager, or worried. "Jim - I was hoping to catch you."
He spun round slowly to look at her as she leant in the doorway. "June. What do you want?"
"I need a word." She gestured with her head back into the office, noting his tired eyes, the mussed hair, the day's growth of blond stubble on his chin.
"Are you alright?" She asked, pushing the bin out of the way into the corner and sitting back down.
He walked slowly into the office, pushing the door shut behind him, leaning up against a wall. "I'm all yours."
"Are you alright?" She asked, pushing the bin out of the way into the corner and sitting back down.
"I'm fine." He muttered, studying the floor intently.
"It's just you've got that 'I spent all night on the sofa' look that I remember so well."
"Maybe I did June, am I so predictable?"
"You're anything but predictable. Sit down, Jim, you're making the place look untidy."
He threw himself down onto the chair opposite June and sighed loudly. "So what did you want?"
"I wanted to ask you about this case." She held up a file. "That you got Cathy to drop off to me yesterday, a case *she* knows nothing about."
"Simon Johnson, race crime... why do I get the feeling you're not exactly up to par today." She dropped the file back to the desk.
"Got things on my mind... what do you want to know about it?"
"Oh, nothing. It was just an excuse to get you in here. I'm worried about you. You don't look well."
"Until you stop telling me you're *fine* and tell me the truth. You're not still drinking, are you?"
"What do you take me for?" He snapped, jumping to his feet and heading to the door.
"Jim, STOP this!" She snapped, her tone authoritative.
"Stop WHAT June? You're the one making this into something." He placed his hand on the door handle. "And I'm not in the mood for it."
"Go on then, bottle it all up and bring everyone else down like you always do."
He shook his head angrily. "Just stay out of it June."
"Why can't you just talk to me?"
"Because there's nothing to talk about..."
"You're lying."
"You're the one who dragged me in here to make something out of nothing. I'm NOT lying, there's nothing to lie about. Now excuse me, I've got work to do." He opened the door.
June stood, reached the door before him and pushed it shut, keeping her hand flat on it. "The baby hasn't changed anything, has it."
"That's got nothing to do with you."
"If it's hurting you it has everything to do with me."
"I wish you'd just leave me alone..." He glowered at her. "We're not even friends anymore so stop pushing it."
June stared at him, her eyes glistening with tears. "What did you just say?"
"I said that we're nothing more than colleagues anymore..."
"I thought we had agreed... Jim, why do you have to keep on doing this? Are you doing this on purpose, do you hate me *that* much?"
"We agreed to be civil... I'm sorry June but I can't forget the things you said to me... you really hurt me." He wrung his hands together, concentrating on them. "I don't see how we can move on from this."
"I can't bear not to have you in my life. I'm sorry but that's a fact."
"I've got my own life now June... Marie and my child."
"Then why do you look so unhappy?"
"Please don't do this June." He glanced up at her. "Don't push me..."
"Why, what are you going to do?"
"I'm not going to do ANYTHING. Why do you always make such a big issue out of everything?"
"Me?! If there's nothing wrong why do you come in here looking like something the cat's dragged in, mooching around, you might was well have a sign over your head saying "feel sorry for me"! But then if anyone asks you what is wrong, you snap their heads off! It really is time you grew up, PC Carver."
"Me grow up? Take a look at yourself Saint June... and I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I came in here to do my job and you drag me in here and starting fussing around like an old woman. Face it June, I'm going to be a dad now... I've got new priorities in life."
"What the hell kind of father are you going to be. Look at yourself."
"What is this pick on Jim day? Got no-one whose life you can make hell so you turn to me again. I'll make a better father than you would a mother."
"You can't even look after yourself, remember? Remember that bout of self pity over a pint of lager? The day before you decided to destroy me?"
"Oh back to you again." He looked at his watch. "Took you nearly ten minutes, you're losing the knack..."
"Go home, Jim."
"Hit a nerve have I? I'm going to CSU to do my job before I get interrupted again."
"No, you're not. You're suspended."
"You can't suspend me..."
"Insubordination to a superior officer are grounds for suspension."
"This just to get back at me is it? Ramani won't be pleased, we're snowed under up there."
"It's about time somebody taught you, you can't just go around acting like you own the place, that you can't constantly be in these moods, raging at people... it's been going on too long, and it's about time you were made to face up to your behaviour."
"I'm not raging around, it's all you... you rub me up the wrong way, digging and prying... haven't you got anything better to do? Or is this just another part of your sick revenge plan? Tell me you'll take me back then reject me again, and punish me for it. Maybe you should face up to your behaviour June, everyone's noticed you know."
"You are SO self involved. This is a public service, Jim, and we don't need people like you in the force."
"And we need bunny boilers like you in here? Can't hold down a relationship so you'll make damn sure no one else can be happy either."
"You are *not* happy." June snapped. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you are happy."
Jim glared at her. "I'm happy. Satisfied."
"Then look it. I can see right inside you, Jim Carver. I've been with you through every single emotion in the past 20 years. Pain, anger, love, frustration, all of it. You can't hide any of it from me."
"Believe what you will." He snorted. "Maybe you should take up tea leaf reading?"
"That's it. You're on a disciplinary." June stalked away. "Go up to CSU, do what you will, but I will ensure that whatever time that you remain here, will be as miserable as possible."
"So because you're not happy, I can't be happy either? I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here to rub your nose in it day in, day out. Might even put in a complaint about your recent behaviour..."
"Shut up, Jim, just shut up." She fumed at him. "All I did was ask you if you were alright. It is YOU that made a drama out of a crisis. You were defensive, I've interviewed thousands of people in all my years here and I know what defensiveness is like. You couldn't just say "yes" simply, smile and let me believe it."
"You wouldn't have believed me if I had... you'd have still started chipping away..." He glared at her. "Maybe it would be best if you did leave."
"Why don't you leave? Look after Baby Carver." She nodded as he flinched. "That is if there is a baby Carver."
"You don't believe that either do you? I'm not lying to you June, Marie is pregnant - giving me the one thing I always wanted."
"You are lying to me. And I wouldn't be surprised if she is lying to you. If your marriage is so good, Jim, why do you look like you've barely slept. I know when you've had a night on the sofa, you get a creases on your face... right here." She reached up to touch his face.
He flinched away. "Marie's uncomfortable at the moment, I want to give her some space to rest. And don't you dare accuse my wife of lying to me, you've really crossed the line this time."
"And again, he's defensive. Again, his eyes are looking away, anywhere else but at me. Again, his breathing is heavier, and yes, the hand across the mouth."
"Ever though that the reason I'm not looking at you is because I can't bear to?" He spat viciously.
"Ever thought that it's because we still love each other and you can't admit it? You can't admit that you've made a mistake?"
"You were the biggest mistake I ever made."
"Keep on kidding yourself, Jim. One day you might believe it."
"You were willing to leave her just a week ago, and you were the sober one." June shook her head. "I'm sending a report of your behaviour to Mr Okaro. It's up to him what he chooses to do next."
"You... You..." His eyes were dark with fury. "You showed your true colours the other night June - drunk or not, what you said came from the heart and I know you meant it. Is trying to get me sacked the only way you can think of to get revenge. You're pathetic."
"I'm not trying to get you sacked. I *will*. You've got away with too much for too long. Stand up straight, PC Carver, go to the mens room and shave and tidy yourself up. You look like a tramp."
"Least I don't behave like one."
"If I were you I would shut my mouth before you dig yourself in any deeper."
"Why don't you shut it for me? You always wanted too - remember in the cellar? It might make you feel better."
"Jim... would you like a transfer back into uniform?"
"And work with you? Not a chance."
"It's not up to you. You don't run this station. You're only a PC. Remember? Now get out of my sight. You're a disgrace to the profession."
"And you're only a sergeant remember - no matter now much you throw your weight around, you'll never run this place."
"PC Carver, be SILENT!"
"NO!"
"Then get out. Your suspension is in force as from today."
"Delighted, I wanted to spend some time with my wife, we're going to go and see our baby soon."
"She's welcome to you. You're both liars."
"Then we go together perfectly... I'd rather be a liar, than be married to the job like you."
"Jim." She approached him slowly. "You love your wife so much you couldn't even get it up for three months. "You love her so much, you spend most nights on the sofa. You love her so much, you starting drinking again as an excuse to be away from her. You love her so much, you had an affair with me."
"You bitch." Jim spat, his body shaking with fury. "How I could have ever loved such a spiteful, vicious, jealous person as you I don't know."
"But you did. Remember Brighton?"
Jim shuffled uncomfortably. "You only showed your true colours after that."
"I was upset. You can hardly blame me."
"But I do blame you."
"Jim... come on, we're both to blame in this. You've hurt me so much this year, isn't it only fair that just once I kick back?"
"Two wrongs don't make a right... I told you I'd drop everything for you, you turned me down but yet you're still digging away at me constantly... making me uncomfortable... doubting everything I do..."
"When have I been digging away at you, I've hardly seen you this past week."
"Because I've been avoiding you... everytime we try to talk we end up rowing... you make some sly comment about me, Marie and the baby." He shook his head. "I know the situation isn't perfect but that's how it is now. We've both got to move on... or grow up."
"There is no baby, Jim, is there?" She leant up against the door. "That's what all this is about."
"Of course there's a baby..."
"Look me right in the eyes and say that. Don't shout it, just say it."
"Marie's pregnant." He squirmed slightly.
"No, Jim... look me in the eyes and say it." She said softly.
Jim turned away, perched on the edge of the desk. "I haven't got any proof yet, if that's what you're asking for."
"Is that what all this is about? The state you're in, the temper?"
"I'm not in a temper."
"Jim..."
"I'm not..." He muttered.
"Jim...I really hope its true. I really hope Marie is pregnant and you come to love her, and everything is fine, believe me." She reached for his hands and he let her hold them.
He looked up at her, tears streaming down his face. "I don't know anything anymore June."
"Oh, Jim... please, don't do that." She pulled a tissue from a box and passed it to him.
"I can't help it, I'm just so wound up, and I haven't slept in days... and..." A huge sob worked its way out. "I don't love her..."
"Oh, Jim...." She pulled him into her embrace. "So you've had your doubts too?"
"She's too defensive... not letting me near her..." He rested his head against her. "There's nothing I can do."
"She's too defensive... not letting me near her..." He rested his head against her. "There's nothing I can do."
"But why is she doing this?"
"You don't think..." June stopped, pulled in a breath.
"I never think, it's too taxing..." A smiled tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Gets me into trouble."
"Good idea... is there any chance she knows about us?"
"How could she? No-one knows, do they?"
"I don't know... women often know, or at least suspect, the smell of perfume, lipstick... anything."
"We've been so careful..."
"Have we?" June shook her head. "Look, Jim...if Marie is pregnant, what are you going to do?"
"She's got me... I can't give up my child. If I break up with her, I'll never see it."
"OK. And if she isn't?"
"She won't see me for dust." He smiled at June. "When I've told her what I think of her."
"When is she going to get it confirmed?"
"We said we'd make an appointment, go and see the doctor."
"Good... OK... OK, Jim get back to work."
"I'm suspended remember?"
"You've got court the next two days, you can't get out of that. Jim, you do... have to do something about your behaviour, you do realise, I'm not the only one who's noticed, Mr Okaro has been mentioning you... just modify it a bit, OK?"
"Don't know if I can... I can't help snapping at people... I hate arguing with you, with the others. It's her doing to this to me."
"Then go with her to the doctors and we'll all know one way or another."
"If she'll let me."
"You know what's she's like." He bit his lip. "So stubborn, she's just like me."
"This needs to be settled, Jim. For everyone's sake."
"I know, I know... you're right, as always. I hate that, can't you ever be wrong?"
"Well, I try, but..." She smiled, shaking her head as she regarded him. "You know the really stupid thing."
"Other than me?"
"Yes, other than you... Jim, I'd be so happy if you could be a dad, but if it doesn't work out... I'd still have you back." She shrugged. "How stupid is that."
"You're a glutton for punishment June. I'd hate me by now."
"I can't hate you. I might dislike you, but hate? No."
"I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I was just... riled."
"We both said things we regret. Let's just forgive...and forget. Please."
"OK... I think a few people round here are sick of walking on eggshells." He looked up at her with huge eyes. "Am I forgiven for being a prat?"
"Well... of course you are." June smiled softly. "Let me know... what happens. I really do hope it turns out...whichever way you really want it."
"I... I don't know what I want." He shrugged and rubbed his face. "I'm getting too soft in my old age."
"That's what I lo...." She stopped, pulled back. "Go - you'll be late."
"Yes Sarge." Jim heaved himself off the desk. "I'm already late enough as it is."
"Nothing new there. Go." June ushered him from the room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. Her body shook in a shuddering breath. Where there had been no hope, now there seemed some light, but that would involve ending Jim's dreams of fatherhood... would he really come back to her and sacrifice that chance for ever when he had been so close?
................. on to Part Ten
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