One week later.
June sighed as she climbed the steps of Canley Court, smoothing down her uniform. This was the last place she wanted to be - it was all going to be so routine, there was no way that the defendant was going to get off his charges, her presence there was almost immaterial and there were so many other things she could be catching up on. She stepped into a small room off the main corridor shutting the door behind her with a light bang. She jumped as she looked up to see a familiar figure hunched over a pile of notes in the corner. "Jim� didn't expect to see you here."
"Big case.... very big - you must have heard of that wife who killed her husband after years of abuse... you're looking at the person who did most of the donkey work on that one while DI Nixon got the credit." He dropped his pen to the desk he had been working at. "Coffee?"
"Please." June dropped into a seat opposite him. "I should be out of here in a few hours thank god... fancy doing lunch?"
"I think they're planning to adjourn the proceedings at one, so..." Jim walked over to the coffee pot and poured her a black coffee with one sugar. "Here, just how you like it." They shared a glance as their fingers brushed together as he passed over the paper cup.
"So how are things going? Or should I not ask..."
"She's *finally* made an appointment... I mean, well, you know what it's like getting a doctors appointment, by the time you get to see them you're either better or dead."
"So when are you going then?" June sipped her coffee and winced at the heat.
"I'm not going at all, can't get away from here. She knew I had this case, but...she said it was a cancellation and the next slot she could get was in another week."
"She's going today?"
"Three pm." Jim nodded. "She's... been getting worse, more defensive, more snappy. I'm back on the sofa, as of course, it's all my fault."
"I noticed, you've still got that crease on your face..." June smiled warmly. "She's still insisting she's pregnant then?"
"Vociferously." Jim stopped and his eyes widened. "That's a big word for me." He grinned.
June laughed. "Have you been reading the dictionary again Jim? Do you need a lie down now?"
"I think I might... oh, darn, June, I can't do lunch I've arranged to go for a drink with the CPS official on this case - we're old friends, he used to be in the job, we were at Hendon together... sorry."
"That's OK..." June ducked her head trying to hide her disappointment.
"You alright?"
"Fine... just a bit tired."
"Have you been sleeping OK?"
"What's with all the concern? I should be more worried about you on that sofa."
"You know me, can sleep anywhere any place. Bet Toto has been keeping you company... remember how jealous he was when we..." He stopped, shook his head, let out a huff of air from his nostrils.
"He's certainly regained his place in my bed... have to have someone to cuddle up to on cold nights." She flushed.
"Yeah. Oh, god, it comes to something when you have to ask your wife to get a letter from her doctor confirming she's pregnant before you'll believe her." He ran his hand across his forehead. "This is all a farce, June."
"Decided what you're going to do yet?"
"I know I said I'd stay with her but I can't see it working. It's a very idealistic view to say we'll be able to stay together for sixteen, eighteen years, but I don't honestly know if I can do that."
"That's a decision you have to make on your own." She reached out for her cup, knocking over in the process. "Damn it, your notes... quick."
Jim pulled his notes away quickly, just missing the edge of the ensuing puddle. "Close call." He smiled. "June...can I ask you something?"
"Depends what it is."
"It's a relationship question." He shrugged.
"Like I'm one to give advice." June snorted, mopping up the puddle with some white roll. "Go on then..."
"Do you think it's possible to... make yourself love someone... and have it work?"
"You want an honest answer?"
"Course."
"Yeah." Jim nodded, biting his lip.
"Was that the answer you wanted?"
"It's the same answer I keep coming up with when I ask myself that question. I just need to hear someone else say it."
"Does it make a difference?" June sighed. "I can't do this for you Jim."
"I think... even if she is pregnant... maybe she'll agree to access or partial custody..."
"And you'll stay with her for that child. Deny yourself any chance of happiness... because that's the kind of person you are."
"I *can't* stay with her." He shook his head. "But isn't that being selfish... I don't know..." He slugged down the rest of his coffee. "I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and my only way out is the loss of a dream I've always had... and even if I get out, I have no place to go."
"You can start a new life without her."
"I'm just so tired of being alone." He placed his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. "I've been married for six months and I've never felt so alone."
"I'm always here for you Jim." She reached out for his hand. "Always. You're never alone."
"Yeah... I know..." He smiled lopsidedly at her. "Can't do it to you though."
"Can't do what?"
"If you're thinking, about... us..."
"I wasn't..." She pulled her hand away. "I'm through with relationships."
"Yeah. Yeah, me too." He looked up as there was a knock on the door, and it cracked open. "PC Carver... they're ready for you now."
"I guess I'll see you later. Hope it goes OK in there... and with the other stuff." June smiled up at him.
"Yeah, good luck." Jim smiled and left the room, following the besuited court usher. She watched him as she left. "I know what it's like to deny yourself happiness, Jim." She whispered. "Because that's what I'm doing right now."
***
A few hours later, June emerged from the courts into the bright sunlight. As she squinted around she saw Honey pull up outside in a patrol car, ready to start part two of June's shift. June smiled warmly at her as she eased herself into the car. "Urgh... I really hate days like today... stuck in court all morning just to tell people what they already know... what have you got planned for me now?"
"How does Canley High Street strike you?" Honey grinned. "It's a nice day, might be some talent around... sunglasses, unbuttoned shirts..."
"Oh Honey..." June laughed, amazed at the talents the young blonde had for cheering up even the grumpiest officers at Sun Hill. "Thanks."
"For what?" Honey looked at her as they pulled into the busy traffic. "How's Jim going in there, he's got that big case today hasn't he?"
"For making me smile." June glanced over at her. "I was talking to Jim earlier... I think he'll be glad when it's all over."
"Yeah, look June, I've never told ya, but I kind of nudged Jim towards Marie... he was all confused about everything and I... I'm sorry."
"What's there to be sorry for... he's old enough to make his own decisions."
"Yeah, but I was wrong, completely wrong. I went by the stars, and, you know while they're often right true love can often you know, cancel all of that out. I'd never really seen you and Jim together, and if I had... everyone can feel it, June."
"It's all water under the bridge now Honey... and anyway I'm sworn off men..."
"So you're saying if Jim left his wife tomorrow you wouldn't even consider having him back?"
"I don't know." June shrugged. "Would you?"
"Jim's a great bloke."
"He is..." June turned to look out of the window. "Marie doesn't deserve him."
"She's pregnant though, isn't she?"
"Yeah..."
"Tough one." Honey looked over at her. "He does love you, though, I can sense these things. He loves you very much."
"But it's all immaterial now isn't it... want to go and find some talent? You're still single after Fletch I take it?"
"And you love him, too." Honey smiled. "Your aura is glowing more than Jim's was just before he..." Her eyes widened. "Shut UP Honey..." She admonished herself
"Before he what Honey?" June turned to look at her. "And whether I love him or not, there's nothing I can do is there? He'll stay with Marie for the good for the baby... it's not like I can give him one. He wants children so much Honey. He'd be an amazing father... he's an amazingly strong man. I can't take that chance away from him, even if I wanted to."
"Did he ever mention kids when you were together?"
"Once." June swallowed harshly.
"What did he say?"
"He asked me if I thought he would make a good father... then suggested we get some of our own - foster, adopt I don't know... we'd been baby-sitting from Brandon... if you'd seen Jim with those children..." She stopped suddenly.
"And you reckon that's what did for you two in the end..." Honey looked at June. "What, what's up?"
"It wasn't what broke us up, but it was always there - he always tried to tell me it didn't matter, but I know him Honey." June wiped her eyes. "Ignore me, I'm being stupid again."
"You never really talked about it though, did you?"
"Why talk about something that's impossible."
"June, in a relationship you can't just assume things. Alright, Jim might want to be a dad, but did you ever consider that he might have wanted YOU more?"
"I've known him twenty years Honey, he's ALWAYS wanted to be a dad. He might say he wants me more... in fact he has said that... but I know deep down he was just saying that to make me feel better."
"Are you sure you're not just wanting to believe that? That you don't think you're good enough or deserve his love? June, you have to trust your partner, and if said he wanted you more then you should believe it. Has he... lately, has he ever said he would take you over the baby?"
June turned to look out of the window, running a hand through her hair. "You don't want to get into this Honey... it's complicated."
"He doesn't love his wife though, does he?"
"No."
"Didn't think so." Honey nodded. "But he does love you, so...what's so complicated?"
"He was all set to leave her... until he found out about the baby... he broke my heart again Honey."
"He's staying for the baby, not for her, doesn't that say something?"
"It speaks volumes... but he's hurt me so much lately Honey... I don't know if I could take him back, even if I wanted to. Plus I've said some awful things to him."
"June, just answer me this one thing."
"What?"
"Have you ever loved anyone the way you loved... love... Jim?"
June shook her head and swallowed. "No."
"Would you die for him? Give up everything for him?" Honey continued, quietly.
"Yeah." June said softly, staring at her hands in her lap.
"Do you really *want* to spend the rest of your life without him?"
"Of course not... but how do I know he won't hurt me again."
"June, he split up with you to protect you and getting married was a mistake. He's got weaknesses, he's not perfect but you just said you love him enough to die for him... June... when it comes down to it, life's to short not to take risks to get what you want."
"So what do you suggest I do then... I don't have affairs with married men, I've learnt my lesson... if he stays with Marie then what?"
"He won't." Honey said with an air of confidence as she pulled the Panda into the kerb.
"How can you be so sure?"
"I was at the wedding reception and I sensed it then. When you left..."
"What happened when I left... I've never asked anyone?"
"Smiffy told me that he'd seen Jim at the bar just before you left, saying he wanted a drink."
"Is that true?" June's eyes widened. "It was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. He shouldn't want to... need to drink..."
"Then after you left he was trying to avoid Marie like the plague, but she kept on at him, she was so drunk by then and apparently Jim just looked miserable."
"Apparently? You were there weren't you? I was the only one who ran off."
"I was... a little under the weather." Honey winced. "But Robbie told me. And Smiffy... everyone noticed."
"Why... why didn't anyone tell me before now?"
"I don't know, I think we all thought it was because of what happened in the cellar, he was feeling ill cos of the gas... but lately... June, it's been obvious."
"To everyone except for him..." June stopped and looked at Honey. "Has anyone said anything about a change in his behaviour this last week or two?"
"Polly told me he was looking a lot happier, smiling more. She thought he was sickening for something. Why?"
"Just wondering..."
"Then for a few days he was back to his old self - worse... then he's picked up again this last week, been more into things, but just a bit... distracted... snappy when people ask him about the baby."
"He was pleased about the baby... that's all."
"Then why when Polly asked him if they knew if it was a boy or a girl did he get up and walk out of the CSU? I was there dropping off some files, I saw him do it."
June frowned for a moment as she gazed out of the window. She turned back to Honey looking distracted. "What was that... sorry."
"June, Jim walked out of the CSU and I swear he was crying."
June continued to look out of the window. "You must be mistaken..."
"Alright, June, forget it. I told this to Jim once and I'll tell you, deny yourself a lifetimes happiness with the person you love if you want, but don't say that I didn't warn you."
"What... sorry? I thought I just saw... no it couldn't have been... I wasn't deliberately ignoring you Honey... just distracted."
"What, what is going on?"
"I'm seeing things..." June glanced back out of the window. "Come on we should do some work."
"June... there's obviously something... tell me!"
"Look over there, tell me what you see." June nodded towards a busy pub.
"A pub, people... ew, a bloke throwing up and... Oh my god!" Honey raised her hand to her mouth.
"Oh my god what?"
"Isn't that Marie?"
"That's why I was thinking... Jim's pregnant wife in a pub beer garden... and she doesn't look sober to me."
"No, she doesn't she looks pissed." Honey's eyes widened. "Oh, no... she isn't. I've got a good mind to tell her what I think of her..." Honey reached for the door handle.
"Don't." June grabbed her arm. "Just stay here and watch..."
"June, she's just lit up a fag. She's pregnant for god's sake."
"But is she..."
"I've said too much." June flinched. "Any chance we can hear what's going on over there?"
"I can pull up a bit closer. She's got one of those voices that carry, so we shouldn't have to get too close." She gunned the engine and pulled up to within 20 yards of the beer garden.
"I'm not sure I want to listen to *that* voice... but we owe it to Jim." She reached out to wind down her window.
"He's mine and it's going to STAY that way." Marie guffawed. "If he thinks he's going to leave me for THAT slut..."
June's eyes widened and she glanced over at Honey. "Uh oh."
"But I've got the perfect way to trap him, he's such a soft touch, anything to do with babies and he goes all gooey, so what better than to make him think I'm pregnant." There was a roar of drunk female laughter.
"Wanna explain things, June?" Honey asked. "You know more than you're letting on."
"Jim has been doubting Marie's been telling the truth � it's to do with the way she's been acting, no morning sickness, avoiding going to the doctors..."
"Really?" Honey looked shocked. "And the slut he's going to leave her for?"
"That slut would be me." June looked over at her.
"YOU? But you two aren't... are you?"
"We had an affair. A very brief affair." June looked back over to the beer garden. "She's packing up... I think she's going somewhere... Honey� Honey what time is it?"
"Nearly 3pm. Why... where's she going to go? You know exactly what's going on here, don't you?" Honey started the engine. "An affair by the way, nice one June."
"Yes... yes, it was." Her eyes fell shut briefly and she saw Jim, pouting at her after being humiliated at the coconut shy, remembered him giving her the locket, remembered the moments in the dining room and the shower... She shook herself alert. "She should be going to the Health Centre."
"Then we'll follow her, let her get a bit of a start first though... I don't want to see Jim get hurt as much as you do. He's a lovely man."
"He is. Thank you, Honey."
***
A few minutes later, Honey pulled the patrol car into a corner of the Canley Health Centre Car Park having followed Marie there. She killed the engine and turned to June. "You were right... again. So if she's seeing a doctor doesn't that mean she is..." She stopped as they watched Marie open the door and disappear out of sight. "What now?"
"We sit here and wait." June swallowed harshly. "I don't get this, wouldn't she only be here if she genuinely had an appointment, which would mean she was pregnant... but that doesn't go with what we heard her saying just now... and she's still drunk... won't the doctor notice?"
"Maybe she's seeing him for something different... but you're right about her being drunk... no-one in their right mind would see a doctor in that state."
"No they wouldn�t...." June stopped, staring straight ahead of her. "Look!"
Honey looked up to see Marie leaving the Health Centre once more. "She can't have seen a doctor this quickly can she? Appointment or no appointment it'll take longer than that."
"Usually you make an appointment for three and it's half past before you even get in there. What's she doing?" June squinted through the windscreen.
"Stuffing something into her handbag by the looks of it... I can't quite see what. Want me to check it out?"
"No... no you'd better not... it looks like leaflets, the type they have in the waiting room and reception?" June sagged back into her seat. "That's how she's going to do it."
"What do you mean?"
"She's going to tell Jim the pregnancy has been confirmed and say that the doctor gave her those leaflets..." June shook her head. "Why is she *doing* this?"
"I meant to ask earlier, and it could tie in with what you just asked... does she know about you and Jim... the affair I mean." Honey shifted in the seat so she was looking at June. "I'm guessing she does after what she said in the pub."
"That's what I asked Jim, and he said no, but you know what a woman's intuition can be like... and Jim's not the most discreet or careful man."
"How could she have found out though? I take it you two were careful?"
"I don't... oh no, not the photographs..." June placed her hands to her temples.
"Photographs?"
"Jim and I had a day out, in Brighton... please don't tell anyone this, Jim was supposed to be working..."
"I won't� He skived? He'd do anything for you June - I hope you realise that."
"I'm beginning to." June nodded. "Anyway, we had a fantastic day - best day of my life and just before we left all three of us squeezed into a photo booth..."
"Three of you?" Honey looked puzzled. "You, Jim and...?"
"A giant teddy bear." June rolled her eyes then smiled. "Anyway... there were four photos on a strip and I gave Jim two... last time I saw them he slid them into his wallet."
"Which Marie has probably been in... It�s all falling into place now." Honey nudged June and grinned. "A giant teddy? Never had you down as the type. Did you name him?"
"I did." June flushed red and looked out of the car window.
"What's with the blushing? Go on... tell me, I won't tell anyone else. All my teddies have got names."
"I called him... JimJimmy." June winced.
"JimJimmy?" Honey frowned.
"That's what Taffy Edwards, a PC here years ago, used to call Jim, and well, Jim's kind of like a ... teddy bear..." June rolled her eyes.
"Sweet and cuddly... I never had Jim down as such a softie. Take it he bought him for you?"
"Honey, this isn't the time." June raised a hand. "I need you to take me to the Magistrates Court."
"We're on duty June... we've turned down enough calls as it is. Someone's going to see through this soon."
"Honey, this is important!" June snapped.
"OK Sarge..." Honey shrunk back into her seat and started the engine. "The Magistrates Court it is."
................. on to Part Eleven
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