10 days later
Perranporth, Cornwall
It was a warm day for early October, but a sea mist had rolled in, the dampness visible in the sky, filtering the sunlight to an eerie orange-grey.
The beach, the golden sands that seemed to stretch on for miles, was almost deserted, save for a few locals walking their dogs, laughing and joking together as they threw sticks into the sea, watched as their pet retrieved them then came back, shaking themselves and soaking their owners for good measure.
It was quiet, peaceful, perfect.
It was Jim's first day alone, for the past nine days he had teamed up with a team of divers he had met while sipping an orange juice in a pub, had spent hours discussing the ins and outs of scuba diving, it had been so long since he had had the opportunity to absorb himself in his passion. They were a group down from Wales, ready and eager to dive on the myriad wrecks off the Cornish Coast, with a boat available, and room on board for one more.
But yesterday they had packed up and gone back home, leaving Jim waving the mini-bus goodbye and wondering what to do with himself for the next few days of his leave. June had called him the first day, while he had still been on the train on his way here, and told him she had called in a favour with Jack Meadows and had managed to get him two weeks "compassionate leave" to sort out his affairs after the split from his wife. And they had spoken every day since, just once a day, as agreed, talking over the days events and life in general, the conversation always ending with an almost ritual "Miss you � love you."
Marie had all but disappeared from his mind, obviously there were things he had to face, coping with Ben's upset over the end of the marriage, the divorce, which wouldn�t even become a reality in any shape or form for another few months yet. But he had come here to think over his future, his future with or without June, and that was what was consuming his mind. She was right, the grief over losing his baby was true, and his wish to be a father had been with him for many years, since his late teens, and it was not something he could easily shake off. He didn't know how, or when he would be able to decide either way just what it was he wanted, but he knew for sure that he didn't want to go back to London, and to June, without a clear answer for her.
***
Brighton Pier
"How's the teddy, love?"
June Ackland jumped as a male voice called to her. She spun around, her lips blooming into a smile as she saw the coconut shy, the amiable owner. "He�s fine."
"You�re becoming quite a regular� you local?"
"No� from London. Got the day off work, guess I got the taste for it." She breathed in the clean air, the salt smell of the sea.
"Left the husband at home?"
"He�s n�" June nodded and smiled. "Yes. Left him at home. A girl's got to have some time to herself." She nodded by way of saying goodbye and walked further down the pier. It was quieter than it had been when she and Jim had visited, the weather cooler, the sky grey and ominous with rain. But still the big wheel turned, she could hear the sounds of excited children, the music�
"Jim! I'm not looking anywhere. My eyes are closed."
"June, open your eyes, else you don't get a teddy bear."
She smiled to herself, her heart leaping as she thought of him; how he had held her close and made her feel safe, secure.
"June... I... um... bought this for you."
"Oh Jim� it's beautiful."
"I thought you might, you know, put some pictures in it, and..."
"I love you. I really love you."
She wondered where he was, how he was, for the last few days he had sounded on top of the world, having so much fun in a completely different world. She knew he would be spending today alone, wondered what he was thinking, was he thinking about her, them, their future together� or was he coming to the realisation that his dream of being a father was simply too strong to ignore�
She kept telling herself she could cope if he made that decision. Though when she allowed herself to think about it, about again watching him become involved with someone else, loving someone else� making love to someone else�
It seemed that reality and intentions were always at odds with each other.
***
He walked along the beach, slowly, kicking at puddles and coating his shoes with wet sand. In his hand he held a pasty, something which he had treated himself to after spending the last few days trying to eat healthily, something which as a youngster had been so easy when he had been doing his dive training, when he was a swimmer, visiting the pool every day, never fail. He'd let himself go, in more ways than one, lost who he used to be, had left Jimmy Carver behind somewhere along the line. It was debatable whether he would ever find him again, but as he had dressed that morning and noted his jeans were a little looser, he decided that could well be a step in the right direction. He felt better and looked better, had never realised how simply living to day to day in London could be so exhausting until he experienced the laid back lifestyle of the locals here�he�d already picked up some of the local dialect� they'd never rush anything, would do it "dreckly" � or whenever. They seemed to realise that other things were more important, like taking time out to walk along a beach, or to spend time with family, just to savour the gifts they had been given.
He had already decided to bring June here one day� if�
He looked up, smiled and said "Hello" as a father walked past with his small child. The little boy was dressed in a yellow sou'wester coat and red Wellington boots, and he was jumping from puddle to puddle, not a care in the world�
And in his hand he held a huge pink cloud of candyfloss.
He watched them disappear into the mist, and felt an overwhelming surge of sadness overcome him. And then the shock of realisation, as it struck him, utterly and intensely, that it had not been the sight of father and child that had upset him so�
..it had been the candyfloss.
***
"A big bag of candy floss, please. The pink�"
June waited as the assistant prepared her purchase. She wasn't usually one for impulse buys, and she certainly wasn't one for candyfloss, but she had felt an overwhelming urge overcome her. She passed over the money, waited for her change, then dug, one-handed into her handbag for her phone. She bit her lip, called up Jim's number, and pressed dial.
***
"Your call has been redirected to voice mail. Please leave your message after the tone."
***
"June� I just wanted to tell you I love you, and�" He stopped, smiled to himself. "That's it."
***
"Jim� I know we said once a day but I just needed to tell you I love you. And I can't wait till you're home."
***
Hundreds of miles away from each other, Jim and June both started as their phones indicated they had received a voice mail message. They listened to the messages, both of them smiling, feeling a wave of emotion at the sound of each other�s voices.
Then they checked the time of the messages� both messages had been sent just one minute ago� explaining why each of them had been engaged at the time.
***
"Oh my god�" June muttered.
"You alright?" The assistant behind her, who was passing another stick of candyfloss to a small child, looked at her with concern.
"I'm fine. In fact� I'm perfect." June slipped her phone into her bag and strode away, her heart and head high. She didn't usually believe in signs, but there was something about this that had assuaged almost all of her doubts about her future with Jim.
***
"I don't suppose there's any room on the next flight to London�" Jim dropped his bags to the floor at the ticket desk at Newquay airport.
"You're in luck� just the one� you sound in a rush to get back� is it an emergency?"
Jim's mouth twitched at the corner. "You could say that."
***
Three hours later, slightly stressed from an adventure on London Public Transport, Jim bounded up June's path, dropping his bags to the floor. With a huge smile on his face he reached up and rang the doorbell insistently, then couldn't resist knocking sharply on the glass too. Seconds later his face fell as he realised no one was home.
Walking to the end of the path he looked left then right, noticing that there was no sign of June's car anywhere. A glance at his watch told him that it was almost time for her to be leaving the CSU. With a glance up to the sky, taking in the autumnal sunshine, he meandered back up the path, dropping himself down onto her doorstep, leaning up against the wall. Opening his holdall, he pulled out a packet of crisps and opened the packet, munching away happily to pass the time. Alone in his thoughts he jumped as he felt something brush up against his legs, and looked down to see Toto in mid leap about to land in his lap. "'ello mate." Jim muttered, ruffling his fur. "Where is she then? Are you locked out too?"
Toto purred and settled himself against Jim's broad chest. "Want a crisp? No, I suppose you don't do you? I shouldn't, really." He rolled his eyes and folded the bag down, slipping it back into his holdall. "I'm *supposed* to be on a diet." He tickled Toto under the chin.
Toto purred happily, curling up in a ball, flexing his claws and digging them into Jim's leg. Jim cringed, his hand immediately moving to Toto's paw, lifting it free from his leg. "You little..." He muttered, suddenly sensing a shadow creep over him. He glanced up slowly to see June looking down at him, smiling broadly.
"What were you just about to call my cat?"
"Nothing." Jim chuckled.
"Oh my god, it's so good to see you." June breathed.
"It's good to be back..." Jim got to his feet, dropping Toto to the floor. "I missed you."
"I missed you too... I've been... to Brighton, it�s my day off..."
"Brighton... did you have fun?"
"Yes..." June dug her keys out of her bag. "It was fantastic, thanks..."
"Good job you decided to come back... or it would have been a long night for me. Thanks for... the voicemail."
June opened the door, pushed it wide. "After you..." She followed him into the cool of the house. "That was odd, the way we tried to call each other at the same time..."
"If I was superstitious I might say it was fate..." He dropped his bags by the stairs. "I... I bought you a present..."
"What a coincidence, I bought you one too. Here, I got you some..." She stopped, her eyes widening.
"Candy floss..." Jim ducked down to his holdall and turned to her, whipping a large pink bag from its depths. "Oops..."
"Snap." June looked at him, and then snorted with laughter. "Alright, this is too weird."
"Have I come back to Sun Hill or the Twilight Zone?" Jim laughed, holding the bag out to her. "I just saw it... and thought of you as that advert says."
"Well, thank you." She took the bag and passed the bag she had bought for him to him. "You look fantastic."
"Maybe I should spent nigh on two weeks doing nothing more often." He looked her up and down shyly. "You're not looking too bad yourself Ms Ackland."
"You're such a charmer." She stepped towards him. "You look like you've done a lot more smiling, and you even look like you've lost a couple of pounds."
"I was pining for you..." He pushed the errant crisp packet back into the holdall with his foot.
"Oh yes?" She sighed. "I have to admit I've been drowning myself in work, worrying, wondering... I wasn't expecting you back for another few days."
"I... I missed you too much... the lads I was diving with headed back to Wales a few days ago..." He shrugged. "There just didn't seem much point in hanging around there on my own. Then I got your voicemail..."
"You said you loved me, and... I thought you wanted to say something else."
"I want to be with you... I've done a lot of thinking whilst I've been away and I've been thinking about you and children..." He hung his head and shuffled awkwardly.
"June..." He took her hands in his, looked her in the eye. "I can live without children... but I *can't* live without you. This time out has proved that."
She smiled to herself, nodded, looked down then back up at him. "So we're going to do this?"
"If you'll have me?"
"I will... I will." She placed her hands to his face, leant in and kissed him softly. "I have missed you so much."
He looped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. "I've missed you more..."
"But... the rules still apply." She leant her head against his chest. "We take it slow, learn about each other, learn by our mistakes... before we..."
"Dive in head first." He stroked her hair softly. "I'll do anything as long as I can be with you. I love you so much."
"And I love you too..."
................. on to Part Fifteen
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