Unbeknownst to each other, both Jim and June are teetering on the verge of emotional collapse. Things come to a head when Jim confesses to the truth of a horrifying rumour that has been going around the CSU � a confession which tips June over the edge leaving Jim to face an unimaginable nightmare alone�
(Mostly angst O:o))
***
It had been a quiet day in the CSU; all of the officers were out on enquiries or had already left for home. June looked up as the clock hit two minutes to five, then over as Jim passed her, heading to his desk with his brown jacket over his arm. He reached his desk and leant over to turn off his computer, then cursed loudly as his jacket brushed into a cold cup of forgotten coffee which spilled, pooling over his desk.
"What have you done this time?" June asked without looking up.
"Nothing..." Jim pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at the liquid. He shifted his computer keyboard and mouse out of the way. "Oh, I don't *believe* it." He fumed.
June spun round on her chair. "Oh, look at the mess. Jim!"
"It's alright, I'll sort it out." He picked up a sodden piece of paper and dropped it into the bin. "I spent all afternoon on that report, now look at it."
"Maybe you should have typed it up."
"Yes, well I *didn't*. I'll be right back." He stormed off to the men's toilets situated just outside the CSU and came back less than a minute later with a handful of paper towels.
"It'd save you time if you did it straight onto the computer... besides someone might have a chance of being able to read it." She spun back to her computer.
"Come on Sarge, it's not as if I did this on purpose."
"You never do, do you?"
"What?!" He spun around to face her, a sodden paper towel still dripping in his hand.
"Nothing..."
"No, go on, I want to know."
"You're not going to like it... come on." She stood up and made her way into the side office.
Jim dropped the paper towel into the bin and mooched after her, closing the door behind him and shoving his hands deep into his trouser pockets, hunching his shoulders.
"What I meant was... the only person who can read Jim Carver's handwriting... is Jim Carver." She looked away quickly.
"You've never had a problem before."
"I've told you hundreds of times, you just don't listen."
"I can't hear what I'm never told." Jim sulked.
"Maybe you should start listening."
"Me? Me start listening. That's a laugh." He leant up against the wall, unconsciously moving away from her."
"Just what do you mean by that?" June spun to face him.
"You know just as well as I do. That day in the cellar."
"Oh I thought everything would end up being *my* fault. We came in here to talk about your handwriting, and grammar or lack of it."
"Yeah. Let's just ignore everything else, shall we?" He pressed himself further against the door, wincing suddenly as his lower back hit the handle.
"Just what are you accusing me of ignoring?" June spat.
"What I told you about Marie..." Jim stepped away from the door, his hand on his back, avoiding eye contact with her.
"What, that you love her?" June scoffed.
"What she meant... means to me."
"She's *magical* isn't she?"
"I... I just thought, you told me you were happy for Marie and me. I thought if you knew how much she meant to me, then it might help you accept it easier. I thought you cared for me."
"I said what you wanted to hear... this is all beside the point anyway. I haven't got time to stand here discussing your love life."
"Then why are you letting it stand between us, affect us here? Don't deny it, June."
"Jim, your love is no concern of mine - not any more." June ducked her eyes.
"Then *why* can't we be friends? Or at least be civil to each other. I don't need you jumping down my throat over every little thing."
"You're overreacting... I just made a comment - professionally. You've taken it to heart."
"June, it's not the first time - it's been going on for weeks. Sniping over this, criticising me over that. I've had enough of it."
June shrugged. "So what do you suggest?"
"That you stop treating me like a school kid and respect my experience."
"Well stop acting like one then!" June snapped.
"Excuse me?!" He stepped closer to her, his eyes bulging.
"You heard. You've been acting like a child ever since you married her. You'll be asking me to change your nappy next."
"I don't need this." He fumed, pivoting away from her. "I don't..." He stopped, his entire body shaking, placing his hands to his temples.
"Go home to your wife then... go and play happy families."
Jim said nothing, looking to the floor. Then quietly he said: "Leave me alone."
"You started all this."
"No, I thought that was you. It was a bloody accident, for God's sake."
"It always is. Your whole life is an accident isn't it Jim?"
"Yes, well, not all of us are perfect, Sergeant Ackland."
"No, we aren't are we Jim?" June shook her head.
"I'd never have matched up to your standards. Saying no to you was the best decision I ever made." He flickered a glance at her briefly, then snatched it away.
"And proposing to you was the worst one I made. I must have been out of my mind." June retorted.
"Yeah, well, you've had plenty of experience of *that* lately, haven't you."
"I beg your pardon. Just who do you think you are?!"
"Don't patronise me. You don't have to tell me I'm a screw up - I know that. But at least in all my years as a police officer, through all the cock ups and the bad choices and all the other shit, I have never..." He swallowed, directing his gaze over her shoulder through the office window.
"Never what?" June muttered through gritted teeth.
"I have never let my personal life affect my work to such an extent that I badgered a woman into..."
"Don't you dare bring that up." June hissed. "That has nothing to do with you."
"It does - it does because that was another occasion when you didn't LISTEN to me!"
"I'd never listen to a screw up like you. I might end up like you that way."
"And god forbid June Ackland admit to her weaknesses. Get over it, June, for everyone's sake."
"I could never be as weak as you are."
"I am *NOT* weak. I saw what I wanted and I grabbed it. You - you're holding on to something that you once had, you can't let it go, can you, you can't let ME go."
"Don't flatter yourself Jim. You aren't god's gift to women."
"I'm telling you, June, unless you lower your standards, *you* are going to end up alone."
"Being alone is better than being lumbered with you."
"And just a few months ago you were telling me you wanted me, whatever. You were desperate, June; I saw it in your eyes. And... I reckon you're getting more desperate by the day."
"I must have been desperate to think you were the one for me. Even Tony's a better catch that you."
"Like I said. Desperate. I suppose at your age anything is better than nothing."
"Why did I waste nearly a year of my life with *you*. You're nothing... you're pathetic Jim Carver. I take back everything I've ever said about you."
Jim's face turned red and he looked away from her. A solitary tear snuck down his cheek and he sniffed angrily.
"Like I said, you're nothing but a child."
"Stop it, June." He said quietly.
"Why should I? You started the jibes, the nasty comments. Can't you take it?"
"June, just please STOP it!"
"He can dish it out, but he can't take it." June rolled her eyes.
"June, please, you don't know what you're doing..." His breath was becoming heavier; again his hands were at his temples, rubbing his throbbing veins.
"Oh believe me I do!" June spat. "You don't get away with treating me like this, talking down to me..."
"And I don't have to listen to this!" He spun away, placed his hand on the door handle.
"I'm not stopping you from leaving." June moved in front of him, her face red with anger. "Go if you want to, see if I care."
Jim stiffened, his body shaking with barely controlled rage. "Just leave me alone..."
"I'm not doing anything." She span away from him.
Seemingly ignoring her words, he remained by the door. "Please, *please* leave me alone..."
"Just home go Jim."
"No..."
June's face flooded with concern and she reached out for his arm. "This isn't about us anymore is it?"
As soon as her hand made contact, Jim jerked away. "Marie - STOP IT!" He screamed, right in her face.
"I AM NOT Marie." June hissed, her hand subconsciously flying from her side and making contact with his face. She recoiled as the sound of the slap reverberated around the room, seemingly bringing them both to their senses. She placed her hand over her mouth and looked at Jim. "I... I'm sorry."
"You're doing it as well - I thought *you* were different."
"I... I didn't mean to..." June stuttered.
"Suppose I deserved it."
"I'm not going to deny that. But, I'm sorry."
"If you say so." Jim shrugged.
"I *am* really sorry. Believe me." June stepped forward, and went to place her hand on Jim's arm.
Jim jerked away. "I believe you."
"You won't even let me touch you." June observed. "It's true isn't it, what Polly and Cathy have been saying?"
"And just what have they been saying."
"That you've been turning up here with fresh cuts and bruises on a rather regular basis... ever since your first day back, when you had that cut on your face � don't think I didn't notice."
"I'm just clumsy you know me. They have no right to gossip."
"You're not *this* clumsy! Jim, I lived with you for six months, I know."
"Maybe your house was Jim Carver-proof. I've got to go." He opened the door. "See you tomorrow."
"You're not going anywhere." June ran over, stood in front of him, closing the door and standing in front of it.
"Are you going to stop me?"
"Yes, yes I am." June slipped some keys from her trouser pocket and locked the office door.
"June!" Jim warned. "Let me out of here now."
"I'm not letting you go home to her."
"Give me those keys."
"NO!" June snapped. "What is it, is she out there now, as always, bang on five?"
"I'll give you one more chance... June..."
"What IS she, Jim, your mother?!"
"My wife. And I want to go home. I'm sick of this place."
"I'm sick too. You know what I'm sick of? People like you, and like... Monica Skinner, lying to themselves."
"You don't know anything June. Just leave me alone."
"You know I can't do that. Jim, apart from anything else you're being a hypocrite."
"Do I have to break my way out of here. You can't do this June. It's verging on kidnap."
"It's for your own protection." June seethed.
"All this is because of Monica isn't it. Because *you* made her kill herself."
"Don't bring that into this." June glared at him. "That's got NOTHING to do with this."
"It's got everything to do with this." Jim spat. "You feel guilty so you're sticking your nose in where its not wanted."
"Jim - last time you had a problem and you denied it, it went on so long you almost DIED."
"What do you care anyway?" He rattled the door handle violently. "Just let me out."
"Of course I care!" June stamped her foot into the ground. "If I didn't care for you I wouldn't even be talking to you! I'm not going to watch you suffer anymore!" Her voice cracked and tears snuck down her cheeks.
"Then give me the key or let me go. Do I have to phone someone to open this door?"
"What is she going to do to you if you're not there, Jim? If you're ten minutes, half an hour late. What is she going to do?"
"Just stay out of it." He turned away from her and punched the wall.
"NO!" June approached him, then in one swift movement, pulled the back of his shirt free from his belt, lifting it clear from his skin. "Oh my god..." She clamped her hand to her mouth.
"Get off me!" He span away from her. "Stay away."
"Des told me about that... I didn't believe him."
"Des?! Thought you said Cathy and Polly were the gossips."
"He saw you in the locker rooms, coming out of the shower. You tried to hide it but he saw. He told Polly and that just helped her make the decision to tell me."
"So the whole bloody station knows. Great." Jim crossed the room away from June.
"Knows what, Jim? What is there to know... that's not a bruise, Jim, what did she do to you? And don't tell me it was an accident, I'm not stupid, I know the difference."
"It's nothing. Forget it."
"It is NOT nothing! That's a BURN, Jim, what did she DO?!"
"June..." Jim seethed. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Do you want her to kill you, is that what you want?"
"It'd be better than existing like this." He sunk down onto a chair and hid his face away.
"Like what?" June's voice softened, regarding him, not approaching him although her instinct was to gather him into her arms. "Please tell me the truth, Jim."
"I can't."
"Why not? Are you... ashamed?"
"What do you want me to tell you - that my wife is beating the crap out of me every night and I cant do anything to stop it." He looked up at her ashen-faced.
June swallowed harshly. "I'm not going to ask you if that was a rhetorical question - I can see the truth in your eyes."
Jim shrugged, a solitary tear running down his face.
"Why do you keep going back for more?"
"What else I can do?"
"Walk away. Report her."
"Like anyone would believe that."
"Why wouldn't they believe it? We have eyes, we can see the bruises, the cuts..."
"She wouldn't admit to it."
"You don't know that. You know sometimes, when abusers are faced with the consequences of their crime, they... admit it..."
"I know... she'll blame me, tell everyone I drove her to it."
"Nobody would believe that. We know you, Jim,"
"You don't know what she's like. You know nothing about her."
"I know enough. Jim, I can think of twenty, thirty - more - people who would stand up for you..."
"And then when she turns round to say I've been beating her? What then?"
"Then we would *still* stand up for you. *I* would stand up for you."
"You're part of the problem." Jim muttered.
"Wh... what do you mean?" June frowned.
"She hates you. She hates me coming to work everyday with you."
"Then the feeling is mutual. But she has to understand... this is your job. A reasonable person would realise that."
"She thinks there's something going on between us."
"Ha!" June laughed derisively, turning to look out of the window behind her.
"That's what I said. Earned me a slap or two."
"Nothing could be further from the truth, could it?" More tears slid down her cheeks and she wiped them away, angrily.
"Why are you crying?"
"What... why am I crying?" She spun round, her _expression incredulous.
"That's what I asked."
"I don't know. I haven't stopped since you left me." She spun away again, walked to the far side of the room.
"You're stronger than this June."
"I thought I was, but... I don't know anything anymore. I don't know myself, I don't know you..."
"Will you let me go now? I have to get out of here."
"I'm not letting you go back to her."
"Don't do this June. I'm not worth it."
"You think you're so worthless you deserve being beaten?!"
"Maybe I do." Jim shrugged.
"Do you really want to do this to me again? Do you remember what happened to Monica?"
"How could I forget? I watched you fall apart over it."
"I can't let you go the same way. I know you Jim, you could start drinking again, you could..." She looked down, swallowed. "I'm not losing you."
"You're only making things worse."
"How?!"
"She'll come after you..."
"I don't care as long as she leaves you alone."
"That's just it - she'll never leave me alone... and if I do anything about it she'll turn on you... she's threatened it often enough..."
"Not if we put her away."
"She won't let me."
"She won't let you what?"
"Leave her... get her put away..."
"Jim, you have your own free will, you are your own person." She stopped, looking at him. "Or are you? Has your will been so totally overborne by her that you can't function without her permission?"
"I'm protecting you... she wants to kill you... she's insanely jealous of you."
"Then she obviously needs treatment. She is sick, Jim, it'll be the best for her."
"You don't get it do you. You're just making things worse. I have to go home... NOW"
"I said no."
"What you say doesn't matter."
"It used to. It used to matter to you more than anything." June looked down, then back up, straight into his eyes. "Maybe *you're* the sick one."
"Give me the keys now." He grabbed her arm and tried to get them out of her hand.
"If you're going out there to her I'm coming with you."
"No you aren't."
"What, are you going to stop me?!"
Jim took a deep breath and looked into June's eyes. "I'll ask once more... June will you please give me the keys and stay here."
"No. If you don't let me go out there with you, I will lock you in here and go out to see her on my own."
"No you won't." Jim spat.
"Who are you to tell me what to do? I am your Sergeant or had you forgotten?" June squared up to him, feeling bold and brave now.
"You being my Sergeant has nothing at all to do with my private life."
"Not when you've just admitted to me you're a victim of domestic abuse."
"I didn't admit anything... there's nothing that I said that you could use as evidence."
"She's not getting away with it." June headed towards the door.
"You'll only make things worse." He grabbed her shoulder and spun her round to face him. "June please." He begged.
"You're obviously to weak to deal with this on your own." June keyed the door.
"Don't please." Jim begged. "You don't know what you're doing."
"I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm saving your miserable life." She pulled the door open and stalked off down the corridor.
"June..." Jim yelled, following her down the corridor. "She'll be at home, waiting for me."
"No she won't and you KNOW she won't." June smashed her way through double doors, then punched a code to let herself through to the front office.
"I'm begging you... if you care anything for me you won't do this."
"I'm doing this because I care for you, because... because I..." She stopped one hand on the double doors leading outside.
"Don't say it June... please don't say it." Jim begged as he saw Marie looming at the other side of the glass.
June shook her head, then pushed the door wide, approaching Marie. "Thought I'd find you here."
"I'm here to pick Jim up." Marie snarled. "You ready love?"
"Yeah..." Jim shuffled and looked down at his feet.
"Come on then... before your tea burns."
"Talking about burns..." June moved closer to Marie. "What happened to Jim's back?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. What's up her with her Jim?"
"The way you keep him under 24 hour surveillance I'd thought you'd have noticed he has a second degree burn on his lower back."
Marie gulped. "And what are you doing looking at his back?"
"A colleague - a male colleague noticed it as Jim was getting out of the shower. How did it happen, Marie?" June loomed over her
"Maybe you should ask Jim... you must know how clumsy he is."
"Clumsy enough to burn his own back with an iron? Are you going to tell me he was trying to iron his shirt while he still had it on?"
"Go on Jim... you tell her what happened." Marie glared over at him.
"I... I tripped over the cord of the iron, and..." Jim mumbled, then shrugged.
"See... anyone would think *you* we accusing *me* of something." Marie sneered, her face only centimetres from June's.
"It's not me that's been doing the accusing." June spat.
"Why can't you just accept that it's over between the pair of you?"
"I know that very well. But I'm not going to stand by and watch you hurt him."
"So you're accusing me of hurting him?" Marie prodded June in the chest as she sneered at her. "What right do you have to do that?"
"I've known him far longer than you have. I'm his boss. That gives me the right."
"And I'm his wife."
"Some wife."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Wives are supposed to love their husbands', not abuse them."
"Are you OK June? Quite normal? What fantasy world does all this come from?"
"This comes from looking in your husband's eyes and seeing hopelessness and fear."
"Sure you weren't seeing a reflection of yourself? Hopeless, afraid of being alone? Did you see any jealously in there too?"
"What the hell is wrong with you?" June seethed. "Look at you. I don't know what Jim ever saw in you."
"I look at you and think exactly the same thing love. You're nothing special..." Marie shook her head. "Come on Jim let's go... leave this sad old woman in her fantasy world."
"I am NOT letting you take him home." June stood between Marie and Jim.
"You're deluded." Marie sighed. "Jim?"
"Jim, if you go with her, and she hurts you again... don't come running to me. Don't even come back here."
"Maybe you should take your own advice... get out of out here while you still can. Go home to your pathetic life with your cat. Jim doesn't want you hanging around him like this. Face it June, no one wants you. Now get out of our way. We're going home."
"How dare you speak to me like that."
"I'll speak to you how the hell I want." Marie seethed.
"I should remind you, I am a police Sergeant. And what exactly do *you* do with your life?"
"My life has nothing to do with you. I don't live for my career because no man will look twice at me. Now get out of the way." She pushed June aside and stepped closer to Jim.
"You leave him alone!" June moved between them once more, shoving Marie backwards. "I'm not going to let you hurt him. There's someone here who loves him and it's NOT you!"
"Don't you push me around lady. You're pathetic. You're so jealous because Jim is mine. It really is pathetic."
"No, you're pathetic. You're dowdy, frumpy, ugly..." June swivelled to Jim. "What *did* you see in her?"
"Least I'm young enough to give Jim the one thing her really wants." She glared at June. "...children."
June froze. "Jim never discussed having children with me. It didn't matter to him."
"Yeah right... why do you think he traded you in for a younger model?"
"Not much younger..." June spat. "You're just jealous."
"How could I be jealous of you?" Marie sneered, looking June up and down. "You..." She prodded her. "You're nothing at all."
"I'm better than you. And what Jim and I had was better than you could ever imagine. You... you've smothered him, you won't let him move, or live. You think he wants the boring life you've given him, you're obsessed with making his tea and going out for chips every Saturday... you're... so... so... sad."
"I'm sad? I'm not the one chasing him round like a pathetic lap dog. You're giving us women a bad reputation. Face it June, he tried you out, then when he opened his eyes, he didn't like the goods on offer. So he went shopping... and he chose me. Now get out of the way." She pushed June away once more.
"NO!" June yelled, pulling her arm back and slapping Marie forcibly across the face. She pulled back, eyes wide, looking down at her hand.
"You've crossed the line lady. No-one does that to me and gets away with it." Marie placed both hands on June's shoulders and shoved her backwards towards the wall, watching as she stumbled. "And as for you Jim... you're quiet. Cat got your tongue?"
"Leave her alone." Jim said quietly.
"Give me one good reason why."
"I don't want you to hurt her. If you want to take this out on someone, take it out on me." He looked up at June, who turned her head and locked eyes with him.
"She hit me... aren't you going to stand up for me... your WIFE?"
"I can't do this anymore. Let her go, let's go home and talk about this."
"That's what I've been saying all this time." She grabbed him arm. "Come on... look at the state of her." She sneered glancing over at June.
"June I..."
"Jim leave her... she's pathetic." Marie shook her head. "Or do you fancy another go June? I'm game..."
June stared at Marie, shaking her head. She slid slowly down the wall to the floor, quivering and sobbing.
"Absolutely pathetic." Marie sneered. "Come on Jim."
Jim looked back to June, then to Marie, then pulled his arm away from Marie's grasp. "No." He ran towards June.
"Jim..." Marie yelled. "Get back here."
"You LEAVE HER ALONE! This is between you and me!"
"She's the one sticking her nose in."
"Because she cares. A damn sight more than you do." Jim tried to gather June into his arms.
Marie stalked over to Jim and pulled him to his feet. "We are going home... now." She dragged him away from June, who was sat on the floor sobbing, seemingly staring into space.
"I told you to..." He looked up and over as June scrambled to her feet. As she did so, Gina Gold emerged from the station.
"What the hell is going on here? June... JUNE!" She yelled as June began to stumble away.
"It's nothing ma'am... just a misunderstanding." Jim muttered.
"It doesn't look that way to me... JUNE!" Gina yelled, as she saw June making a beeline for the main road in front of the station.
"It's better if you stay out of it... it's personal..."
"Will someone please go after her...." Gina looked on, and then broke into a run as June stumbled out blind into the road.
Jim shook Marie off his arm and ran after Gina. "June... please..."
June turned around, standing in the middle of the road. "Go away, just go away..." She pleaded. Jim stood for a moment, immobile, then ran toward her. As he crossed the road, there was a screech of brakes as the area car, being driven by PC Tony Stamp, slewed to a halt - but one second too late. Jim was knocked from his feet and fell with a crash to the concrete.
................. on to Part Two
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