June�s eyes were beginning to wane, the steady fake light from the PC was hitting like needles. She could feel it pricking her brain; the fact that the room was almost in complete darkness didn�t help either. She leant her head back, stretching her neck and feeling a muscle thread tighten down her back. She needed a bath, a long hot bubble bath with a glass of wine and perhaps a little music in the background. A little more work though first, she would really like to try and have this Saturday to herself, not sitting at the kitchen table at home catching up on reports for a change. She replaced her glasses and turned her attention back to the screen as the doors swung open and Jim marched in, straight past her desk to his own.
�I got those numbers for you Jim.� She heard Cathy say.
�Cheers.� He murmured, something was wrong it was evident in his voice.
�Oh no problem at all I had nothing better to do did I?� June smiled, so very easy to rile the schoolgirl in Cathy, just one word out of place. �Well I�m off, that ok Sarge?�
�Sure.� She replied without looking up. �See you tomorrow.�
June watched her collect her coat and bag and apply lipstick before she even thought about leaving, she had to smile to herself. �Well have a nice evening Sarge.� She said, a bit too loudly, as she glared at Jim.
�I�m sure I will.� She didn�t even look up, but as soon as Cathy had disappeared she laughed and swung round in her chair to Jim.
�So what�s she done to upset you this time?�
�Huh?�
�Cathy � you were a bit short with her.�
�Was I? Sorry - didn�t mean to be.�
Her smile disappeared. �That�s ok, I wasn�t criticising, what�s happened?�
�Nothing.�
�You�ve been out all day.�
�I know.�
�Not a word from you, by the look on your face I assume it wasn�t work�� She got up and stretched her back as she walked towards him waving her pen as she did so, smiling. �That�s guilt.�
�Don�t start.� He snapped jumping up from his chair. �I gotta go out.�
�Again? Jim this is ridiculous. I can�t allow you to waste time like this, no explanation � it isn�t fair on me, I can�t cover for you.�
�Then don�t.� He grabbed his jacket. �I�ve got to go.�
�Jim!� She didn�t mean to raise her voice quite as much as she did. She tightened her grip on the pen in her hand. �Jim, please, talk to me.�
�Trust me, you won�t want to hear it.�
�Is this work?�
He shook his head solemnly.
�Then don�t I have a right to know, you moved back in what two weeks ago? Surely we can�t be arguing again already.�
�It�s not you � it�s something I need to sort out myself.� He took a deep breath. �We�ll talk more later.�
�You�re scaring me, why all this secrecy? You�ve always shared things with me.�
�Not this � not just now.� He shook his head. �I can deal with it.�
�You�re lying to me.� She was resigned to it, a slight edge creeping into her voice.
He shrugged, hands deep in pockets, then turned towards the door and left.
She threw her pen down and ran a hand through her hair, what the hell had happened now?
* *
She had already nearly finished her second glass of wine, and if it weren�t so damn cold out she would have ventured downstairs for a third. But as it was she decided to sip the last bit, make it last, so she could wallow in the silky water a bit longer. She slid further down into the tub and closed her eyes; it hadn�t actually been a bad day until that business with Jim. She hadn�t even bothered to wonder where he was all day, she trusted him � why shouldn�t she? Assumed he�d been working on a case, it put her in a hell of a difficult position to know he�d been wasting time. The annoying thing was he knew that, he was well aware of how nervous she got about their relationship interfering with work. Which led her to believe that it must have been something bloody serious to make him lie to her, or at the very least go against her wishes. There was a look in his eye too, as he�d left the station this evening, something she hadn�t seen for a long time. She couldn�t understand it, it was completely unexpected behaviour � last night they�d been perfectly happy watching a film together and falling asleep on the couch. When she�d woken up this morning, in bed, Jim had already showered and was munching away on his toast when she stumbled downstairs. Nothing strange about it, he was happy enough, he seemed fine, perhaps she hadn�t been paying enough attention. She winced as she bit down on her bottom lip a little too hard.
�Shouldn�t chew your lips, you do that you know, when you�re worried.�
She opened her eyes and glanced up at Jim staring down at her. He looked terrible, gaunt and pale and his eyes so dark.
�What the hell�s happening?�
He closed his eyes and shuffled from foot to foot.
�Jim if this is a problem with me, or if something has happened to you, just tell me for gods sake, I�m supposed to be your partner.�
�It�s not you�� he knelt down by the side of the bath. �I�ve done something terrible, I�ve messed it all up again, let you down.�
�What do you mean? Let me down how?�
He shook his head. �I don�t know how to tell you � I�m still shocked myself.�
�Jim you�re really worrying me now.�
�I don�t want to hurt you, that�s the problem not after the past few months and finally getting back to where we are now, it�s not fair, it�s not what I planned, I never thought something like this could happen.�
�You�re babbling, calm down.� She placed a soapy hand on his face and lifted it so she could look at him properly. �You look so tired.� She kissed his forehead. �Have you eaten?�
�No, but June��
�Nothing, I�ll get out of here and make us something to eat, some strong coffee for you and then you can tell me exactly what�s going on, no need to look so scared, I don�t bite do I?� She smiled, weakly, but at least she tried.
* *
�I don�t want anything to eat, I�ll be sick.�
Jim had followed her into the bedroom watched her dress and brush her hair. Had followed her down to the kitchen and sat with his head in his hands as she�d made coffee and placed it in front of him � black, he hated black coffee but he took a gulp anyway.
He was avoiding her gaze as he�d spoken, watching the floor like it would jump up and swallow him if he wasn�t careful. �Ok, so let�s get this over with.� She pulled a chair to sit near him, resting a hand gently on his leg. �Go on. Surely you can tell me anything now.�
So much love in her voice, how this woman had so many varied tones. The way she could shout; the time she�d thrown a mug at him, the time she�d made him feel like the guiltiest person alive just by the edge to her gentle tone. How soft she could make it when she wanted her own way, alluring and full of desire. And now sat by him, he felt guilty yes, but this was different, this was something that was sure to tear them apart. Tear her apart.
�Jim.� She prompted.
He looked up at her now. �You remember when we broke up, the girl I started seeing.�
�Amy?� he nodded. �Vaguely � why?� She�d leant back in her chair now; the defences had set in already.
�I saw her today, this morning, walking back from the hospital.�
�And, did she see you?�
�No, not at first.� His head was in his hands now as he leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and staring at his feet. �God June, she�s pregnant.�
�What?�
�Huge, she�s absolutely huge. I didn�t know what to do, I couldn�t move, I just froze there watching her get on the bus and disappear. Took me all day to find her again and I needed to find her � you gotta understand that?� He looked up at her hopefully.
She just started back, it seemed her eyes had glazed over, she was well aware of what he was going to say next. �Please don�t say it�s yours��
�It must be, it has to be, I don�t think she�s the type to sleep around.�
�Are you sure?� She demanded standing up and putting as much distance between them as she possibly could.
�She�s six months gone, living alone, trying to carry on working and go to college and...�
�I don�t care! Did she say it was yours?�
�No, she wouldn�t tell me. She threw me out.�
�But you�re convinced it is.�
�The dates fit June.� He said with clarity, his head actually felt clearer than it had all day. �It must be mine.�
She could have cried, could have screamed, could have slapped him � beat him � for being so bloody stupid. Yet somehow she couldn�t be angry, something prevented her from it. She felt� how did she feel� drained. Like her heart had sunk. She swallowed the lump in her throat. �We�ve just got back together.�
�I know.�
�You left me because you wanted children.�
�No, no I didn�t June��
�And you date this girl and get her pregnant and then come back to me.�
�It�s not like that � I had no idea.�
�The best of both worlds ey.�
�June.� His voice was almost pleading now.
�How ironic life can be.�
�Doesn�t it ever stay � must it always fade away?�