June stopped the car at the bottom of the drive and Jim looked sideways at her, straining with his seat belt. �You never said they were bloody rich.�
�They aren�t.�
�The hell they aren�t � look at the size of that house. What does your Brother do?�
�Oh I don�t know, computers or something� but his wife is a Doctor. He kind of stays at home with the kids, works from there.�
�Lucky guy.� He sighed leaning back and gazing up at the house. She was about to respond when he started up again. �How many rooms they got? Anything I should know, secrets? Things I shouldn�t say, am I dressed ok?�
�Oh for gods sake, their my family. Louisa is quite a bit younger than Graham, she met him right out of college � and so probably deserves some one much more reliable. You�re dressed fine, dress how you want to, we�re only here for a couple of days, I�m sure you won�t cause too much trouble in that time.� She started up the car again.
�I�m not so sure.�
�Oh and they have five bedrooms� so we should get a nice one.� She smiled as she pulled the car up the drive and found a space by the garage.
* *
�Don�t fidget about so much.�
�I can�t help it.�
�If you don�t stay still how am I supposed to do this?�
�Just hurry up��
June fiddled with his tie. �There, you see perfect.�
�I hate wearing ties.�
�I know, I hate wearing dresses.�
�You look real nice.�
�Why thank you, you�re flattery astounds me.� She reached for a cardigan. �Besides what does it matter, after dinner you�ll be a mess again.�
�What do you mean? Make me sound like a kid.� He pushed his hands in his pocket.
�I mean you�ll be rolling around on the floor with the kids again.�
His face broke into a broad grin. �But they are pretty great aren�t they? So much fun, can�t believe how many presents they got, I never got anything like that at their age.�
She was fussing with her hair in the mirror. �Well you weren�t spoilt like they are.�
�They don�t act spoilt.�
�They do.� She snapped her head up.
�No they don�t � they�re just lucky.� He bit on his lip for a second watching her apply lipstick, she�d been in this mood since they�d arrived � difficult, awkward, and not just to him - rude to her brother, dismissive to the kids and aloof. He on the other hand had enjoyed every second. Despite appearances Graham was an okay guy, he was getting on great with him. Louisa couldn�t cook but he couldn�t hold it against her, she made a smashing host. Something so very good about spending Christmas with them, in the company of a family. �What�s wrong with you?�
�What do you mean?�
�You�ve been like this since we got here. Not enjoying anything, or pretending not to like anything. Are you like this every year or just because I�m here.�
�Don�t flatter yourself, I feel like this every year.�
�Don�t talk to me like that June.� His voice had gained that hard edge now.
�Sorry � I just can�t�� She gestured towards the door.
�Can�t what?�
She sighed and put the lid back on her lipstick. �You�re loving this, in fact you haven�t been this happy in ages. And I hate it.�
�You�re jealous?�
�No! No not jealous, more confused.�
�Why?� He took a step closer to her.
�Because, because I can see how much you�re enjoying this, how much fun you�re having with the kids, and I can�t understand why you�re staying with me.�
�June�� He leant forward taking hold of her waist and leaning forward to kiss her.
�Don�t do that.�
�What?�
�I�ve just got ready.� She pushed past him and went to replace some clothes in the wardrobe. �I thought we could set off home tomorrow.� She mumbled from behind the door.
�Why, I thought we�d decided to stay til New Year � they want us here. You�re talking in riddles.�
She closed the door and looked at him. �You decided, not me.�
�Oh I�m sick of this, fine we�ll go home tomorrow, right now if it�s suits you � I�m sick of having to pretend, doing everything to please you. This whole jealousy thing is ridiculous.�
�I told you I�m not jealous.�
�Of course you are, there�s no other explanation. It�s stupid, you say you don�t know why I�m with you but then you won�t let me even kiss you. I don�t know what�s wrong with you.�
She spun round. �You! You�re what�s wrong � leave me alone, go off and enjoy yourself with the perfect family and leave me alone.�
�Fine.�
* *
Somehow Jim stuck the night out, the kids were asleep by ten and he spent an hour sitting and chatting to Graham and Louisa. But as much as he was enjoying their company he couldn�t help but long to go back upstairs and make up with June. It had been coming though, ever since they�d got here, maybe even before that. For some reason, which he couldn�t work out, she had changed since they got here, become edgy and downright snappy. No patience with the kids, or him if it came down to it. He had the dreaded feeling that he didn�t know her at all anymore.
�You sure June�s ok?� Graham asked watching Jim gaze into his coffee.
�Yes, just a headache she said � tired.�
�I�ll take her some water up.� Louisa said gathering herself up from the couch.
�She�s been a bit funny since she got here, if you don�t mind me saying so.�
Jim looked up slowly at Graham. �I know � I�m sorry.�
�Not your fault, that�s my big sister for you.�
�I don�t understand it, I�ve never known her be like this. And the stupid thing is this is our first Christmas together.�
�She�� Graham swallowed his Brandy and leant forward. �Jim she�s never had much luck with guys you know.�
�I know; I�ve always been the same with relationships.�
�You�ve known her some years.�
�Yeah, not aswell as I would have liked to, we could have been together for years.�
�I suppose things happen when they�re supposed to. She�s never been very good with kids though, just isn�t her thing I guess. She kind of relegated herself to looking after Dad and she�s always kept herself to herself. She�s a pain in the ass I know, she�s awkward and can be stubborn as hell, will never ask for help. But you can�t help but love her right?�
Jim nodded his head and smiled.
�So stick with it, if you can.�
* *
Jim crept into the bedroom just before midnight; it took him a few minutes to adjust to the dark before he could safely undress. He slipped into bed beside her, immediately reaching over to try and hold her but she pulled further away � obviously her mood hadn�t improved yet.
�June, we should talk you know, I�m sorry I got angry.�
�I don�t want to talk about it.�
�You see the usual response would be for you to apologise too, then we can move on and forget about it.�
�You seem to think this is just an isolated incident Jim, that it�s a random argument. But it isn�t, it�s been creeping up for a while.�
�So tell me what�s on your mind and we can work through it together. I love you June I�m not about to just walk away.�
She was silent for a while, facing the wall, breathing deeply. �I want to go home tomorrow.�
�Ok, we�ll go home, will that help things?�
�I need some space.�
�Does that mean you don�t want me there neither.�
She was silent again.
�Forget it, I live there too. Besides it�s New Year in two days. I want us to get off to a good start so cheer yourself up.� He turned onto his side and pulled the quilt up over his body.
�I wish it were that easy.� She whispered.
* *
Jim sat in the garden, after what could only be described as the worst New Years Eve ever. He and June had hardly spoken since they got home, and when they did try to speak they argued. He�d retreated to the garden now, hiding away, needing some distance from her. It was his fault he supposed, pushing her all her day to talk when she really wanted to be alone. She had hardly looked at him when he�d suggested it, a passing comment in the car on the way home about the possibility of having children with him. Even if it was just adoption or fostering, to build a family up between them. She hadn�t responded then, just kept staring at the road ahead and chewing on her lip. So he�d gone quiet too which had made things worse.
�You�re dinner�s going cold.� Jim said as he knelt down beside the bed where she lay, fully dressed staring at the ceiling.
�I�m not hungry I told you that.�
�Its the 1st of January, please come and eat with me, we need to talk sometime.�
�You said that last night and we ended up arguing again.�
�June I don�t understand this,� he sat down now. �Almost laughable, our first Christmas together, our first new year and we spend it like this, hardly talking, sleeping apart, I don�t want it to be like this.�
�Neither do I.� She turned onto her side to look at him.
�Then let�s change it.� He reached over and took her hand. �We�ve had a pretty crap holiday.�
She smiled and leant forward. �I do love you.� She kissed him gently.
�I love you too.� He kissed her back again. �So, can we go downstairs, eat dinner together and talk about this properly.�
�I�d rather we forgot about everything and start fresh.�
�We can�t just ignore it, there are many possibilities for us.�
She sat up, staring down at him. �Possibilities?�
�Children��
She jumped up off the bed. �Oh for gods sake Jim how many times do I need to say it?� She stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to look at him, an icy coldness to her stare. �I don�t want children, I never have, understood?�