5.12.01

i bet you’re wondering why the hell j was coming over yesterday. i forgot to explain. i broke down and called him friday morning before he left for work. i know i said i wasn’t going, but he’s become this part of me i can’t seem to be without. (he’s the dr. evil to my mini-me, “you complete me”.... trust me, it‘s an inside joke, you’d rather i not go into) i know this sounds horrible, i really do. but, alas, it’s how i feel. feelings, gotta hate em, yet sometimes, they’re the best things in the world. sorta like men. i asked if he was coming over, and all the usual, “how ya been”, kind of crap. he said he was going out with one of his friends from work and he’d be over afterwards. ok, whatever, i can handle that. he wandered in about 12:45am..which is amazing considering the bars don’t close ‘til two. we talked awhile, i tried to explain how i was feeling (there’s that damn word again) about his lack of calling. i think i did an OK job. he seemed to understand. but, he never really did give an explanation. just how stressing work was and how he’s been worrying about getting laid off. apparently, it’s going to be on the 25th of this month (the day before his birthday-Happy Birthday!) i told him i could relate and then the conversation switched, i’m not sure to what, but that was that. i suppose it’s for the better, i worry about things too much. it really wasn’t that exciting of a night. until...we went to bed. now, here’s where things started to make me a little angry. we went to bed as usual, and just laid there for awhile talking. eventually he asked me to go down on him. ok, i’m game. i did, for what felt like a fucking eternity, probably more like 30 minutes. then, all of the sudden he was done....completely...umm, hello? what about me? it irritates me to no end when he does that. it’s so damn selfish. i got nothin’. not even a kiss, or a thank you, just a...”hold on, i gotta go to the bathroom”. when he returned from his extended trip to the bathroom, he was all ready to go to sleep. grrr. i got so angry. so, i asked him.. ”do you like having sex with me?”. which inevitably led to, “of course, why?”. oh, why, why, why, why, why? how could he set himself up like that...he just doesn’t think sometimes. needless to say we had a comprehensive talk on the subject. He apologized, of course.. it’s what he’s best at, and promised to be more "caring" of my needs from then on. damn right he will be, cause it ain’t gonna happen like this again. never.. or at least until he proves himself to be worthy. ::julie::