Hello friends,
Now before you get all annoyed at the lack of links at the end, I just want to let you know that I had a horrible thing happen to me. The bookmarks on my browser of choice (Netscape for all of you not in the know) were mysteriously erased one day. Consequently, all the fantastic links I had saved up for you are gone. Please, don't despair. I am confident that I'll build up a newer, better collection for your next visit.
So, I just realized that I've totally forgotten all my html coding. It really has been a long time since I did any kind of an update. I'm a busy lady, damn it. A busy lady who dresses up her ten cent ideas with her fancy twenty dollar words. PS: pay no attention to the man who says such things. He's a fuckhead, pure and simple.
So I've got a lot of shit saved up for an update. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what's already included (mostly since it's been so long). I do remember this time at work some guy came in with a really long mullet. Normally such an occurrence would merit a laugh and curses that I didn't have a camera ready. What made this mullet man special is that he was stroking it like he was some sort of god. I guess if you've got it, flaunt it...
Other work happenings worth mentioning:
Hmm... what else can I say? I hate school a lot. Really, that's a given. I wrote a French test Friday in hopes of passing the French requirement my stupid double major thrust upon me. I'm in a rage a lot of the time. A rage that requires me to want to kill, kill, kill. I haven't done it yet, but if one more jackass tries to pass off my ideas as his own in hopes of scoring brownie points with our prof, he will have to be shot on site. If he had testicles, I'd order their immediate removal too. I haven't checked for myself that they don't exist, but I'm fairly confident judging from the fact he dated FFF last year. Her and testicles just don't work. I think she eats them for breakfast.
Yeah, so I've got to put this up before 7:00 b/c that's when I said it would be up on the first page. I know I could go back and change it, but I don't want to. Here are the meagre links I do have:
The life network has a Web site. It has quizzes. I don't know why I bookmarked this. Maybe you can let me know.
Ron Jeremy: Prolific actor/consultant/producer
I know I may have already linked to this, but it's fantastic. Let Smoove Take You Away (again)
The world would be a better place if we all wore name tags...
Puns not guns, folks
One of many ways to fuck up your kids
Bad, but so, so good. (ps: I'm going to hell)
So that's it for today.
February 20, 2003. 7:00 pm.
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"When you said bonds, I thought you were talking covalent."
Yeah, so I don't know why that line is humourous to me, but it is. I should be doing homework, but I really can't at this point in time. I am reading a fantastic book I picked up at a consignment shop in Lanark which had the word "kitten" in its name. Good store. Too bad the fifty year old man behind the counter couldn't break the $10 bill I tried to pay with for my $2 purchase. (For all who are on the edge of your seats, I dug up a five and everything was cool.) I don't know if it was because he was stupid or just b/c he didn't give a fuck, but there wasn't any tax on the purchases we made. I guess when you sell books for a dollar and lots of old hustler magazines, you're above tax laws. I'll have to remember file that away for future reference...
This is my last day of freedom. I made sure that my vacation from Costco coincided with reading week. I did read, let me tell you. I finished two Jane magazines, started a Cosmo, and I'm more than half way through that Bob Hope book from Lanark. I've also watched more television this week than I have all year. I think it's having an adverse effect. I'm not sure how. Maybe it's just all those stupid commercials I've been accidentally seeing. Like this one for cough drops that takes place on a subway car. All the ppl just start coughing and this guy in a weird suit starts handing out free samples. This other one was kind of clever, but stupid at the same time. This guy asks this business man, "What's that?" Assuming he's asking about an ad on the bench, the business man talks about the company. Then the guys says, "No. What's that?" and the business man says, "Oh. That's just a man dressed up as a squirrel." I guess from my description, you don't know where the ingenuity is. I'd explain it, but it really doesn't matter.
When I wasn't watching TV, I was roadtripping. As you may imagine, we went to Lanark. More specifically, my posse and I paid a visit to the chocolate factory where two bags of "Oops! Uglies" chocolate were purchased. They're just $10 a bag for chocolate that didn't turn out pretty enough for full price. All I can say is I approve. So does Turriffic, by the way, who bought a bag for her brother's birthday and who has "accidentally" eaten a few. She can't touch them now, though, without cutting the ribbon so they're safe. For now...
(PS: to the Lanark chocolatiers, quality is not spelled "qaulity" and generally, it's not capitalized when you put it in the middle of a sentence)
Along this road trip, we happened to check out St. Albert. You may have heard of their fine cheese products. Barring that, you're most certainly aware of their cheese festival. It's the biggest around, yo. Anyhow, Mike (who just "hocked a big loogie. That bitch was stuck in my throat and nauseating me all weekend.") saw this camouflage baseball cap that he should have got his dad. He would have, too, but he couldn't bear to spend $9.99+tax on the thing. (Wait. We were in a small town, forget that tax part.) I guess the cheese factory logo did reduce its appeal exponentially. I'll forgive him just this one time.
Yeah, so that's enough for now. I've got to pick up the boy from work soon anyway.
February 23, 11:25 PM.
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So I just can't stop listening to gansta rap lately. I don't know what it is, but it's fantastic. I even started listening to the lyrics which is a big deal b/c usually I'm against listening to ppl describe sex with hos in explicit detail (sex with hoes is cool, though. nothing wrong with that...) I've determined that 50 cent is one stand up guy. In one of his songs he says, "I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love." It's really refreshing that a rapper is willing to admit that. Since I'm evading homework, I decided to do a little more research on him. Seems "He's without a question, at the top of his game, being an artist of Multiple Talent." Also, "He�??s been stabbed and shot since being in the public�??s eyes and has never snitched on anybody but instead remained in his gangsta state of mind." That's a man I can respect, yo! For the full details, go see this biography. Pure hilarity. Especially for something that's supposed to be serious...
Prostitutes who get scabies exponentially decrease their market value. This is fact.
In one of my boring classes (four of my five classes are just class presentations. I might die soon), I decided to try and manage my time. I figured it out. I've got about 3 hours of me time a day. If you subtract checking and writing email, this leaves me with only 1 hour to do what I please. This is not cool.
Talking to cats via MSN messenger is difficult. This is fact.
I'm a little pissed off. I used up every last cent on my Carleton card (for photocopying and snacks and such) b/c this is my last year and I don't want those fuckers to get any free money out of me. Unfortunately, my coursepack didn't have the readings I needed to do my presentation next week so I had to put more money on. I now have to spend $4.56 before the end of the year. I can buy three bottles of pop with that, but I'll have six cents left over. Now, I can't bear to give Carleton $0.06 for free. Would it look that stupid if I put $1.19 on the card to buy a chocolate bar? Meh, it doesn't matter. I'm going to do it at the end of the year anyway. They'll understand. They'll have to.
Pop rocks are neither pop nor rocks. This is fact.
So I've got to get ready for work. Damn ppl at Costco demanding my services in exchange for wages. If didn't like the wages so much, I'd stop going. To keep you entertained, here's some more Smoove B links:
Girl, She Means Nothing to Me
You Will Know Love
Turn the Lights Down Low
I Have Returned, Baby
Destination: Another Level
J-No out
February 27, 2003. 3:47 PM.
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Good day fellow crack monkey. My site is just about two years old. This makes me wonder. Just wonder.
Wow - some cock left the gate open in the backyard. It's blowing in the wind and making a horrible screeching sound. Kinda makes me want to die inside. That, or just close it. I may choose the latter.
I've been noticing my main page gets checked almost everyday. This is strange and new to me. I haven't written for months and ppl are still taking a look. Well, I say give the ppl what they want - more me! Wait, that just about made me barf. (you know, no one says barf anymore. it's always puke. puke this and vomit that. let's get back to our roots, yo!)
Yeah, so since this is so much easier to access now (my computer mysteriously righted itself. i approve), I just may have to do semi-regular updates. I make no guarantees, but keep checking and I'll keep offering. That doesn't only mean in web form...
Links - it's what I do
I present to you: I, Anonymous
The power of one.
The power of urine.
"Goodbye testes! And that's a fuckin' promise."
Beautiful. Fucking beautiful.
Satire gone wrong?
It took me a bit, but I figured out how this works.
Love conquers all. Especially a 28 year age gap and a 14 year old boy.
This kid will go far in life. Mark my words.
Yay penis calculators!
That's enough for tonight. I work in seven hours.
May 24, 2003. 1:45 AM.
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So I'm bored and doing an update seems like a good idea. My inspiration comes from an email I just composed to some guy whose page you can see here. Read the whole thing. It's mildly entertaining. Then turn your attention to the short paragraph I sent him. It went a little something like this:
Dude,
I have recently been exposed to your page via collegehumor.com. I was
wondering if you saw the irony in it. I mean, it's entitled "let me
spell it out for you" yet it's full of spelling errors.
I thought I should bring this to your attention. Good luck with
getting women to see your copious amounts of potential.
Julianna
It's just a little pranky-type email. I thought it was clever. If anything comes of it, I'll let you know.
Now to our links...
Learn to be a pirate. YAR!
"Education is all in your head."
There's a sex guide for everything...
So there aren't many links. Sue me. Or my new dog.
June 16, 2003. 9:47 PM.
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So I was scrolling down the page and saw the word "fuckhead" somewhere in there. I don't know what the context was, but whatever. I'm sure it was warranted.
Anyhow, I'm putting off sleep right now, but I'm making this a quick one anyway. Today at work this women's credit card wouldn't work b/c the stripe was demagnetized. As a good Costco lead, I called the credit card company. There was a big misunderstanding and the authorizer thought I was calling b/c there was a block on the card. As per usual hilarity ensued which ended in me finding out they have the wrong address for this lady and them sending the magnetized replacement card to the wrong address b/c she, as the secondary cardholder, can't change the information on their account. People boggle my mind.
August 31, 1:06 AM.
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