So I write a good half-page and what happens - my computer stalls. Typical. Fortunately, my memory was able to salvage half of it. The other half, I will fill with hilarity of a different kind.
I have decided that I should do something productive this summer. If I don't manage that, I will be as unproductive as possible doing things like playing
Collapse. I got to level 9 on my second try. I'm the beast in the East.
You know what I think? No? I don't really either. What I do know is:
Good night. April 22, 1:29 AM.
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So I'm not super-drunk. I sobered up considerably - it happens. I can tell you that I'm super-tired though. Drinking and walking a million blocks in the freezing weather b/c Steff occasionally believes Bank and Bronson are synonomous - they both start with B! - will do that to you. I drank almost constantly for ten hours. That's a lot of straight drinking for my liver. I'm sorry liver. I'll never do it again, or not. My foot is itchy and I no longer have the desire to type so that's pretty much it. This page is called sprocket. You're cool b/c you're reading this. I am sick of ppl killing and maiming other ppl. Why can't everyone get along? I just don't understand. If you care, my psychic/good-educated-guesser-ness was almost right today. I said one hour and it was really two. Oh well, as least I had fun. That's all that matters, right? Okay, to bed. Bonne soiree.
April 27 - not my birthday - 2:40 AM.
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Now that everyone is moving, I have time to reflect on stuff. I don't like reflecting so much but there comes a time when you just have to think about things. Today was one of those days.
Sometimes I wish I was ridiculously stupid. I would be the butt of everyone's jokes, but at least I'd have no idea on account of my utterly incomprehensible stupidity. It would be great! Happy in my dead-end job b/c it would take all the concentration I possess to do it well enough that my dumb ass wouldn't get fired. I'd have trouble giving change. Instead of automatically picking up a quarter, two dimes, and four pennies to make forty-nine cents, I'd have to think really hard. First I'd probably pick up a quarter, a dime and a nickel and then think about what else I'd need. Meanwhile an obviously mentally superiour member would just stare at my ineptitude. Unfazed (b/c I wouldn't have noticed the scornful gaze), I'd tentatively pick up another nickel and four pennies, look at my hand quizzically and think, "Well that's forty-nine, but ..." At this time, the member would notice my puzzled face. More than a natural pause later, there'd be a flicker of recognition in my eye. "Two nickels is a dime. Shucks, I'd better fix that right up. Hehe," I'd finally say to myself (or possibly out loud if my brain wasn't quite aware of how to run a proper internal monologue). That would be the life. When people slighted me, I'd have no idea. Wouldn't spend hours analyzing their every action and my every reaction in great detail. I'd be way too busy trying to stay alive crossing the street. Hell, I'd probably need to remind myself to breath every once in a while.
These ppl are everywhere and they don't seen to be doing anyone great harm. There was this woman at Walmart today that kept the line at a stand-still because she insisted a $20 item was $3 on sale. Then when the cashier called the department and told her no, she's like, "Fine, but that one is $2.00 and it scanned wrong too. Look at the price tag!" So he glances at the item and looks at the receipt and says, "Ma'am, it scanned correctly. The price reads $2.80. See." So she huffs and says she'll take it anyway and proceeds to pay for her armload of crap with two checks (I don't know how), a ten, a five, and a more than a handful of change. She left without saying a kind word to the cashier or apologizing to anyone for making us wait for 10 minutes. She was inconsiderate and without a doubt stupider than dirt. She didn't really understand how everyone really disliked her. She had no concept of the hell she put the cashier through. I want to live in the muddled shadows of stupidity! That way I'd never feel bad about myself b/c I would be too dim-witted to see my inadequacies. I wouldn't be sad. I wouldn't be anything. I'd be a happy simpleton.
You know, I decided today that there are two things that make me most happy. I challenge anyone to tell me what they are. You'll even get a prize. How does $50 sound? You get five guesses and with each guess, you lose ten bucks until you're down to zero. Sounds good to me. Happy guessing.
April 30, 12:01 AM
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Blah day number 345: I went to the dentist this morning. She mercilessly picked and polished starting at 8:50 AM but now my teeth are like those of a high-priced call girl. Not too shabby. I guess it was worth it. I do have one happy fact to report - no cavities. They're not even "observing" any new teeth. I can only thank my electric toothbrush and occasionally flossing for this boon.
I feel ick. My stomach is making funny noises and feeling ill-like. I hope it was just something I ate. Could be the non-sleep. I hope I'm not becoming a hypochondriac. Actually, I'm probably not b/c they generally don't think they could be suffering from fake illnesses. It's all real, baby!
I decided today that I'm happy with my friend turnover rate. As long as I don't start appropriating all my friend's friends, I'll be okay. Shouldn't be too hard for a "social animal" like me.
I've lost my will to be funny. I just wanted to update tonight, but these types of things should probably be reserved for when interesting things happen. Here are some links to help hold your attention.
Have I mentioned there's an "I love Jake" fan club?
I hope this is just an example of what religious wackos think. PS: If you're a religious wacko, I apologize.
Speaking of religion, some collegehumor.com guy wrote that he likes to think of the ball as one of the kid's souls. I thought it was hilarious.
I got dibs on the guy with the bad teeth!
Sign me up. I'm excellent with a water pistol and I'm super-good at soaking crotches...?
Since I'm all religious tonight or something: "Everytime I look into her eyes, I think think -- God hate me." Brings a tear to my eye.
And what web update would be complete without a TheOnion story. It's not their best, but they honestly haven't been all that good of late. Oh well...
So, yeah, I'm going to bed. I'm a tad tired and the ick feeling has subsided enough that I will probably get in a few hours of sleep uninterrupted. I can only hope. So long cow pokes. HONK!
May 3, 3:25 AM.
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Well, my computer is being a huge bastard so I'm too wound up to sleep AND I haven't fixed my problem. Whatever, I've apparently had the problem forever so I'll be fine for the time being.
I've reconsidered my stupidity wish. I am too considerate of my fellow man to inflict myself on anyone like that. You see, I have found someone that insipid and unbelievably stupid (they have found me rather) and she's making me absolutely mad. This damn worm infecting my computer doesn't help any. She's just so ... argh! I can't even put it into words. I calmly but firmly tell her we're no longer friends and she thinks I'm joking and laughs up a fucking storm. UNREAL! There are so many socially inept ppl it's just too much for me to think about. I have a plan of action to deal with them though so everything should work itself out in due time. I've decided to be boring and stupid around the ppl I don't really want to see anymore. No longer will I say anything humourous on purpose, no longer will I try to keep their interest. In the end, they stop suggesting we do stuff. They think they're rejecting me when, in fact, I've rejected them. They don't feel bad. I don't feel bad. It's a win-win situation. That's my current idea anyway. So that's all for tonight.
May 4, 3:35 AM.
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I'm doing an update for two reasons. One, b/c I can and ... um, I forget the second one so that's pretty much it. Maybe I was going to say I have a lot of funny shit to share. That's as good a reason as any, right? Anyway, let's start off with pre-1985 video game characters.
 I am an Asteroid.I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind. What Video Game Character Are You? |
I considered cheating and copying the code for the Kung Fu Master b/c "he dislikes crowds, especially crowds containing people trying to kill him" but my asteroid nature told me that was a bad idea. I was also thinking about being Mr. Do based on his write-up that says (in part), "When I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples." I know a few ppl that would be Pacman b/c he's "afflicted with munchies constantly." Yeah, so I'm easily amused. Whatever. There are some pretty funny ones. I encourage you to read them all if you're bored or something.
Wow, I just discovered that I'm really similar to this person I utterly and totally dislike. Well, I don't know HOW similar but just enough that I'm thoroughly disturbed by the revelation and probably won't sleep tonight. The non-sleeping may also be on account of the sinus cold that does not permit me to breath when I'm horizontal. I bought some (legal) drugs for that though so I'm crossing my fingers for peaceful slumber.
To get my mind off the whole disturbing episode, here are some more links:
I finally found what I need as a catchier title page! (PS: The counter was at 1 when I got there, whatever that tells you...)
Another fun, addictive game. My high score after 10 attempts: 1,029. Not too shabby...
So I type in "go blow a goat" and this comes up. Go figure!
Lego and the Bible... Can I say heaven on Earth? No, b/c that would be blasphemous. Thanks Mike.
"Oh no, someone has soiled the air!" Here's what you should do.
Green vegetable matter... Right.
Please shoot me if I ever make one of these. Also, please shoot me if my boyfriend is a pedophile. Thanks.
"I would not sell a man a hamburger if I thought my buns were stale." (Funnier in context)
Wow. He is sad, just like he says.
"He wasnt too happy when he found out I was a guy....."
"Mike and Jake make a show of yelling 'Yarr' in a pirate-like way every day." Weird, but riveting once you highlight the text to make it reader-friendly.
I've just realized I'm exhausted. I wish there were more content. Maybe at a later date...
May 10, 4:14 AM.
PS: Sign My Guestbook so I can feel the love. Do it as often as you like. Just remember, if you're not cool enough, I won't let your inane post in. Wait, I'm not that discerning ... Feeble remarks now welcome.
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If you're looking for links in this update, I am sorry sir, but you will be thoroughly disappointed. I write tonight b/c I've done a bad, bad thing... twice. I will try not to do said bad thing again, but it's super-difficult. I was just curious about something and I got my answer. Unfortunately, it's not the one I wanted. Fortunately, I'm not so broken up by it at the moment. Perhaps I will crash and burn later on after I take my extended nap. We shall see.
Oh, and if you think I'm going to tell a soul what bad thing I did, you're sorely mistaken. No one, but me, knows about it and we're going to keep it that way. I'm not a bad person. Really! I just play one sometimes...
So despite my arsenal of cold remedies, my nose is aggravated by excessive kleenex usage. I'm really not impressed. On an unrelated note, Rummy-O is a pretty fun game. Fun for the whole family you might say. Well, you might say that, if your family was a troupe of trained circus monkeys. I'm probably saying it b/c I need sleep...lalalalalalalalala. I think I'm slowly going crazy. Why are 99% of ppl disappointing 90% of the time? It just doesn't make sense. And why is the other 1% disappointing 40% of the time? Are my standards too high? Bleh!
FYI: I love many of you anyway. The ones I don't love, I like enough to keep seeing. Your position in the hierarchy is noted and will remain +/- 5 for at least a year at which point I will recalculate everyone's status and then reinstate the one year +/- 5 ruling. Please note that the 5 is arbitrary and is subject to change without notice.
You know, I'm high on crack. It might be the grease fumes I've been inhaling whilst working since I've been in Resto (Costco's fancy name for restaurant) two of my last five shifts.
AND in conclusion: Yay, nay, nay, nay, yay, yay, nay, yay, yay, and yay. In that order.
May 13 - Marlene's Dad's Birthday - 3:33 AM.
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I don't really feel updatish, but since I won't be able to update at all this weekend, I decided that now's a super time to do it. I WOULD update, only due to some geocities maintenance, I won't be allowed. You won't be able to see it either. Please, don't cry! Everything should be spectacular by Sunday when I'm at work.
You know, I really have nothing to say. I'm working super early tomorrow - 7:30 AM. Most ppl I know won't even be up! The sweet thing is, I'll be off at 4 so I have my evening free. YAY YAY YAY!!! Also, Survivor is on tomorrow and this time I will not miss it!
I've decided that half of what I want to impart tonight will not reach its desired audience. The other half will reach too wide an audience if posted here. Hmmm...I guess I'm screwed. Blah!
Again, I apologize for the poor quality of this update. I much prefer the insane ones like the one on May 13. That was some good shit. I will whip the update-writing monkeys into shape at my earliest convenience to ensure it never happens again. To make this trip worth your while, I will now proceed to find you some cool links.
Well, it's been half an hour (or more, I lost track of time) and I can't find anything good. I have resigned myself to the fact I'm being uncool tonight. Those are the breaks, yo!
May 16 - DruggieDave's birthday - 12:04 AM.
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