The resemblance of this Roxanne to the one we left behind in the parallel time is uncanny.  While Shaw was in the drawing room with Elizabeth explaining her horoscope, I stayed to talk with Roxanne in the foyer. I barely spent time with her counterpart, at least when she was conscious, so I don't know how alike they are outside of their looks. With the ease of a woman used to getting her own way, she leaned against the door to listen, deliberately artless, and I could see how she would have been appealing to Barnabas even without the resemblance. She shared little of what was going on in the drawing room, but then the door is thick and from experience I know that it is hard to hear through. Shaw came out looking pale and shaken. He warned Elizabeth to stay out of "that room" again and then Roxanne bundled him out the door. I would say that Barnabas has a right to be jealous of Shaw. 

I wish I hadn't suggested that we go up to that room to see what Shaw was so afraid of. I suppose I was eager to find out who this ghost is -- it can't be Gerard! -- that the horoscope referred to as "an enemy that would become a friend." I desperately hoped it was a sign that we could keep the disaster from coming, but I may have put Elizabeth in danger because of it, and the irony of that is that I know longer think I should go into that room. Quentin is right. If I believe that Shaw is gifted, and actually can see the future, then it's foolish not to believe that if he says the room is dangerous, it is. Only Quentin's arguments in convincing me, did just the opposite to Elizabeth. So often treated with kid gloves, or as a child, she has grown to resent it. She reminds us both that it's her home, and that she'll go wherever she wishes in it. 

She's changed toward me. I did talk to her like I would a child, telling to stay out of the room, but now she is being childish. She even accused me of dreaming the journey into 1995. Then she put the bust on the railing. The same bust that almost fell on me in the future. I tried again to talk with her, but she will not see that Collinwood is in danger.

This very day in 1841, August 27, the Java Queen, the original of the small ship in David's room, 23 brigands and cutthroats perished at sea, the only survivor, the captain, vowed to unite his evil crew in death, raising them from the grave to kill and plunder once more. I almost forgot about those graves that are fenced off, separate and away from all other graves on Eagle's Hill. Were they the graves of the men who were rejected by both heaven and hell? And are these men the letter from "G" is to, "Know ye who do not rest…" 

As soon as I found the letter missing from the diary, I knew that if any human had taken it, it must be David. He and Hallie were the only one's near it, after I caught them coming in at almost one o'clock, supposedly having been out to innocently look at the stars. Even as I wrestled it from his hand, he denied having it. Denied any knowledge of the green flag. I'm surprised he didn't deny standing face to face in the room with me. I'm frustrated that I cannot get through to the children. Threats to tell Elizabeth, promises not to...nothing gets me any closer to earning their trust.

I understand the Cassandra in mythology, and her madness, in a way I never have before. Having no one believe you, when disaster is eminent. I'm living on coffee, and my fingers itch to hold a cigarette. Sleep is snatched when it's convenient rather than when I need it. This after all that put my body and mind through in parallel time and the future. Am I going crazy or is all of Collinwood? David, Quentin, Sebastian Shaw, Elizabeth now, they all tell me that Barnabas and I should give it up. 1995 was a dream, we're bringing the disaster upon ourselves... Are we wrong in trying to stop this "thing" happening? Maybe we are, but I can't forget 1995 and what I saw and felt there, not ever. I must keep trying to do what I can. 

I need to talk to Barnabas, to someone who will believe me! Someone who will help me get those children from this house.

Trust. Belief. Are these meaningless words now?

I found Barnabas and Maggie in an embrace, Barnabas drooling over her neck. He assured me she was safe. But no one is safe, not at Collinwood and he knows it. I didn't argue with him. I've argued with almost everyone I was with today, and could take no more confrontation. Besides, I've always trusted him...I used to always trust him. 

Barnabas was upset that Maggie was having dinner with Shaw. He's jealous. I thought it laughable at the time, since he was already jealous of Shaw over Roxanne. But to go so far to keep her? Should I have stopped her from seeing him to the gate? He looked in control of himself. I blame myself. I only realized how long Maggie was gone, when Maggie came in as the clock struck midnight. It wouldn't take an hour to go to the gate and back. Her neck...the marks. Why? Why did he do that? 

As soon as I settled Maggie, I hurried to the Old House. Barnabas looking up from his book, all innocence. He denied that he attacked Maggie, swore to me he didn't. He swears that he would never lie to me, and yet he does. I have always stood by him. I want to again and he knows that. He offers theories, but his reasoning is so lame, Sebastian Shaw...As much as I would love to see him as the vampire, Barnabas knows that I've seem in daylight... Could Barnabas be that jealous that he thought he could put the blame on him?

Elizabeth, Quentin…has Barnabas too turned away from me? His betrayal hurts me more than all the others could together. He's coming soon, and I must get downstairs to meet him.

Before I took him to see Maggie, I faced Barnabas with my lack of trust. I cannot lie to him. He asked if I had hinted about him to Maggie, and I told him the truth, that I couldn't tell her anything that would put him at danger. He questioned that perhaps deep down I believed in him. It seemed important to him that he had my trust. And again, I had to tell the truth, that I was certain he had done it. The look on his face... I hurt him.

I explained that I didn't want to lie to him. And the hurt seemed to be replaced by new determination. Then I realized that I had practically used his own words when he told me that he never lied to me. He asked for me to test him, and I took him to Maggie.

Her reaction to him was nothing like victim to vampire, wanting him to leave. I watch him with her. Was he that way when I lay dying from Tom's bite? He's full of fear and sorrow, guilt for what he is and for what he has done. I'm sorry that I ever doubted him. There are no more lies between us.

Maggie cannot tell us of her attacker, any more that I could say Tom Jennings's name when I was held in his thrall. Even now after all this time, it still does not come easily to my tongue. 

He soon found her, and I did what I could with a transfusion. Lies. We made up new lies for the family, but as we exchanged glances I was relieved that there are no more lies between us. At least none that matter.

If only we could get to the illusive truth. But the only way we can think to do so, trying to find a psychic link with the other, could expose Barnabas' own secrets and endanger him more than it would protect Maggie.

We've had our first break through. Quentin's diary mentions Gerard. At least we think so. The entry for October 14, 1839 It says that he must do something he dreads, go to see G at the cottage. G must be Gerard and the cottage Rose Cottage! Not a servant it seems, but what is he connection with the family and why isn't there a record of the murder? At least I know where to start looking, the old real estate records in town.

Carolyn has sung the song, taking us one more step toward the end. Only a murder and the destruction of Rose Cottage are left.

Earlier when I was battling Elizabeth's sudden disbelief that Barnabas and I even went to the future, she said that she'd believe Carolyn's singing as a clue. The young woman can't sing...she can now. She also has gained the gift of second sight. She doesn't seem like Carolyn any more.

I hurried to the Old House to tell Barnabas, and after wasting a few minutes explaining how I was too late to stop her from singing. -- how I should have been able to accomplish that even if I had been in time,  I don't know -- he then asked me about the song she sang. It was only familiar to me, but he knew it at once. It was Pansy Fay's song and from fifty years later than the time we've been so focused on. Gerard has made a mistake letting us know that he knew Pansy Fay.

Barnabas talked to Carolyn and got a story of how she had found the song in the attics. But that is just another lie among the many that we've been told. She now can look into the past. And Barnabas made her look for the the playroom for us. She saw it, the carousel turning, and the toys, but she would not, or could not take us there.

The children had seemed untouched by the latest happenings. When I looked in on them earlier, they were complaining about homework. So, I didn't blame Elizabeth for not seeing that they should leave Collinwood. But Barnabas and I could feel the cold presence of Gerard in the room with them, so I was relieved that he decided to to not wait for her permission but to get them to Eliot. If only it hadn't been his night to lecture...

By the time I was able to reach him, David had disappeared. And Hallie, after finally breaking down and revealing that she had seen ghosts, panicked and tried to run away. Eliot insisted I bring her to him. 

I don't trust Quentin, but I have no proof that I shouldn't. While I got her things together, Quentin let Hallie slip away from him. Quentin said he thought he felt a presence and Hallie disappeared when he turned to look for it. He avoided my eyes as he told me this. Guilt about Hallie getting away, or was it something else? He didn't lie about feeling a presence. When I picked up the handkerchief on the floor, I could smell the scent of lilacs. I confronted him with the handkerchief, but he denies seeing Daphne. I have no way of proving that he did.

We found the children, asleep in their own beds. As Elizabeth's horoscope read, the night was going to end in peace. Such a feeling of relief, but it was short-lived. Barnabas overheard Carolyn talking to Hallie and David, or should I say Carrie and Tad? The children are possessed. And Carolyn too

Barnabas and I confronted Quentin. He was devastated when we told him of the children's possession. Whatever Quentin has done, or why he's done it, he didn't intend for the children to be hurt by it. He told us about Daphne. 

The three of us share a bond. Each of us has experienced the hold of a force bigger than ourselves, causing us for a time to be less than we are. At least Quentin knows how to fight it, and now that he knows how important it it, he will.

We have found Rose Cottage, the old Mac Gruder Cottage, but we still know little of its history. Carolyn said that no one has lived there since she died. But who is she? 

The children are safe at Wyndcliffe. Elizabeth can't fight all of us, and Stokes and Quentin can be quite persuasive. The dogs were howling when I returned, and Barnabas and I found that Carolyn had left Maggie alone. I gave her another transfusion. If she is attacked again, I'm not certain that another transfusion can save her. The lack of will could kill her as easily as the loss of blood. Barnabas went to search for the other vampire again, knowing from the attacks that the vampire is closely watching the house. 

I was called to Wyndcliffe because David and Hallie are running very high fevers. Fearing that the fever signaled the beginning of the next clue, I hurried, only to find to sick and frightened children, nothing else.

Tad was afraid to sleep. They've changed so much that at times I even think of them as Tad and Carrie. While I was checking on Hallie he made a pentagram on the floor. If only I could get him to trust me maybe we could find a way out of this. I left him in Quentin's care, but when I came back from the other, I found Quentin outside the door. At first I thought he was trying to help, but soon I realized that he was guarding the door against me. I forced my way past him and into David's room. There in the center of the pentagram stood David, and Daphne.

It wasn't until she stepped from the pentagram that I believed that Daphne was now alive and I knew just how deeply Quentin was involved with her. Raised from the dead, was that what Tad was doing in the pentagram? Or has Daphne taken the body of someone else from this time, as the children did? We left the children where they are safe, and returned home.

Quentin was shaken. He had sneered at me earlier, when I told him that everything was happening the way we found it had happened in from the future, and then he came back with word that Stokes had been called away... just as I had predicted. 

Daphne says that she cannot restore David and Hallie, and has no desire to. Her allegiance is to Tad and Carrie. She will prevent me from doing anything to change them back. It was child's play to hypnotize her. She saw her own murder. Something tied to the Green Flag, waved in the window, 3 times, as the letter said. Rose Cottage would be first, tonight, and then her murder any time after. Time grows short.

The smell of smoke and soot from the fire that Gerard intended to claim Barnabas and my lives, still clings to my skin and hair. The fifth of the six events has now happened. Rose Cottage is destroyed, burned to the ground by fire. 

Just as we had when we fled parallel time into the future, we stood powerless as the room around us erupted in flames. I was tricked into going to Barnabas, but as much as I regret another of the events occurring, I cannot regret my going to Rose Cottage.

As soon as I entered the house, Barnabas told me that Gerard wanted me to come because he knew that Barnabas wouldn't leave me alone there. He tried to get me out, and when he couldn't, I begged him to go, to take care of Daphne, to rescue the children. He could have left me, he should have left me. But he didn't.  

"Never without you..." Those words that he said...it seems so long ago...they weren't meaningless or empty as I had thought, but were true. Are true. 

I will always be thankful that Roxanne came to Rose Cottage in time to save our lives. Not that it was my life she was saving when she rescued us from the fire. Thank goodness that Barnabas had left a message for Shaw with her as to where he would be, and that she had decided to come when Shaw refused. A small victory against Gerard, but it's enough to give me hope.

Barnabas helped me home, his arm around me, keeping me from stumbling on the dark paths. He said nothing, and I kept burbling. I was afraid that if I didn't keep talking, I'd say the words that I wanted so badly to say, and dare not.

As soon as we got back, we went to Maggie's room, only to find Mrs. Johnson out cold on the floor and Maggie gone, presumably through the secret passage to the beach. Barnabas got Willie to help and went off to look for her, but it was Willie who found her. 

Carolyn told us that she knew where Maggie was. She refused to tell me, unless I'd tell her where the children were, but Willie worked some sort of magic on her, and then he was off to follow the clues to find Maggie. And he did, finding the vampire's empty coffin at the same time in an abandoned mausoleum.. 

If it hadn't been for him, I doubt Maggie would have lived until morning. It took two transfusions just to keep her alive, but with any luck, this will be the last night that she is in danger, and the last night that Barnabas will have to stand guard over her.. 

In hindsight I should have realized that the vampire was Roxanne. The clues were all there but I missed them. As did Barnabas. Each for different reasons, maybe we didn’t want to see them.

Willie and I stood over the coffin, neither wanting to open it. He put into words the same thing that I was thinking, what if this was Barnabas’ coffin, and two others such as ourselves were about to take his life? The thought almost gave me physical pain. I don’t want to think about life without him.

And then we opened the coffin to find Roxanne. Willie lifted the mallet but I couldn't let him bring it down. Yes, Barnabas asked us to kill the vampire, his vow on the graves of his ancestors to kill “him” still echoes through my mind, and I do not believe his feelings are as deep for her as he would like to feel, but to kill Roxanne would be a breach of trust between us. One that I’m not sure could be healed.

I looked at her. With her coloring, and her spirit, she could have been my younger sister. She had saved my life. And besides, she, like him, is a creature of the night, someone to share eternity with. Perhaps she is the woman who could finally make Barnabas happy.

Willie wasn’t convinced that killing her wasn’t the right thing to do, but he did as I asked, and he and Quentin brought her, coffin and all, and we put her behind the bookcase in the secret room, chaining her coffin so that she could not leave it. Knowing whom the vampire is, we know who her protector is too, Sebastian Shaw. His feelings for Maggie were strong enough to draw him away from protecting her, but he is dangerous as long as she lives.

I got no joy when Roxanne tried to attack Barnabas. Holding the silver cross that he gave me to protect me from Megan, watching not only she cringe from it, but Barnabas run from me to hide in the shadows gave me no sense of satisfaction. I am the one who is different. I am the outsider.