The last of the two candles Angelique so generously left for me is nearly half burned and I find myself wondering which will be extinguished first - the light from the candle, my limited supply of ink and paper, or my strength. I fear it will be the latter, for even as I sit here, I feel my strength fading, my body betraying me as fatigue, hunger, thirst and exhaustion all come together to lull me into sleep. I admit that would be the easy way, to simply lie down, go to sleep, and never awaken, but that would also be a triumph for Angelique and I am determined she not have it. I will not tell her what she wants to know of Barnabas nor will I surrender to her and die quickly. No one but she may ever know of my struggle and while she may be the ultimate victor, I will go to my death knowing that she knew I did not give up easily; that I love Barnabas enough to die protecting his secret. I have no doubt Angelique will not see it that way. She will think me foolish and stubborn and willful, for she has no concept of love, let alone self sacrifice for another, but I will know it.

Suddenly everything is so silent. The house is so still. Even the small, non-human creatures who live in the depths and darkness of Collinwood’s cellar seem to have stopped their movement, ceased their noise. Never before have I heard such stillness. It is as though the house is completely empty, abandoned, devoid of all life but my own. The ticking of my wrist watch, my breathing and the almost imperceptible scratch of pen depositing ink on paper are amplified to fill my small prison room. Have they given up hope? Have they abandoned Collinwood to whatever ghosts walk its hallways in this time band? Will I soon join the ghosts that haunt the hallways and hidden rooms of this mansion?

No! I must believe Barnabas will find me, that he will triumph over Angelique and find me... But Angelique has stopped coming. It has been hours - or is it days? - since she came to torment me. I will not be drawn into her game. I will not panic and begin thinking she too has given up on me. She wants to know what I know about Barnabas too badly to give up so easily. She has changed tactics, nothing more, and I will not give in to her. I will not!

Fatigue, hunger, thirst, relief... all came together so that when Barnabas finally found the lever to open the door and release me from my prison, I fell into his arms, sobbing. It wasn’t until we had left the cellar and were on our way back to Loomis House that I realized Barnabas had not been alone in finding me. Maggie and Roxanne were with him. Resentment flashed through me, my inner voice sarcastically commenting that Barnabas had brought the cheerleading squad to my rescue. That was quickly silenced and replaced with my sense of the absurd. When Barnabas told me Angelique was dead - or re-dead - it was all I could do not to start singing a rousing chorus of “Ding Dong, the witch is dead...” from The Wizard of Oz. I managed to restrain myself, knowing Barnabas would never get it, and doubting the other two would either. Instead I just released a strangled chuckle.

Now I find that bureaucracy is the same in parallel time as it is in my own time. After my rescue and release, Inspector Hamilton expressed an urgent desire to speak with me, so when I should have been resting, getting cleaned up and having something to eat - a rich chicken vegetable soup with fresh, warm bread sounds like manna from Heaven right now - I found myself en route to the police station. Now it is hurry up and wait while Inspector Hamilton brings in the people who will take my deposition. At least I have been able to clear Quentin and have just spoken with Barnabas to let him know Maggie is on her way back to Loomis House, as Quentin and I will be here another hour or two.

So much has happened this evening that I have not allowed myself to dwell on that which is so very obvious. Barnabas and Roxanne. He has made her his and she has that distant, dreamy look in her eyes that tells me she believes herself to be as hopelessly in love with Barnabas as he believes himself to be with her. I do not want to think about this but I cannot help it. I am grateful to Roxanne for the part she played in my release, but I do not know if I have the strength and fortitude to watch as Barnabas makes a fool of himself over another sweet young thing who he, if he were using his brain to think, would realize can have no place in his life. She belongs to this stream of time while Barnabas and I must return to the time in which we belong. But will he see that and accept it? Not willingly and not without a great deal of persuasion on my part. I do not know if I can do it, if I have the inner strength and reserves to endure Barnabas’ melancholy and laments over having lost another true love. I do not want to lose him to another woman, to give him up, but I am realistic enough to admit and accept Barnabas has never been mine to lose... (Episodes 1058-1059)

There was a time in my life, in the relatively recent past, when my biggest concern was which medication and method of treatment would be most effective for any given patient; when the supernatural, time travel, parallel time and any of the other events I have survived since my arrival at Collinwood were relegated to the pages of science fiction novels and the imaginations of Hollywood script writers. The past few hours have made me consider how uncomplicated my former life was and how... unreal my current life has become. No, not unreal. It is all too real, but perhaps... beyond my imagination.

I can think of no succinct or concise way to summarize the events Barnabas and I have witnessed the past few hours. Suffice it to say Quentin and Maggie are reunited and safe. Stokes has failed in his effort to continue Angelique’s destruction of the entire Collins family but has succeeded in destroying the Collinwood of parallel time. Barnabas and I have returned to our own stream of time, leaving Roxanne in parallel time where she may or may not have perished in the fire Stokes set to destroy Collinwood. My personal opinion is that she could not have escaped the conflagration that consumed Collinwood, but Barnabas is unwilling to believe that and wants to return to parallel time to find her. With more relief than I dare admit or show, the portal into parallel time has been destroyed by the fire. Whatever Roxanne’s fate, Barnabas has no choice but to accept the limitations now presented to him due to the no longer accessible or functioning portal.

While Barnabas was lamenting his loss and cursing what the room had caused him to lose - Roxanne - we realized something about the parallel time room was different. We found the Collinwood of our time to be not only deserted, but in a state of almost complete ruin. The house seems to have been abandoned in great haste, and while not destroyed by the conflagration that consumed that other Collinwood, something devastating took place in this time. Collinwood has been all but destroyed, and the few clues Barnabas and I have been able to find tell us nothing.

It is early afternoon now and I don’t know how I have kept going. It has been days since I had a descent meal, even longer since I had a good night’s sleep. I continue because it is necessary, because we must find answers, and I am the only one who can do so.

While in the cemetery, hoping to find Barnabas’ coffin, he and I encountered an older and much frailer Mrs. Johnson - by David Collins’ grave. David, who died in 1970! Nearby was a new grave, the date on the headstone: 1995. Somehow Barnabas and I encountered a warp or a bend in time while returning from parallel time, and we are now 25 yeas in the future. H.G. Wells never imagined anything like this for his tale of time travel. Mrs. Johnson, about whose veracity I have doubts, did give us a lead, to Carolyn, whose mental stability is very questionable. Her frame of mind is very mercurial, her answers evasive. I am convinced she know what happened but either can’t - or won’t - tell us. Carolyn was adamant that we leave and never come back. She, like Mrs. Johnson, does not want us to find out what happened, and this has made Barnabas even more determined to do so.

I have had some sleep, although it was far from restful or healing. Barnabas and I returned to the mausoleum after our visit to Carolyn, to find his coffin intact in the secret room. He insisted I get some sleep and in the same breath demanded I go to the village and the Courthouse to see what I could learn from the records there. No details about what happened at Collinwood were made available to me - the clerk claimed the records had been destroyed in a fire even though I am certain he was lying. He did give me one piece of information, although I am certain he did not intend to, concerning a Mr. Flagler. As I was leaving the records office, I saw Professor Stokes who, like Carolyn and Mrs. Johnson, and the clerk, was markedly unhelpful, warning me to forget about leaning what happened and leave Collinsport immediately. Unable to do anything else, I returned here to the mausoleum to sleep for a few hours before Barnabas awakens. I can easily imagine I am functioning on pure adrenaline, as I have not had the opportunity to take care of myself since being released from Angelique’s hellish prison, less than twenty four hours ago.

I am calm now, although the events of the night have frightened me beyond anything I have experienced before. I was terrified when Tom Jennings attacked me. I feared for my life and safety when Adam was at his worst, his most unreasonable and demanding. I trembled with dread when Petofi held me prisoner. I feared for my sanity when I was exposed to Jeb Hawkes in his true Leviathan form, but this night has surpassed all of those experiences... Barnabas and I visited Mr. Victor Flagler, who told us of his visit to Collinwood on a dare and the resulting death of his companion, Jean. Barnabas and I returned to Collinwood and experienced much the same events as Mr. Flagler described. Had Barnabas not warned me and I moved out of the way a fraction of a second later, I too would have died the same way as Jean Flagler met her death. At that instant, as I watched the marble bust topple to the floor and shatter at my feet, I felt the very real, very evil presence that is responsible for the catastrophe that has claimed Collinwood. I am certain of it, even though I have no concrete evidence. I told Barnabas we must trust our instincts concerning this and my instincts tell me we must flee; return to 1970 if we can and avoid the confrontation with the purest, most complete, all consuming evil we have ever encountered, for we will not be able to win this confrontation and we will not be as ‘fortunate’ as Carolyn and Mrs. Johnson to survive it. I do not know how I can make him understand that all the evil we have encountered in the past - Angelique, Nicholas Blair, the Leviathans, Danielle Roget - all of them are fledglings against whoever or whatever this evil is.

Barnabas is determined to stay, wanting to learn what has happened in order to save his family before it happens. I understand that and would like to help him, but he does not fully understand, even after he and I both saw the embodiment of the evil sneering at us from the window of Collinwood after I had run from the house in abject fear. The house belongs to him now, and he will not give it up easily.

Yes, I am calmer now, in the relative safety of the Old House, but I am by no means easy about what I saw and felt. Everyone we have met while here - Mrs. Johnson, Stokes, the county clerk, even the sheriff - have all re-enforced what Carolyn initially told us - to leave Collinwood and forget about what happened here. We may eventually be able to leave, but I doubt I will ever be able to forget what I have seen and felt, what has happened to me here, and as we learn more, the evil and fear will only increase. Perhaps I will be forced to cope with this in the same way Carolyn and Mrs. Johnson have done - by escaping into a fantasy world where everyone is alive, well and the events Barnabas is determined to uncover never took place.

On the more practical side of things, Barnabas has given me some money he had at the Old House and in the morning I shall walk into town to purchase food and a few supplies. I must eat and try to regain my strength if I am to help Barnabas in this. I would rather return to Angelique’s room and wait for the room to change, to return to 1970, but Barnabas is not ready to do so and I cannot leave him to do this on his own. My instincts tell me it is dangerous to stay here, for I cannot get the image of that absolute evil from my mind. (Episodes 1060-1063)