TTMABchapter10

All that I have found in reason
Is reason just to not believe
When all that you're left is treason
Is treason just to let it be

Justin ran down the hall to Lance�s room, tears streaming down his face. Lance had finally found a doctor that he trusted enough to open up to, and then Jc went and blabbed Lance�s story to Chris. By the time Justin was outside Lance�s room, the tears were gone and he was mad.

Justin realized that Chris had probably told Jc all about him and his eating disorder. He didn�t have proof of that, but he was sure of it. The thought that Chris had told his story to Jc made him even madder.

He stood outside for a minute trying to calm down. He didn�t want to yell at Lance. He wasn�t sure how to break the news to him either.

Justin jumped when the door opened. He looked over to see Lance coming out of his room.

�Lance!� Justin yelled.

Lance smiled when he saw Justin and walked over to him. �Hey, what�s up?� he asked Justin.

�I need to talk to you� now,� Justin sad in an icy tone.

�Woah, what�s wrong? Are you ok? I�m supposed to meet Jc outside, but he won�t mind if I�m a little late,� Lance told Justin, �so what�s up?� They went back into Lance room for more privacy.

�I doubt you�ll want to go meet Jc when you hear what I have to tell you,� Justin replied. Lance froze when he said that.

�Why that?� he asked cautiously, becoming nervous.

�Oh, Lance, I don�t want to tell you, you�ll be so hurt. And just when you were starting to make progress!� Justin exclaimed, tears filling his eyes.

�Tell me, Justin,� Lance demanded.

�Um, I was going to talk to Chris and I was about to go into his office when I heard voices,� Justin started, sniffling. �It was Jc. And he was telling Chris� telling him about the last s-session you h-had with him. H-he told Chris everything, Lance.�

Lance�s reaction was scaring Justin. He was standing completely still and the dead look that hadn�t been there for weeks had returned to his eyes. A second later, Lance�s body crumpled under him and he fell. Justin caught him before he hit the floor. Justin held Lance�s limp body to him in a tight hug, whispering words of love, but Lance didn�t respond at all.

Justin picked him up, lying him in the bed and pulling the covers over him. As he was doing so, he heard a knock on the door.

He made his way to the door saying, �who do you think you are you ass-� but he cut himself off when he saw Joey. �Oh, hi, Joey.�

�Um, hi, Justin. Is something wrong? It�s time for Lance to take his pills,� Joey said, wondering whom Justin meant to call an asshole. He had an idea of who it might be, and he hoped to God that we was wrong.

****

Jc say by the tree where he and Lance usually met, sobbing quietly. He had hoped that Lance would come, even thought he knew that Justin would go straight to Lance and tell him what had happened.

�How could I have been so stupid?� Jc asked himself, �Lance will never forgive me.�

He cried harder, knowing that if Lance told his boss about this, he would be fired. He�d signed a paper saying he wouldn�t discuss a patients business with anyone but the patient. He�d wanted to quit earlier, but now he wanted, more than anything, to stay and help Lance.

Lance had become such an important part of his life. He had also helped Jc out a lot. He was getting better, and that meant that Jc had helped him at least a little. �But all that waiting and talking and now I�m back to nothing,� Jc thought to himself, �God, I am such a fucking screw-up.�

****

Justin stayed by Lance�s side for the whole afternoon and late into the night. He sat in the chair next to Lance, talking to the unmoving form, and running his fingers through Lance�s hair.

Lance had told Justin once that his mother used to run her fingers through his hair when he couldn�t sleep or when he was upset. Ever since then, Justin had played with Lance�s hair while singing lullabies softly if Lance was upset.

Justin didn�t know what to do next. He wasn�t sure if he�d done the right thing. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut and left Lance out of it. But he knew that he probably wouldn�t have been able to do that. He couldn�t lie to Lance, unlike Jc.

Justin fell asleep with his head resting on Lance�s bed, on hand hold Lance�s and the other still running through Lance�s hair.

****

And that�s how Chris found them the next morning. He had gone to Justin�s room, wanting to talk to Justin, but had found the room empty. He had assumed that Justin was in Lance�s room already.

He smiled slightly when he saw the two friend�s bodies tangled up in the bed, both of them sleeping. He stood there watching them for a minute before turning to leave.

�Wait,� Justin whispered softly, and Chris stopped moving. He turned back around and met Justin�s sleepy gaze. �I need to talk to you.�

�Well,� Chris thought, �at least he doesn�t hate me so much that he won�t talk to me.�

�Ok,� Chris agreed as Justin got out of the bed and went into the bathroom. Chris took that opportunity to look over at Lance. He had curled into a ball after Justin had gotten up and he looked to be sleeping peacefully at the moment.

Justin came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, looking a little more awake. He walked past Chris to the door saying, �my room.� Chris followed Justin until there were in his room, with the door shut behind them.

Justin turned around to sit on the bed.

�About what you heard yesterday, Justin,� Chris started, but Justin interrupted him.

�What about it, Chris, what about it? Do you tell Jc everything I say too? Huh?� Justin asked, his anger coming out. But his eyes showed the betrayal that he was feeling.

�Yes,� Chris answered, his eyes on the floor. He felt so horrible. �But it�s not what you think.�

�You don�t even want to know what I�m thinking right now,� Justin snapped.

�Please, Justin, let me try to explain. Can�t we just have an adult conversation?� Chris asked, hoping that Justin would let him talk.

�Fine,� Justin said, pouting. He really didn�t want to be mad at Chris. Chris was the best thing that had ever happened to him. And he wanted Chris to fix this mess. So he listened.

Noticing the Justin was giving him his attention, Chris started, �ok, um, I do talk about you to Jc. But I doubt it�s what you�re thinking. We don�t gossip about our patients. Josh and I truly care about you and Lance. Through what Josh has told me, I�ve come to love Lance. And the same thing for Jc with you. We don�t share your stories to brag about how much we�ve helped you. We were happy that we gained your trust and that we could help you. I care about you so much Justin, and it scares me.�

Justin just stared at him. Chris looked like he was telling the truth. Justin wanted to believe him so badly. �You aren�t just making this up so I won�t tell the boss and have you fired?� Justin asked cautiously.

�God, no, Justin. If that�s what you want to do, then do it. We probably deserve it. But I don�t want you to hate me. I didn�t want you to be thinking that we betrayed you just to gossip. And I wanted to let you know how much I really care,� Chris explained, sighing. Tears pricked at his eyes.

Justin saw the tears forming in Chris� eyes. And the tears weren�t fake. Neither was the caring look in Chris� eyes. No one had ever looked at Justin like that before. Justin knew that he couldn�t hate Chris. He didn�t think he�d be able to live without Chris being there for him to talk to. He didn�t want another stupid doctor. He wanted Chris.

Justin didn�t say a word. He just stood and walked over to Chris with his arms open. Chris stood up and hugged Justin tightly.

�Thank God he doesn�t hate me,� was all he could think as he held Justin close.

****

Jc stepped into Lance�s room quietly, noticing that Lance was still asleep. The tears returned to his eyes as he saw Lance lying on the bed, curled into a tight ball. He looked like he had when Jc had first saw him. He looked so alone and so broken. And Jc knew that it was all his fault.

Lance woke feeling someone�s eyes on his. He opened his eyes to see Jc staring at him, tearing running down his face. Lance closed his eyes a few seconds later, not able to watch Jc cry any longer. His heart hurt. It hurt so bad. And Jc had caused the hurt. But it hurt more now that he�d seen how upset Jc was. Maybe Jc was truly sorry. But Lance couldn�t forgive him yet.

Jc saw that Lance was awake and turned to leave. He noticed that Lance�s breathing was evening out, so he turned to leave. Before he left, he whispered, �I�m so sorry Lance, I love you so much.�

Lance�s eyes popped open as he heard Jc�s words. �He loves me?� Lance thought, �someone love *me*?� He couldn�t believe it.