| Chapter 1 |
| Justin hung up the phone just as a choked sob came from his throat. No, this couldn�t be happening. But it was. He knew his mother wouldn�t lie to him about this. He sank down onto the couch of his hotel room, and his body shook with sobs. She was gone. And he�d never see her again. He never got to say goodbye. **** Lance hummed a song to himself as he made his way to Justin�s hotel room. They had an interview with some magazine in a few hours, and he wanted to make sure Justin would be ready. He smiled to himself as he thought of Justin. He quickly stopped himself before his thoughts got out of hand � like they usually did when he thought about Justin. He�d been in love with Justin for years. Well, maybe only one, but it felt like forever. But he knew Justin would never want him, he knew Justin was straight. �But a guy can dream, right?� he whispered to himself as he reached the door to Justin�s room. He knocked softly, and frowned when Justin didn�t come to the door. He figured he was sleeping, so he got out the extra key he always carried, and slipped quietly into Justin�s room. He hoped Justin was asleep. He loved to just sit in a chair beside Justin�s bed and watch his chest rise and fall as he slept. During that time, he imagined what it would be like if he were to kiss Justin awake. These daydreams always ended happily, with Justin confessing his secret love for Lance. And of course, Lance admitted his love too. Then they made sweet, passionate love. But it wasn�t like that. He could dream all he wanted, but it wouldn�t come true. So he treasured the times when he could just sit back, watch Justin sleep, and imagine them together, as a couple. He pushed those thoughts into the back of his head as he entered Justin�s hotel room. The room was fairly dark considering it was the middle of the day. The only light was supplied by a lamp that sat beside the couch. Lance walked through the living room, heading towards the bedroom where he assumed Justin was asleep. He stopped short when he saw Justin�s form curled up on the couch. �He must have been exhausted,� Lance whispered to himself, smiling softly at Justin�s sleeping form. �He didn�t even make it to the bedroom.� Lance moved closer then, daring to sit down on the coffee table directly in front of the couch. He was now only inches from Justin. He let his eyes wander up Justin�s body, starting at his toes and ending up at his hair � the curls. Lance let himself gaze at the beautiful curls on Justin�s head. He had a sudden urge to touch them, and he did. His arm moved before he could stop himself, and he ran his fingers through the soft curls, trying not to wake Justin. Justin moved a little, and Lance snatched his hand back quickly. His heat beat sped up, but he calmed down when Justin stopped moving and fell back asleep again. He sighed, wishing that Justin had woken up and that his daydreams would come true. His eyes wandered down from Justin�s curls to his face � the face of an angel. But then Lance noticed something that shouldn�t be on the face of his angel � tear stains. He could see the paths that tears had run down clearly now. His heart hurt as he wondered why Justin had been crying, why he hurt. He never wanted Justin to hurt, and if Justin was in pain, so was he. He wanted to wake Justin up immediately and demand an answer, but he knew he should wait. He didn�t want to make Justin more upset. So he sat and waited. He wondered when Justin would wake up. He knew he�d have to explain why he was there, but he would just say he was checking up on Justin. And then he�d carefully ask why Justin had been crying. He just hoped that Justin wouldn�t shy away from him, shut him out. That would hurt more than anything. Because he wanted Justin to be open with him. And he wanted to be open with Justin. He stared at Justin a little while longer, realizing that he�d have a really sore neck when he woke up because of the position he was in. Lance wondered if he�d be able to carry Justin into the bedroom. He didn�t want to drop him. But he figured he could try. Lance carefully slipped one arm under Justin�s head and the other under his legs. He lifted Justin up slowly, not wanting to wake the younger man up. He shifted Justin in his arms slightly and then made his way to the bedroom. He put Justin down on the bed and somehow managed to get him under the covers. Lance sat on the side of the bed, not wanting to leave Justin incase he woke up upset. He didn�t want Justin to be alone when he was hurting. He was broken out of his thoughts as a whisper came from Justin. �Lance?� Lance winced at the sound of Justin�s voice. He sounded horrible � like he�d been crying for hours. Lance�s heart hurt again. �Yeah, J?� �What � why are you here?� Justin asked, rolling onto his side and looking up at Lance. �I � um, I just came by to see how you were doing. I was worried about you, so I used the extra key,� Lance replied, feeling himself blush deeply. �Oh,� Justin responded, and then he got this pained look on his face. Lance realized that he�d probably just remembered the reason he�d been crying before. And Lance was right. Without saying a word, he pulled a teary Justin into his arms. He held Justin tight as he sobbed. Justin�s body shook with each sob, causing Lance to wonder if something horrible had happened. But he wasn�t going to push. Finally, Justin quieted down, only sniffling every so often. Lance pulled away from him slightly, laying him back down on the bed, and wiping the tears from his cheeks. �What�s the matter Justin, what�s wrong? I hate to see you crying,� Lance said, tears coming to his eyes as the pained look in Justin�s. �I,� ::hiccup:: �My mom called,� ::hiccup:: �And told me,� ::hiccup:: �My grandma.� ::hiccup:: �Oh GOD, Lance, she died!� Justin exclaimed through his tears and hiccuping. Lance�s eyes widened and then filled with tears. He cried with Justin this time, saddened not only by the hurt Justin was feeling, but by the loss of an important person in Justin�s life, and a wonderful woman. Justin soon fell asleep in his arms, and Lance maneuvered them so that they were both lying down in Justin�s bed. Justin nestled himself tightly in Lance�s arms, and Lance found himself thinking that he�d liked to be in this position forever. But then he cursed himself for thinking such selfish thoughts at a time when Justin was in so much pain. |