Jay: Oh! A carrot for the [points to his head], that�s smart!
Jude: Yeah, and some sherry [holds out thumb and forefinger to represent a small glass].
Jude: Some sherry, yeah.
Jay: Yeah, makes sense.
Jude: And now I�m, of course I�m�[looks around carefully like he just spilled a big secret] and now I�m the one eatin� the mince pies and drinkin� the sherry and�
Jay: That�s right. Now you have kids, right?
Jude: [finishes his last thought]� eats the carrot.
Jude: [replies promptly, like answering this question has become an old routine now] Seven, three and one.
Jay: Okay�oh, so this is like Christmas extra�this is when they�re really into it.
Jude: Yeah, it really is, it really�well, them and me [points to himself and the audience laughs].
Jay: Right. So you put it out, and then what�
Jude: I do the whole thing. A lot of sparkly dust, eat the mince pie, drink the sherry [imitates all these actions as he says them], which is the best bit [audience laughs] and� put the presents out [smiles and laughs with Jay].
Jay: Now what do they want, what do your kids want? Are you�
Jude: My, uh, my little girl�s three and she just wrote �anything Barbie� [smiles], that�s all she wants.
Jay: Anything Barbie.
Jude: [repeats] Anything Barbie.
Jay: You know I got a Barbie thing with the teacher [Jude and the audience start to laugh�probably a bit from Jay�s opening monologue] I don�t know if you saw, with no panties, but you can get the panties I�m sure.
Jude: [holds hand up to ear like he�s talking on the phone] You�ll have to give me the number.
Jay: Yeah, I�ll give ya the number.
Jude: My son wants a splurge gun because he�s just seen Bugsy Malone, you know, he�s seven.
Jay: A splurge gun?
Jude: You know, those custard pie guns [pretends to hold a gun]�I don�t even know if they exist, but he wants one, so I�ve gotta figure out how to�
Jay: I remember them, I don�t know if they actually have�well that�s gotta be fun in the house, throwing custard pie [audience laughs].
Jude: [smiles] Yeah� I�ll be like [puts on a mock serious face and points out towards the audience] �In the garden!�
Jude: Yeah, yeah.
Jay: So�well that�s not too bad, those sound all attainable.
Jude: Yeah, yeah, I hope so. We�ll see if they�ve been good and we�ll see what Santa can do [smiles].
Jay: Now, I wanna ask you about� you were in London, this David Blaine guy that was over there [a random audience member shouts/cheers].
Jay: Oh he wants to be a magician�
Jude: Yeah, and I took him down to see David Blaine.
Jay: You mean he was hanging in the box?
Jude: Yeah, yeah.
Jay: What�s to see, it�s a dehydrated guy in a box [Jude and audience laugh].
Jude: Hang on, I thought it was the English who were giving him a hard time. You know, �he�s a really big hero in America, stop giving him a hard time!�
