| 01/21/2003 Okay I�ve tried to enter this three times now, hopefuly it�ll work this time. I�ve done it again� taken a perfectly good fresh start and shit all over it. How? Easy� I went on a date. That�s right. I thought I could handel it. I thought it would be okay.. It isn�t . don�t get me wrong she�s great. Funny, smart, nice�a little to �touchy feely� maybe� but All in all..really nice. But it�s going way to fast, for me not her. And i� I just don�t know what to do. I could let it ride, see whare it takes me. But, I did that with my x. I could talk to her, and she could understand� she could flip out and walk out of my life. The real issue is how do I do this with out screwing what might be a wonderfull experance all to hell? I lack tact�the fact I have this page and I know she might have the link speaks volumes I think. But how do you tell a woman who wants to give you all of her you can only handle like�20% but maybe�eventualy it could be more�. And now I�m going to ask to slow things down? I mean what kind of moron am I?!? But I need to find me first. She deserves all of me, I can only offer a small slice. Latter? Hopefuly she�ll be there. But for now I need to fix me. Can I do that without loosing her? |
| 2/6/2003 Okay, i know it's been a while but i've been bussy trying to find myself again. It's harder than you might think. i mean i did one thing for ten years and now... square one. but it's okay i'm makeing it on my own . no mater how hard it sometimes seem. I've lost a few friends but i gained one more than i thought i had. i'm verry happy about that. well all forr now.. getting drug away.... ^,^ andy. |
| 2/10/03 Things keep changing, it�s life. You wake up one day and your starting over. It was scary, I won�t lie. But some times the fear just can�t keep you down. Some times you fight agenst the current that is your life. Some times it�s okay to cry. Some times it�s good to die. Some times you get lucky and you rise from the ashes. Stronger, bolder and un afraid of the storm. Some times you bury the past. Say a prayer and move on. Today is that day. I died a thousand deaths, always cringing in fear. Of what might happen if I�m alone. Then I met her; she was nice, warm. She offered me her ear. Lent me her strength. I learned how to walk, given wings to fly. But you don�t know how strong I am becoming. All because of this blondish haired girl with the cutest smile. She built me up, took on my ballast and now I�m feeling whole. I can stand-alone. Fight for what I believe. I�m not afraid, no longer scared. Beat me, hurt me I�ll fall seven stand eight. Tear at my walls set me ablaze. I�ll still be standing. Nothing could make me take it back. So I felt it. At first a warm feeling in my chest. Then I started telling her stories of my life. Showing her my skeletons in my closet till none were left. Why was I so honest? Why did I hold nothing back? Then it hit me. I cared. I CARED! How did this happen. I wasn�t looking. I didn�t want to� but here it was. It wouldn�t go away. I tried to ignore it. She didn�t need me in her life. after all i was older and getting a devorce from the last woman i fell for. I could only complicate. But all the same. To be near her. To here her voice. I would blush. My heart would flutter. I was a kid in high school again. A crush? Yes� I had a crush. She was nice, cute anything but quiet. And I was trying so hard to pretend I wasn�t wooed by her. But I was. Ooh man was i. I tried to tell her.. So many times. But I just couldn�t form the words. I sent an e-mail?!? Ya, exactly what I did. Laid it all on the line. And waited. Three days. 0o It all most killed me. (Lord knows poor Todd got tired of me wining about it) And she said yes!! so the question......now what? fly to the moon? dance my happy dance? i wish it was spring. i'de go to mill creak park, find my spot, get a blanket and write poetry for her. send one per day two on mondays. untill there was nothing left to write. untill all the words were used up. then i'de sit there quiet, knowing there was nothing left to worry about. aah yes the ramblings of a fool. andy. |
| 02/24/2003 Things are good! I�ve been a busy man. Hanging out with my friends meeting new ones, and as long as I can keep my friends from forcing their single girl friends on me I�ll be just fine. Don�t get me wrong I love the attention! It�s just�. There is so much more to do now that I�m able. And I don�t know what�s coming down the road. It�s been so long since I�ve been this happy. And there is so much I don�t know about my self but I like who I am becoming. Found an apartment!! We (my brother and I ) move in next month, it needs some remodeling done to it but otherwise� it�s a two bed room apartment with a nice sized family room and kitchen. It has a nice frt. Porch for sitting around with your friends. I�m really looking forward to it. Don�t get me wrong I like staying with my parents but at 28 I really need to have my own place, I can�t stay their forever. I need to check my lawyer�s pulse.. It�s been a month since we last spoken. He�s cashed my check so I know he�s eating well�.hehe ^,^`` But I would like to get some of my stuff. |
| 03/03/2003 well so much for regular posting, doing well, having fun. working a lot, maybe too much. my friend diana is moving to atlanta georga, i'll sure miss her smile. but otherwise no complaints. ^,^ i get my car back tonight!!! yeah! no more crappy sunfire! i get my lani' back!!! *dances* all for mow see you same bat-time same bat-chanel! |
| 4/1/03 still alive, i lost my mgr, 2 sales reps and the whole c.care staff in the same month.... so things have been crazy! that's it for now. |
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| newer rantings!! (you know you wanna... |