| How do I respond? I barely knew her, just a name on the card� a face at my b-day parties.. I barely knew her�. Cancer? How do I console my mother when I hardly know her mother. She never made time for us� until she needed something.. I hated her for that. Cos� I felt I wasn�t good enough to know� she �s dying and wanting me to come down. But why? There is nothing to say, no I�m sorry for keeping you out. For telling me I was a fuck up at the age of six. What can you say? Good bye. I spent the night at my girl�s place. It�s odd.. We kissed and held each other, it was the closest to feeling loved that I�ve ever felt. I held her in my arms, and slept..If even for a little and I can�t even begin to tell her how much it met to me. And no one would ever know who she is.. Not really. She opens up around me. Like a flower to the sun showing things no one else will ever see. Showing the face behind the mask. And I�m honored�cos� I know it�s only for me. She let me in and I loved her� we didn�t�you know� I said loved her NOT made love with�. But just in holding her� <Sighs deeply> I think I love��^,^ but i can't share it can i? |
| April/14/2003 SUMMER!!!!!!! <Dances> woo hooo!!!!!! It�s sooo nice outside!! I need to get my scort� and start going hog-wild on that mother�. WAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! <Drools in anticipation> Can you smell that? That�s fear running for its life. I�m out to kick ass and ain�t no one gonna stop this boy this time� I�m a man on a mission�. F34R /\/\ 3!!! <Poses in dramatic stance> Why you may ask? I�m gonna start racing again�.ooah yeesssssssssssssss�.. I just need to get the old girl all legal.. Then I�m all set. Well that and do my taxes�Oo` |
| June/10th 03' Man, it�s been a while hasn�t it? I know I know I�m ignoring my poor site far too much�. So where have I been you ask? Out there (points to world) living� It�s been interesting; I�ve learned a lot about myself. I found out that my morals are stronger than I thought. I found that dating isn�t easy.. And the best thing to do is not try to force it. Before my current girlfriend I went out with this girl. She was nice enough but she wanted way too much of me than I could give. Frankly, she reminded me of my X. But the lady I�m with now, ooaahh man.. I couldn�t hope for any one better. She�s my friend first and my lover second. We can just talk for hours as I lay holding her. About nothing really important. And we don�t always see eye to eye but we don�t yell. We realize that it�s going to happen and accept it. I don�t like using the word �love� because it�s tossed around so much. We love our pets; we love our soft drinks�. But, I feel as deeply for her than I have for anyone. And It doesn�t scare me she knows it. Some of my friends are uncomfortable with the affection we show each other, they would rather we hide it. I hate to upset them but that�s not going to happen. I love to hold her; I like rubbing her feel and it am great how by looking into her eyes everything else just fades away. It�s like a part of me knows this is ware I belong. The only thing I question is why I ever hesitated? But maybe I needed the time to focus..To really understand the joy in holding her hand. No, I�m sure of it now, no questioning, no going back. |
| 11/3/03 Rember me? ya ya I know, I don't call I don't write.... a Lot has happened in the last few months. the devorce is finaly over, I got layed off from sprint, I'm currently slinging parts for a living while trying to get into something better. I woln't lie i haven't posted because i had nothing worth saying. Really i still don't but, I didn't know what would happen if i didn't post, I sure don't want to be deleated.. I have a cuttlas i'm working on right now.. It's a good project car, the body is nice and it has 37,000 orginal miles on it. I got it for a steal. But it wasen't really what i wanted. I'm working with freddy again and i have to say it's intresting, he hasen't changed and I kust kind of slid back into place like i never left. It was nice of him to give me a job like he did I never realised how good of a friend he is to me i'm really very lucky to have such a friend. well that's it for now. I'll post more latter. andy. |