It's 3:50pm right now, 9/18/03
School seemed to roll by me purty slow today, as it seems to everyday. But at lunch I was able to do something that I wasn't able to do for a while... think...
I started to think about my life (and love life) and came to the conclution that there really is no point in me staying in HB anymore... the fact that the group I hang out with everyday seems to disappove of me now. I have change form the way I was when I was a freshmen, and I feel that it is better this way! Now for my love life... the woman that I had been going for has seemed to of found a new person... I do kow the feeling of being crushed but this a new feeling for me. Only a few people know of my feelings for her, but Im putting on this page, it helps me get it off my back.
So to finish my report of my first day of online journal, I feel that it would be better if my moving date was sooner and that I need to get a girlfrind... or Im going to scream!
It's 4:25pm now, 9/19/03
This is what I love about fridays, you dont have to see other people for a whole two days... unless you want to witch is wrong in my book.
I'm trying to forget the feeling of love, so far all it has done for me is just kick me in the balls and left me to dry in the middle of the street.
I really dont want to talk about my day much.... all I have to say is that I got way to pissed off from what happened and still need to get over the feelings that hang on the pieces of my heart...
It's 5:40pm now, 9/22/03
This monday was... um... how would I put it.. fucked, ya that will do.. and trying to hide it behind a fake smile doesn't help either... The girl that.. um... ahh what the hell... loved got on my case today about her friend, and started to say that I blamed her. But I know I didn't... so then she started to try to kick me in the balls. But I don't care anymore.. I know it was my fault.
I really don't have a lighter note... this day I would rate a fucked day. I hardly like to use bad words... so that shows you how much Im hurt... Im playing "Rest In Pieces" Form Saliva, damn good song... God I wish I would move soon... really soon.. like now...
It's 3:30 now, 9/24/03
There's a wedding going on in a game called iRO that Im sappose to be at... but since my comp doesnt like to load the game, I'm stuck with having my friend take lots of screen shots and all the stuff that I was sappose to do.
At school, I think that the one that I liked (aka: Aurora) is in pain every time she see's me. Now Im not sure if its me or something else, but I do know that that she would rather see me die for the most part. I've gotten over the fact that shes not going to come back to me. And I know I cant do a damn thing about it, but I've moved on, and dont hate her for hating me... its really hard to understand. Ive also have gotten over the fact that Im never going to find someone, Im born to be alone.
This fact does not bother me in any way, Im happy to know that I'm never going to find true love, its just to hard to find in the first place.... but thats just me, the rest of you go out and have fun with your little egg hunt.
It's 5:07pm now, 9/25/03
Well.... if you did find this, I had to hide it for one reason, Aurora has seem to be reading my little rants that I do on this page. Now it doesn't bother me that shes reading it, it bothers me that shes using the things I say here against me.
Well, it seems that she has finally got me pissed off. During the morning before school started (I belive there going out, not sure... she kissed me and we never went out so....) her and her boyfriend made out infront of me, that fucked me really hard. And the fact that she STILL doesn't leave me alone is making me think that she wants me back as a friend. Now I don't know weither she doesn't know how to kick someone in this nuts or shes stoping for a reason...
And then (this is what really pissed me off today) I went to go give one of my friends a hug, when I finished huging her, she comes up to us and says, "Hes a bad man, you don't want to know him!" Right infront of me! What the fuck?!
It's 6:57am now, 19/4/03
Sorry about not posting for a while, I've been playing Final Fantasy 11, the bata version. I love that game..... I really do... but update on Aurora: I think it still hurts her to see me, so that must mean that she hates me still... but she looks at me for long periods of time, but I dont look at her. I don't want her to think that I can't live without her, and Im trying to, so far.... its working. I've been having so much fun with my old friends!
Going to Knots Scary Farm soon... or what ever they want to call it. I still have alot of work on this website to do... but Im still working on it. This is the end of page one of my Journal, when I post again, its going to be on a different page! Bye!