By: Jason Sinkhorn

One day while riding his elegirafaapotamupanzee, Teeko
thought he would maybe try something new.  He jumped
off of his companion and leapt into the air...like a
swan dive would be executed.  Sadly, however, Teeko
fell flat on his face.  Well after two days of
counseling and five bandages every thirty minutes,
Teeko decided to try again.  He thought to himself,
"Maybe if I try to attach wings to my arms I could fly
then."  So without much hesitation, only stopping for
a peanut butter and apple sauce sandwich, Teeko began
to construct wings. First he tried to use styrofoam.
It didn't work.  He tried leaves from trees.  They
worked for about a split second.  Then Teeko learned
of a steel mill down the road.  He went there and
bought some.  He went home and pounded out wings.
Being so confident with his creation, he went to the
nearest high rise apartment building.  This building
was a good 12 stories high.  Teeko ran to the top like
a half crazed walrus towards a buck-toothed woman.
When he got to the top he crept up to the edge.
Saying a small prayer, Teeko leapt.  Oh how he loved
this soaring above the city with his new wings.  He
felt the wind in his face, the sweet smell of hot dogs
down the street, and a sharp taste of pavement in his
mouth.  He realized that he had died.  Luckily Teeko
went to heaven.  When God seen Teeko's desperation to
fly he said "TEEKO," God is loud, "YOU MUST PROMISE ME
TO USE YOUR WINGS ONLY TO FLY HERE AND NOT TO FLY TO
SHOW OFF.  IF YOU DO THIS YOU WILL SURELY FALL TO THE
PAVEMENT...AGAIN" So Teeko got his new wings.  He
practiced in the clouds.  He got stuck so many times
in those darn clouds that one day he decided to just
go right through them.  So he did.  He flew right
threw the clouds and into a 747 jetliner.  He fell to
the ground.  Being an angel had its perks though.  He
easily stood up and began to dust himself off when he
looked up and saw about ninety seven people looking at
him.  He ran to hide because God had said not to show
off his wings.  He ran into a shop that was full of
glass dolls and figurines. He posed.  He looked like
an angel floating above a waterfall that had been
dried by a greedy sea cow who just got off a charter
bus and hadn't went to the little sea cows room
lately.  He stayed posed for about an hour till the
crowd died down.  He quickly found the nearest door
and went in it.  He turned into glass and became a
permanent figurine and was sold for thirteen hundred
dollars on Ebay.com to some guy known to his friends
as "The Clicker".  By the time Teeko got to his new
home he had been broken to many pieces by an enraged
postal worker with a nasty case of chicken leg
syndrome.

The moral of the story:
Without proper materials one should never try to lean
up against a new couch that has dancing penguins
surrounding it.

The real moral of the story:
Swim...it's like flying, only safer.