Shorts
By Jason sinkhorn
One day while walking around a lake a young boy named Samuel found a rock. He could swear that it had mystical powers. He held on to it until one day he had to use it to throw at a bully. He missed and hit the girl behind the bully. He ran up and apologized and he asked her out. She said yes and the boy decided the rock made her love him. The whole time he was on the date he was thinking..."Man I'm glad I didn't hit the bully"
Once upon a time there was this beautiful princess. She lived in the highest tower in the castle. One day she tried to escape...when she reached the ground she called an ambulance and realized she should've taken the stairs.
When I was but a tiny lad my father said to me. "Boy what do you think that you will grow up to be" I thought long hours about this question the he posed, and still didn't know what job would be apropos. I sat long hours in the dark of night, trying to find the answer that would be right...Now I'm dying and old and gray, and I think I chose to be a corpse today.
When one mans garbage is another treasure, no one knows what can cause someone else pleasure. I threw away a toy car the other day and my neighbor's son plays with it everyday. My neighbor's wife threw away a whole pile of cucumber sprout and now that harvest has come My wife is in the bathroom and won't come out.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One, two three four five six....What's your name again?
In a mirror one can see a reflection of one's self. In a glass of water the same reflection only distorted. In a diamond ring a girl's image is happy but in the same reflection a man's freedom is thwarted.
All the candles were floating on the water in a romantic array, Now my pool is on fire and we're running away.
Jolly ol' St. Nicklaus lean your ear this way, I'll give you a wet willy so that you won't stay. My kids get presents from me that's all and you cannot butt in. I decide who's bad and good so don't do this again.
How much is that doggy in the window. The one with the AKC registration papers in tow. How much is that doggy in the window. That I sure hope my children don't know.
My Bonnie lies over the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean. So girls on this port come to me.
Baa Baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yessir yessir three bags full. One for my master, one for my dame, and one for the little boy who lives down the lane...so you're outta luck ya slowpoke come back next month before the rush. I'm not a factory ya know.
Oh where oh where has my little dog gone? Oh where Oh where can it be? With his tail cut short and his ears cut long he probably ran away from me. Little wuss.
Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow jumped over the moon, the little dog laughed to see such sport and I got sick of hearing all the commotion and told them if they didn't shut up I was going to come out there and shoot all of them.
Cowpies for sale! Cowpies for sale. I'll sell them a cowpie / but no one seems to want to buy. / Maybe if I told them it was meat they would / and that it was black angus and it tasted real good. / But still no one would approach to pay for my ware,/ i guess I'm stupid and I shouldn't care. / If they want me to just change the name from cowpie to meat / they can kiss my hind end cause I think cowpie sounds neat.
There's a cat sitting in that window over there. He has a long tail and calico hair. He purrs and he meows to make me aware, that he is a cat and his milk he don't like to share.
Poor people make me feel sad, they ask for my money and make me feel bad. For if a gift I give them today I will not eat then I'll act that way.
For a dime a dozen I can get twelve pieces of fruit, but if I save my money then I'll buy a suit. With my suit on I will get gifts from many and I will not buy your fruit for a penny.
If I were asked the meaning of life, I'd have to ask backn "Before or after my wife?"
Random thoughts sure do abound, when no one else is around. I think better without all that sound, at least that's what I've found. So before you ask a question of me, go away and hide in a tree. Your question will be answered whether or not you can hear, but I will know and you can ask me then my dear.
A goat crossed a bridge but was stopped by a troll, "I demand passage to that green grassy knoll". The troll took compassion on the goat that day, so he'd get fattened up then he'd eat him that way.
Hansel and Gretel skipped on through the wood. Behind the dropped bits and pieces of food. Now out in the middle of nowhere they find, that they have got hungry and are now in a bind.
Wee willy winky was drowning his sorrows in a glass of beer, Now no one has seen wee willy winky in a year. It is said in legends he went far away, to become a male stripper and his owner is gay.
When you pick a flower and begin to pick off it's petals one after another, make sure that your game isn't property of your mother. I guarantee the answer will be "She loves me not" when mother comes out and calls you a snot.
If I were given just three days in which to live my life, I'd probably introduce my doctor to his knife. Then spend my last day running from the cops, and slam on the gas at all traffic stops. I'd jump from my plane in the ocean you see, and a local legend would be told about me. The man who ran after being told he was dead, was none other than the invincible Fred.
Find a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have one cent and a barrage full of unmentionable bacteria all over your hands.
My name is Joe and I'm hear to tell you all, if you trip over me you will take a fall. I won't help you up and I won't give you aid, I'll just sit here and laugh and drink lemonade.
How far is forever and how long is the end, and how did you get my confession when I didn't hit send.
Sleeping dog that's in my chair, why don't you have to wear underwear? I can't seem to fathom why your's just shows there, and I get sent away when in public I'm bare.
"Don't go to bed yet I have a surprise" / When I showed her it you should have seen her eyes. / They got oh so wide and amazingly bright. / When I showed her my painting I called "Starry Night".
If you're in a prison shower and you get a small itch, do you bend over to scratch it and become someone's....nevermind...the end.
