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Dear Jason,
I'm having some trouble with one of my friends. You see we both like the same girl. She is an all around great person and we both adore her. I don't want to lose my friend over this, but I really want her to "be mine" I can't help but think that if I don't get to her soon, he may get her. What should I do.
Please help,
Desperate Undergrad Making Bad Assumptions Surrounding Sam
Dear D.U.M.B._.__._ (that's right folks, you can figure out the rest)
Here's my endless wisdom. First of all, think of a better write in name. Next, don't let a good friendship go to waste over a girl. Your friendship may last a long time while (and I'm not doubting your love for this girl) the relationship with her may be short. You should discuss this all with your friend. Or we could do it the old fashioned way. I can take a sword and chop her in half and each of you would get a piece of her (Note: The previous idea is taken from the Holy Bible, thanks Solomon) or you could simply play paper rock scissors to see who asks her out first. If you wait to long on discussing, however, you may lose her to a third party. Watch out for this. I may ask...I mean someone else may ask her out underneath your noses. Keep a positive attitude. Oh and have you asked the girl's opinion...It counts you know.
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.
Dear Dr. Sinkhorn,
I wrecked my car the other day. It wasn't my fault at all, but I said I'm sorry to the person anyway. Then in court she told them that I apologized and that meant that it was my fault. She pulled out in front of me so it's clearly her fault. How should I handle it?
Sincerely,
Speedy Trial Undermines Placement In Decision
Dear S.T.U.P.I.D.
This is an open and shut case in my book. Tell the judge the whole story and how your being polite doesn't put you at fault. One question for you. Did you really need my advice on this? No really? Anyway I also recommend speaking out for your fellow man. If you haven't noticed, insurance for men is higher than it is for women. Why is this? If we are for equality here in America, then why is this allowed. Every wreck I've nearly been in has been caused by, and don't take offense ladies, a woman. So why not just make insurance for a man equal to that of a woman. Now I will shut up so I don't offend anyone who may be thinking about dating me.
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.
Dear Jason,
People think I am crazy because of the people I date. I always fall for people who live a long way away from my current home. I would like to find someone closer to home, but it doesn't ever seem to work out. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Not One Maiden Around Domain
Dear N.O.M.A.D.
Okay, first of all, join the club man. Second, send the money you plan on wasting to travel around the country. Third, keep looking in your area. I'm sure there are plenty of girls who would just love a person who is willing to travel to God knows where and pay Lord knows what to see them. And I don't mean going to or frequenting the strip clubs.
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.
Dear Jason,
There is this girl that I have liked for a real long time. She is the most incredible person in the world. I have asked her out once and she gave me the "let's be friends" speech, but that was long ago and I think she may have come around. I really would hate to be rejected by her again. I keep trying to ask her or at least throw out some very obivous hints every now and then but I usually chicken out. To make matters worse, my friend and her are good friends and I don't really know if they are trying to be more. It's all so confusing and you probably don't understand it. I only hope you do and can give me insight.
Thanks again,
Jumbled All Sanity On Negativeness
Dear J.A.S.O.N.
Right off I'll say, nice name. Next I'd say I can see where you are coming from. If this girl is so special to you, let her know. At least tell her how you feel. If she don't take it well you obviously shouldn't ask her out again, but if it goes well then by all means, ask her! You shouldn't let fear get in the way here. If you care for her enough all that will subside, leaving only you and her, and a few well placed hints and perhaps more. If you should need more advice, don't be afraid to ask.
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.
Dear Jason,
This is getting to be a very awkward day. Like most of your advice column questions, this question involves a girl...or two. There is this girl I've known a few months who I love spending time with and talking to. If I miss out on a chance to see her I feel bad and kinda depressed. When I am with her it all feels right, but I don't know if she reciprocates the feeling. She's a coy one I say. Now you will notice I said two girls. The second one is a new friend of mine who I think may actually be interested in dating me. I do like her, I guess, but I can't take my mind off of the first girl. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Mistaking Everything For Utterly Nothing
Dear M.E. F.U.N.,
Okay buddy, listen up. This "first girl" you talk about. If you like being with her so much, why not just ask her out. If she says yes, then you can spend more time with her. If she says no, use the other girl as a fallback plan, a safety net. Just kidding. Don't date someone just because you want to say you aren't single. If you like both of them (which I guess is possible) then decide b/w them, but don't make one feel like she is second. That is wrong, and insensitive to a degree that would make a girl kick your typical guy butt up between your shoulders. If you end up with the "new friend", then move on from Ms. First Girl. You can stay friends, but don't neglect the girlfriend. An ancient Sinkhorn proverb says, "Man who dates one girl, and likes another, end up with no girl when found out or at least gets full of guilt."
Jason Sinkhorn N.A..
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