By: Jason Sinkhorn
In a small town called Chattanooga, there lived a
recently matrimonially enhanced couple by the name of
Wilbur and Eileena.  Wilbur was an architect who
usually drew plot layouts for the popular fast food
chains all over America.  He had designed many
places that all strangely resembled each other.  One
day his boss, a young boy of 13, came into the office.

"Look Wilbur," he said, "We are going to fire you now
because all your buildings are the same and well the
child labor place is shutting us down.  Sorry"
Wilbur didn't worry though.  He had a fall back plan.
His more than halfway decently attractive wife,
Eileena, had recently fell into some money.
Literally, she fell into it.  She was walking down the
street when she tripped over a small muffin and fell
face first into a winning lotto ticket.  I know you're
thinking, "Who'd be so careless as to drop a winning
ticket?"  Well the possessor of the ticket was
dyslexic and thought that he had the number 43 instead
of 34 so he threw it out.  Anyway, she found and
cashed it in that night when Wilbur got home from
work.  It was only about 2 weeks into their marriage
that this happened.  After a few days Mrs.
Windiddlyflopper (Eileena), took sickly.  She began
getting irritable and craving leftover salad from
Denny's.  Wilbur, now jobless, took her to the
hospital.
"You're wife is pregnant, Mr. Windiddlyflopper."
Wilbur passed out.  He was going to have a illegitimate
child.  He asked the doctor how long they had till the
big day.
"Two" said the doctor politely.
"HOLY SLOP BUCKET OF CAESAR!" yelled Wilbur as he
passed out again.  Eileena at this time was very
excited.  When Wilbur came to he found his wife
holding a 4 lb 3 ounces little boy.  He very timidly
smiled.  Looked at the boy, then to his wife, then at
the floor as he approached it once more in a fainting
spell.
"Pansy" sputtered out the baby.
"You talked" said the proud mother.
"Of course I talk.  What, did you expect, Morse
code...sign language...a series of beeps and flashes
of lights?  Good gravy woman.  Honestly not thou art
my mother."  The doctor taken by this asked the boy
his name.
"Linitor," replied the now irate child, "What's
yours?"
"Dr. Flemlink" said the doctor with a bad German
accent.
"Well doctor I suggest cutting this infernal cord so I
can begin my conquest over Chattanooga."
"What was that?" muttered the half alive father.
"I mean long quest into Chattanooga." said the now red
eyed fanged illegitimate child.  The cord was soon cut and
the child ran home. 
After a while at home with his parents, it seemed little Linitor had grown more childlike.  He began playing with rattles, sucking his thumb, and completing advanced Lego toy sets with his toes.  His parents were so proud. 
Then one day, while walking beside the lake with his weakling father, Linitor noticed a peculiar figure in the water.