Dear Jason,
I found out today that I am an accident.  My parents didn't mean to have me.  I wish they hadn't told me because I feel insignificant.  What should I do?
Sincerely,
Accidental birth spawn of some tactical elaborate, exemplified linking


Dear A.B.S of S.T.E.E.L,
I think you should stop whining.  My father said that I was adopted.  My mother admits I was an accident.  So as you can see I was accidentally adopted.  So you should count your blessings.  However, if you are an attractive female between the ages of 18 and 20, single, and looking then I completely understand your pain and would like to get to know you better.  I can't make accurate advice if I don't.  Thanks.     
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.

Dear Jason,
Lately I've been feeling really alone in this world.
I know that I'm not, but I can't help it.  I just am
very sad.
Signed,
Lonely in Louisville (Sorry, okay, Benton)

Dear L.I.L.(S.O.B.)
If you ever feel alone, just look up to the sky and
pretend the clouds are your pets.  If it's night look
at the stars and think of how each one could be an
angel peeping in on your life.  If that don't work and
your an attractive single female between the ages of
18 and 20 then give me a call.
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.

Dear Jason,
I can't help but think that this one girl likes me.  She flirts with me on and off, and then other times she is completely unreceptive.  I like her too.  I'd like to ask her out, but I am afraid to look like a fool.  What should I do?
Sincerely,
Desperate Over Albuquerque

Dear D.O.A.,
In my opinion, you should ask her out.  For starters, if you don't, you'll never know.  If you end up looking like a fool then at least you are a smart fool for asking her.  You never know until you try.  I know what you are going through, so just keep with it.  Eventually she may come around.  She's probably worth the wait.  If she does say "no" however, and she is an attractive single female between the ages of 18 and 20, then have her to give me a call.  To talk to her about her problem, of course.  Yeah that's it. 
Jason Sinkhorn N.A.