Title: Ochite Yuku (1)
Author: Scarlet Kozi
Genre: Drama, romance
Band: Dir en grey
Rating: R
Comments: I have no idea of where this is going so far, but I figured that I should just give myself up to my instincts and go through with writing it. I have an inkling of what I'm going to do with it, and rest assured that it won't be your typical Dir en grey pairing story... nor will it be your typical "one-member-of-the-band-is-a-whore" kind of story, because that isn't the case here. There will be a few twists and turns, to say the least. But don't worry to those of you who are hoping to avoid my usual sadism when it comes to writing j-rock. By the way, the title means "falling," and I just thought to use it... not sure why... Anyway, read this and hopefully you'll like it so far! I would appreciate it so much if you commented.
The club was dim, and over the dance floor several paces away, dim lights glowed and lasers flashed. The rest of it was dark, and almost eerie---people everywhere, crowding around each other, dancing and drinking and laughing. The faces were smiling, their teeth gleaming, their eyes invisible, looking almost sinister.
Shinya sipped from his glass, sitting at the bar, and winced. The taste was horrible, but when the bartender passed by, he lifted his hand to say that he wanted another glass anyway.
Idly, he glanced at his watch. Past eleven.
A few long minutes passed and he looked self-consciously down at his clothes. In his mind, he looked plain when compared to everyone around him. The other people seemed to shine and glitter as they floated around behind him like butterflies, whereas he was nothing more than a skinny, dusty moth. Glumly, he tucked a long strand of golden hair behind his ear and sipped again, trying to school his face back to blankness. If his face kept twisting in disgust each time he took a drink, then he would look even more young and naive and ridiculous.
He barely even knew what he was doing in a place like this. He had come hoping that he would find a job. Ever since he'd come to this city, he had felt lost, alone, defenseless. He was determined to get employed as quickly as possible and to get a place for himself---but at the moment, he was unemployed and living in a one-room apartment.
He was so desperate, in fact, that he'd walked into this club half hoping that he would find success in selling his body. It was not something he wanted to resort to, but he was coming close to starving, and soon, his apartment would be taken away from him.
Digging his slightly long nails into his palm, he closed his eyes briefly and downed the rest of his drink.
'Blegh...'
Suddenly he felt the presence of someone sitting down in the stool next to him.
"Are you waiting for someone?"
Shinya jumped a bit, flustered, and whirled around. Beside him was a young man, most likely a few years older than him. His glossy black hair shimmered an almost purplish color under the distant lights of the dance floor and the hazy lights over the bar, and his face was lean but handsome at the same time. His eyes were knowing and mysterious, heavy-lidded with long thick lashes, and his cheekbones were high. His suit was black, with a matching shirt and a black silk tie, and he had no drink.
Under the scrutiny of those eyes, Shinya looked away quickly, down at his empty glass. However, he snuck a few peaks through his curtain of dark blonde hair at the man next to him, who refused to look away.
Remembering to answer, he shook his head. "No."
"Really." The stranger, placing his hands on the bar, shifted a little closer, and a smile came over his face, making his cheekbones even more prominent. It almost made him look suspicious, or criminal. His voice was slightly deep. "I would expect that someone like you would have admirers waiting in line."
Shinya felt his heart speed up a bit, and had to wonder, was this him? Was this the man who would end up being his first customer? He looked wealthy---perhaps he would pay well. Wanting to make sure that things went as well as possible, Shinya straightened his back slightly and tried to smile, even though he didn't smile often. "And who are you?"
The stranger held out a hand, his smile turning more polite. "Niikura Kaoru desu. Yoroshiku onegai-shimasu."
"Yoroshiku," Shinya murmured, accepting the offered hand and giving it a light shake. He noticed idly that although Kaoru's grip was firmer than his, his hand was slender, and somewhat small. Strong, but small. "Terachi Shinya desu."
"Shinya." Kaoru nodded, eyeing him.
The way that Kaoru repeated this made a small shiver run up Shinya's spine. It was not one of timidity, or fear, or even pleasure. Hearing Kaoru pronounce his name simply unnerved him. However, Shinya tried his best to hide any surprise that may have appeared on his face, and looked down at his empty glass, observing the way that the tiny lingering beads of liquid gathered on the bottom.
Kaoru noticed this, and asked suddenly, "Would you like another drink?"
Is he trying to get me drunk, Shinya wondered? Shaking his head, he smiled again, weakly, and responded, "No, I probably shouldn't... I'll get drunk."
"Ah." Kaoru continued to survey him, perhaps hiding his amusement.
Shinya suddenly felt a bit embarrassed, and almost vulnerable. First of all, Kaoru's eyes were roving over him carefully and politely, but without hesitation, in a way that was intended not to make him uncomfortable... but which was succeeding a bit nonetheless in doing just that. The strangest thing was that although Shinya felt self-conscious under such scrutiny, he also felt curious, unsure of whether he WANTED Kaoru to request his company. What did Kaoru want with him? What would happen now?
Several long minutes passed, and Shinya's discomfort and restlessness increased. A new song was playing, and it was so loud that the pounding bass-line caused the floor to vibrate beneath him. The bartender had already come by to collect his empty glass and ask whether he wanted another drink, which he declined---and sitting there with no drink, next to another man who instead of ordering a drink merely seemed to prefer watching him, was rather pointless.
Finally, Shinya gathered up his courage, and took a soft breath. Turning slightly, gazing over into the face of the man beside him, he asked, "Would you like me to come home with you tonight?"
Kaoru's eyebrows arched up immediately. "Excuse me?"
A blush started to cross Shinya's cheeks and he mentally kicked himself, wishing that he knew how to do this better. He looked nothing like what a prostitute should look like, and he certainly didn't have enough experience to be one. Surely an older man like Kaoru would see through his pathetic facade.
"I... I said, would you like me to come home with you tonight?"
Kaoru watched him, almost aggressively. Shinya nearly shied away from his powerful gaze, reminded strangely of a prowling lion---those eyes made him want to melt into the floor and simply disappear. Already he was having second thoughts, and he had been the one to ask the question, not once but twice.
Kaoru laughed. However, it was a small, soft laugh, not intended to humiliate or degrade him. "I would like that very much. But..."
Shinya swallowed hard. Part of his shock came from the fact that Kaoru actually did want to take him up on his request. Although, there was a "but".
"...can we go to your place?"
Immediately Shinya's eyes flicked up, and he stared at Kaoru, through his hair. He wasn't sure what to say to that at all. He had been expecting that the man would decline, tell him that he was too young for him, too naive... maybe even too ugly. Shinya knew that he wasn't ugly, exactly, but he didn't consider himself attractive. Now, dumbfounded, he had to think for several long moments before nodding, wide-eyed.
Kaoru leaned his chin on his hand and continued to regard him sideways, however, without yet getting up. "May I ask you something?"
"Yes..."
"Why do you do this?"
"D-Do what?"
"I assumed you were offering me your bed for a reason... Wanting money?"
Shinya swallowed. "I... don't have a job," he said in such a quiet voice that instantly Kaoru leaned closer to hear him. He wasn't sure why he was confessing such things to someone who was virtually a complete stranger, but the words were coming out of him too easily. "I left home to come here, hoping that I would be able to support myself... although, since I'm not going to college, my only choice is to find someplace to work, but no one will hire me. I'm about to get thrown out of my apartment, and... I need money."
Kaoru was silent, his eyes scanning Shinya's face rapidly but discreetly. "You haven't done this before, have you?"
Shinya looked up quickly. "Done what?"
"Prostituted yourself."
"...No, I haven't. I just assumed that it would be easy."
"Ah," Kaoru simply said again, watching him.
A moment later, Shinya felt fingers coiling around his wrist, holding his hand lightly, and he looked over, flushing again. Kaoru was being delicate with him, but fortunately, not treating him like a child, as everyone else seemed to in this city. He was young, but he was an adult, at least. Kaoru was unwaveringly staring into his face, seeking out his eyes, and when Shinya turned his head, their gazes met.
"I'm going to take you home," Kaoru whispered.
Shinya only nodded.
Still holding Shinya's hand, Kaoru shifted off of his stool and stood up. To Shinya's surprise, he was of average height, perhaps only an inch or two taller than Shinya himself. Kaoru then leaned closer, so that his body brushed against Shinya's seated form, and his other hand held Shinya's chin. Shocked, Shinya almost pulled away, but stared up into the slender face with its half-closed eyes and tiny smile.
Kaoru leaned down so that his mouth was right next to Shinya's ear, and he spoke very, very softly, barely heard over the loud music and abrasive conversations. "You know, I've been watching you all night," he murmured, his finger stroking Shinya's hand lightly. "I want you..."
Shinya caught his breath, and closed his eyes.
At first, he was honestly not sure whether to be flattered or disdainful. He was hardly the type to accept such forward, brash behavior---someone coming up to him and telling him that they found him desirable. To him, it seemed rude, and he had never tolerated it before. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to refuse this time. He was astonished, and on top of that, he didn't know how to deal with this strange, tingling feeling coursing throughout his body.
Kaoru noticed his lack of a response, and pulled away. "Come with me."
Slowly, Shinya slid off of his stool and stood beside Kaoru, glancing up at him uncertainly. Without releasing Shinya's hand, Kaoru left the bar and led the younger man along, weaving through the people and avoiding the obviously-drunk dancing couple who almost knocked right into them. His heart racing, Shinya followed to the best of his ability, but came close to getting swallowed by the crowd several times. The lights flashed above, making the doorway approaching them seem dark and shadowed.
At last, they were outside. It was late at night, so that the only people who were wandering around seemed to be leaving or entering the club. The club itself was located in an alley, so the few couples that had come up for fresh air didn't have to worry about being seen, as they kissed each other fervently against the stone walls. Shinya gave them all a slightly disgusted glance as he wrapped his arms around himself in the slight chill, looking at the lights of the windows far above them, the street lamps, the moon in the cloudy sky gleaming down on them.
Just when Shinya was about to turn around and look for Kaoru, he felt something. Kaoru had come up behind him stealthily, and now, catching up with Shinya, he slid his right arm around Shinya's slender waist.
The fingers grazed his ribs, making Shinya jump, blinking in surprise. Kaoru drew him closer, and Shinya abruptly found himself pressed against Kaoru's chest, looking up into his face, barely able to struggle, even though he wasn't sure that he wanted to. Kaoru had moved his right leg so that it came up behind Shinya's left, trapping him.
To keep himself from falling, Shinya had pressed his hands against Kaoru's chest, and now he started to remove them, but stopped himself. He was supposed to act this way, he reminded himself. He had to be coy and attractive, if he wanted to get any money at the end of the night---even if he hated it. Or at least, that was what he'd been telling himself, supposing he was supposed to do. He stared up into Kaoru's large, serious eyes, as Kaoru's soft hair fell around his face, and as his lips parted slightly.
"Niimura-san..."
"No need for formalities," Kaoru reminded him very quietly, without moving.
Shinya absentmindedly felt Kaoru's right hand move down, so that his fingers slid beneath the fabric of Shinya's shirt. His palm rested on the flesh of Shinya's stomach, and after a moment his fingers began to apply slight pressure in tiny circles. At the same time, Kaoru's leg inched forward slightly to place even more of a restraint upon him.
"Now," Kaoru began softly, "I don't want to force you into anything. Are you sure that you want me to take you home?"
Shinya stared up at him silently, at a loss for words.
Kaoru leaned his head down towards Shinya's again, with the younger man's wide eyes on him the whole time. Kaoru's hair touched his cheek, and through hazy eyes, Shinya stared at the black strands, but then he glanced over and saw Kaoru's eyes half-closing. Shinya's breath caught in his throat as he felt Kaoru's tongue just grazing his face, traveling down his jawbone, as Kaoru pulled his body against his.
"Kaoru-san!"
After a moment, Kaoru stopped licking the flesh and pressed his lips against Shinya's chin. He paused to wait for protests, almost anxiously, or for Shinya to try to struggle or beg him to stop, but when none of these things happened, he proceeded. Without looking up, he said in Shinya's ear, "Think about it..."
Shinya remained standing there, frozen, unable to force his mind to work. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He had been involved with men---more accurately, one man, when he was in high school---but no one had behaved like THIS with him.
Kaoru reached up with his free hand and took Shinya's chin in his fingers again, his nails skimming across the skin lightly. He tilted Shinya's head the other way, leaving his neck exposed, and he leaned down to brush his mouth across it, just beneath Shinya's jaw. Shinya shivered a bit, and Kaoru slowed, feeling for the pulse of his breath. His right hand, meanwhile, continued to sneak around Shinya's waist.
Then, he leaned backwards again, releasing Shinya's chin, and gazed down at the delicate face through his eyelashes. Shinya's eyes, as a contrast, were very wide, and he was staring up at Kaoru in the shadows with a mixture of emotions. There was still shock restrained there, predominantly, but then there was a tiny touch of fear, combined with an equal amount of curiosity. He could be pushed in either direction.
"What do you want to do?" Kaoru asked, still speaking quietly as though to avoid being overheard, even though no one else in the alley was paying attention to them.
Shinya opened his mouth to speak, but no words came.
Kaoru gazed at him, and for a moment the mature seductiveness in his face faded away, replaced by silent contemplation, by wonder. He was being confronted with innocence, or with something as close to it as possible, and he couldn't do anything but revel in it. Soon enough, a small smile touched his lips and he nodded once, to words that hadn't been spoken, and tucked some hair behind his ear.
He slowly closed his eyes again, then leaned down, pressing his lips against Shinya's, hearing the surprised little murmur come out of the younger man when the contact was made. But Kaoru wouldn't allow him to pull back. He gradually drew him into a long, intense kiss, passionately and slowly, completely initiated by himself, because Shinya was too timid and startled to do any of it of his own will. Kaoru slid his tongue into Shinya's mouth, still kissing him, and just when Shinya was relaxing and succumbing, allowing it to become deeper, Kaoru pulled away.
Kaoru felt Shinya's heart beating against his chest rapidly. "Tell me what you want. Should I drive you home?"
The implied meaning was very clear. Shinya absorbed it, looking down for only a moment, trying to get ahold of himself. When he looked up again, he was blushing slightly, and more shyly than he would usually act, he nodded once. He could feel his lipstick smudged off of his lips slightly.
Carefully, Kaoru disentangled himself from Shinya, withdrawing his hand from his shirt, his arm from his waist, and his leg from Shinya's leg. He hadn't realized that Shinya had been leaning completely on him, and now when he pulled away, Shinya nearly lost his balance and had to grab onto his arm to keep from falling.
"Gomen." Kaoru placed his arm around Shinya's shoulders. "Daijoubu desu ka?"
"D-Daijoubu," Shinya whispered, nodding.
With one arm holding Shinya against him still, but more gently, he put his other hand in his suit pocket and began to walk out of the shadows, towards the exit of the dark alley, leaving the couples of the club behind them. Hesitantly, Shinya glanced over his shoulder, half-wondering whether it would be better to stay at the club than to allow Kaoru to take him home. He felt somehow possessed by this feeling, as though Kaoru already owned him, and the frightening part was that he wasn't sure he didn't like it.
"Kaoru-san," he began.
"Don't ask questions," Kaoru interrupted gently, shaking his head. Looking up at him, Shinya realized that he wasn't being rude or snappy, saying such a thing---there was a small look in the older man's eyes, almost pleading, gentle nonetheless. Shinya began to wonder also whether Kaoru had some reason to regret this, some reason to distract his own thoughts from what would happen.
As they came out onto the main sidewalk, the two of them paused, as Kaoru looked down at Shinya again with more illumination outlining them. "Unless," he said, "you've changed your mind, and you want this to end here. If that's it, then you have to tell me, right now. Because if I let you get in my car, and if you let me drive you home, then I won't be able to change my mind after that."
The tone of Kaoru's voice was serious as he spoke these words, with no smile on his face this time, and Shinya gazed up at him, his mind racing.
He felt slightly dizzy. He knew what would happen if he let Kaoru drive him home---he had been counting on it, after all, and that was why he'd gone to the club in the first place: to look for someone like Kaoru. But he almost felt nervous about the events that would occur. He wanted it, which he hadn't expected, and if he couldn't let himself give in to Kaoru, then when would he find the courage to do it? He needed money. He needed to survive.
Clearing his throat quietly, Shinya shook his head. "No..." That was all he could say at first.
Kaoru blinked slowly at him, but there was no surprise in his eyes as he shifted to the side and put some distance between Shinya and himself.
Shinya's eyes widened. Fearing that this chance would escape him, he quickly said, "No, I didn't mean NO. I meant that I don't want this to end here."
Kaoru smiled. "Don't worry," he said easily, sliding his arm around Shinya's narrow shoulders again. "I know what you meant."
Shinya stared up at him, and couldn�t help but wonder whether he�d gotten in way over his head�
---to be continued---
Notes: Sorry to end it so abruptly, ne? ^^; Please send me comments if you would like to see more! Then I'll know I have a reason for continuing it.
To be continued
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