Ma Cherie: Chapter Thirteen
Author: Scarlet Kozi
"Oi, Klaha."
Klaha blinked and looked up from where he was sitting at lunch, on the usual hill. Közi was standing there, several paces behind him. The other boy's uniform jacket, tailored around his slim form, was slightly unbuttoned, giving him a more casual look, and his dark hair was a bit unkempt, but otherwise, he looked normal. His usual amount of dark makeup masked his face, but his slight smile as he looked down at Klaha was atypical.
Klaha couldn't explain why he almost felt uneasy to see that smile. He usually did, of course. Közi always unnerved him. "Hai?"
Közi gestured. "Come on. I want to talk to you."
Klaha swallowed. He was unsure if he should take Közi up on his offer. After all, only about three nights ago, he and Gackt had had sex for the first time, and ever since then, they had been acting even more close and intimate with each other than before. They belonged to each other now. Knowing that Közi wanted him made Klaha feel as though even speaking to the other boy was like betraying Gackt, even though he knew that wasn't true.
After a moment's contemplation, Klaha glanced at his friends, who were sitting with him on the grass. Toshi was giving him a secretive little grin, having encouraged Klaha to take Közi up on his offers in the past, whereas Daisuke was merely watching him, eyebrows raised, a little smile on his face.
Sighing to himself, Klaha nodded and rose to his feet. He brushed off his uniform and glanced over his shoulder at his friends. "Ja!"
"Ja ne, Klaha!" They both waved.
Klaha walked away from them and joined Közi, and the two walked.
Since Közi seemed to know where he was going and Klaha didn't, the latter followed the former almost a bit hesitantly. He cast glances at Közi every now and again, wondering what was on Közi's mind, for it was rare that Közi approached him this straightforwardly. Usually the other boy would stare at him, smile at him, or engage him in a suggestive conversation only when they were already near each other. As though it was just circumstances that allowed them to be together.
Now, there seemed to be a strange expression on Közi's face, as Klaha watched him in profile. There was a hidden unrest behind his eyes, in the slightly turned-down corners of his lips, even though he was carefully keeping himself under control. The smile had slipped away, revealing this, but Klaha could tell that something was on his mind.
They walked around the outside of the school, to the back, where there were few people around. Közi leaned his back against the brick wall and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it.
Klaha watched him. Smoking wasn't allowed. It wasn't to say that Klaha didn't smoke at all, for sometimes he'd accept cigarettes from his friends, or would steal some from his parents, but he never smoked at school. Közi, on the other hand, seemed to have no respect for school rules whatsoever. He brought the lit cigarette to his lips and almost pensively inhaled.
Klaha stood there, his hands in his pockets, studying him. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
Közi paused, then exhaled. A long cloud of smoke streamed from his nose and mouth, as his eyes rested on Klaha. Klaha almost shivered. In the past, even though he smoked himself sometimes, he had to admit that the image of smoke coming out of a person was disgusting---but when it curled around in little tendrils from Közi's nostrils, it looked graceful. Almost sexy. Klaha yelled at himself silently for thinking such thoughts.
Közi almost smiled a little bit, studying Klaha. "You know that I want you," he only said.
Klaha halted. He swallowed, avoiding Közi's eyes. "... Hai."
"How?"
Almost dryly, Klaha responded, "It's pretty hard not to be able to tell."
Közi laughed once, then took another drag from his cigarette. "That's true. I suppose I'm not exactly the reserved type, am I?"
Klaha shrugged, and then said, "Well, what ... what's this about, then?"
Közi's eyes scanned along the wide terrain behind the school, at last settling on Klaha. They became tender. For a change, they were not predatory and menacing, they were not lustful or hungry. They were soft and almost caring, and Klaha was startled to see that in his expression. Közi blew the smoke away from Klaha's face this time, as he looked at him. "I just want you to know that I'm here, if you ever decide that you want me," he said softly.
Klaha blinked, shocked. "Nani?"
"That's all." He shook his head, and tapped ashes from the end of his cigarette.
Klaha stared at him, not sure about this. In the past, he had never thought of Közi's pursuit to be anything emotional. It had always seemed like Közi lusted after him and that was all. Maybe that was still true. But Klaha had never seen that kind of expression in Közi's eyes before.
"What ... What brought this up?" Klaha managed.
Közi glanced at him again. Then, suddenly, he had shifted his cigarette to the fingers of his other hand, and while he brought it to his mouth to inhale from, his now-empty hand was upon Klaha's face. His fingers were beneath Klaha's chin, tilting the other boy's head away from him, and Klaha, startled, allowed this to occur. Then he felt Közi's fingers tracing over something upon his throat, and he swallowed, knowing the reason.
He had seen it there in the mirror, not too long after it had been left there. Gackt's lips had left a kiss-mark on his throat, and Klaha had been hoping that no one at school had noticed over the past two days or so. But clearly, Közi had. It was no consolation to know that Gackt had at least one similar kiss-mark on his own throat, from Klaha.
Klaha flushed slightly. Közi's hand drifted away from his face, and so, he looked at Közi again. Közi was studying him, exhaling more smoke.
"I know it's there," Klaha said quietly, shaking his head. "I didn't think anyone would notice."
"I noticed."
"I know." Klaha looked up at Közi again, silently and uncertainly wondering things that he was too timid to ask. He wanted to know whether Közi was hurt to see the kiss-mark on his neck. After all, he'd never thought that Közi actually cared about him before, but now, Közi seemed to be implying this. Perhaps he felt betrayed, almost jealous, to see that Klaha had obviously been with someone else.
A slight smile touched the corners of Közi's lips. He shook his head. "Don't worry, I'm not upset. Not too much, anyway. I just want to make sure that you know what you're getting into."
"What do you mean?"
"I know who gave that to you." Közi gestured simply.
Klaha blinked, several times. "You know? But ... how?"
Közi shook his head, both exasperated with Klaha and fond of him. "You brought him to school, baka," he reminded the other boy, poising the cigarette between two fingers of his left hand. "Remember? I talked to him. I already knew who he is." When Klaha's eyes changed, Közi nodded. "I could see your curiosity. You were wondering HOW I knew him, ne?"
"Hai." Klaha looked at Közi almost suspiciously now. "So are you finally going to tell me?"
Közi nodded and sighed, resignedly. "I suppose I should. After all, the whole reason for this discussion is that I want to warn you."
Klaha paused. "W-Warn me?"
"Hai."
"I don't understand."
Közi saw his expression and now tossed the finished cigarette down onto the pavement. He ground it into little shreds of paper and ashes with his heel, and leaned back against the brick again, turning his head in Klaha's direction. "I met him a couple of months ago. Only once, though." He paused, wondering how to phrase this. "It's hard to explain in a way that won't make you think I'm a slut, or a shit."
Klaha was surprised. "Nani?"
Közi smiled wryly. "Never mind. You probably already do."
A slight flush came over Klaha's face, and he remained silent.
Deciding that silence was better than an insult, Közi chose to proceed. "First of all, let's get one thing straight. You know what kind of person I am, Klaha. You know that I'm a lot more ... worldly than you are," choosing his words carefully, "and that I'm much more experienced than you."
Klaha swallowed. "Hai ..."
"I've had sex with lots of people, you know."
"H-Hai ..."
Közi paused again. "About two or three months ago, I went downtown with a group of my friends. One of the worse parts of town, I suppose, with drug dealers and whores and people you probably know very little about. It was late at night, and I wanted to have some fun, so I crashed a party at a bar with some of my friends. They didn't ask my age, so I didn't tell them. Well, I had a few drinks, with my friends, and got a little drunk, and, to be frank with you, I wanted to get laid."
Klaha inwardly sighed at Közi's honesty.
"So I went back outside onto the street." Közi halted again. "Normally, I'm not desperate enough to go for prostitutes, Klaha. You can probably tell that about me. I may not be the most popular person in school, around people like this, but it's rare that I would have to PAY to get a person to have sex with me, ne? No matter how unconventional or mysterious people see me as. I'm not interested in anyone here, except for maybe you."
For a moment Klaha became uncomfortable at this statement, but was getting used to Közi's obvious affection for him, so just nodded slightly. But then he realized the implication of Közi's earlier statements. "Normally I'm not desperate enough to go for prostitutes," Közi had said. How did prostitutes tie into this?
Unless ...
Közi saw the change in Klaha's expression. He kept talking.
"Like I said, I went back outside. Standing out there on the sidewalk was a young guy in a kimono. He was probably even as young as me, I assumed. He had brown hair, looked kind of sad, but really cute. I was drunk as hell, I didn't care, so I went up to him and made a few passes at him." He thought back. "He seemed like he didn't want to trust me, but he tried to tell me what he would cost me, and I realized he was a whore. I didn't really care, though---I had enough money to afford him, and by now I wanted him too much to pass him up, so I agreed to pay him. We went back to his place, and, once again to be perfectly honest, I fucked him."
Klaha was staring at Közi now, utterly motionless.
Közi regarded Klaha in return at last, observing him carefully. "I'm sure you can tell where this is going," he said softly.
Klaha couldn't speak a word.
Közi let out a small sigh. "I remember his name, too. Gackt. When I saw that you'd brought him to school, I had no idea what to think. I didn't know where you'd found him or what he was doing here, but I remembered our experience a little while ago, however brief it was. That was why I spoke to him like I did." He smirked slightly. "I couldn't exactly help it, you realize. Our 'experience' a couple of months ago WAS a good one." Remembering Klaha, he glanced back at him.
"The reason that I brought you back here to talk to you was to tell you that I know what happened. I know that he fucked you. I can tell. And I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of his ... occupation, that you knew what you're getting into."
Klaha's brows furrowed very slightly, and his lips parted.
To explain, Közi went on, "I can tell that you care about him. But you have to remember what he is."
Klaha said nothing, confused, stunned.
"He's a whore. How many people do you think he's said no to, Klaha?"
As though slapped, Klaha flinched slightly and stared at Közi again, in disbelief. The light, almost hinting tone in Közi's voice was not lost on him. Immediately the implications sank into Klaha's mind like poison. Közi meant to tell him that, as a whore, Gackt could never be completely trusted. As a whore, after all, Gackt had had sex with so many people. How could Klaha be sure that Gackt was serious about HIM, when the same touches, caresses, and kisses had happened between him and a thousand others? How could Klaha be sure that Gackt wouldn't leave him, when at heart, he was nothing more than a prostitute?
Közi's story to Klaha, about meeting Gackt, had been the truth. Közi was not about to lie to Klaha. But he wasn't about to let Klaha fall in love with Gackt and trust him when Közi wanted him so badly, either. Közi hated the idea of Gackt's slutty fingers on Klaha. The thoughts were hypocritical, but there nonetheless.
Klaha, meanwhile, was in shock. Gackt ... had had sex with Közi ...
Of all people! With KÖZI!
Klaha felt his heart fill with ice, as he stared at Közi, just as his eyes filled with tears. They weren't yet angry tears, only lost ones, confused ones, broken ones. He couldn't believe it. After what had just happened between him and Gackt, to find out that Gackt had allowed Közi to take him ...
Közi saw his expression and shook his head almost pitifully. "Klaha ..."
Klaha turned his face away from him stubbornly, however, biting his lip hard.
Közi heaved a sigh and shifted closer. They were quiet like that for a moment. There were still about five minutes until lunch period ended and they would have to get back to their respective classes. But Klaha didn't want to think about that. His only thoughts were of Gackt, of Közi, trying to picture the two of them together and failing. It broke his heart to try to imagine, anyway. But Klaha had to know about this. For his own good. Suddenly, he turned to Közi, unable to restrain his anguished tears. "Tell me," he demanded.
Közi blinked, watching him. "Tell you what?"
"Tell me everything he did to you. Everything you did to him." Klaha barely managed to get out the words. "Tell me everything that happened between you two, even if it was just once."
Közi seemed hesitant to say any of this. His plan was to drive Klaha and Gackt apart, for he didn't have to conjure any lies for that. Even now, if he told Klaha about what had happened, he wouldn't be telling lies, only reciting the truth. But even he wasn't certain whether he could inflict this kind of pain on the person he lusted after. However, the look in Klaha's eyes was too insistent to be dominated, so Közi relented. "If you're sure ..."
"I am. Onegai."
Közi began, trying to remember, since he HAD been a little drunk at the time, "He brought me back to his apaato. It was a really messy place. Ano ... He asked me my name, so I gave it to him. He seemed surprised, but the moment I told him, he just kissed me. Hard. Let me kiss him, too, probably because he knew that I was going to pay him. He took off his clothes, and let me kiss his body." Közi furrowed his brows for a moment. "Then he took off MY clothes, and he blew me."
He didn't look at Klaha yet, not sure what he would find in the other boy's face, so he continued, "When that was over, he got down on the bed and told me to follow him. So I did, and he started kissing me again. Ano ... I was drunk, so give me a minute ..." He tapped his cheek with his finger. "A lot of oral stuff, I suppose. He was good with his mouth. If you REALLY want the details, I'll just tell you that his tongue was in a lot of places, from my head to toe." Though the memories of pleasure were fond, he was certain that Klaha wouldn't share his sentiments. "Then, he let me fuck him. It lasted a long time, I'm not sure how long ..."
Klaha's soft voice distracted him suddenly. "Did he enjoy it?"
Közi blinked. "Nani?"
Klaha could barely speak. Each syllable was strained and choked with tears. "Did he enjoy it?"
"You mean, did he orgasm?" Közi asked mercilessly, without meaning to be so forward. He just spoke his mind, said what he meant, even though others tended to react in shock when he did so. He didn't notice the violent shudder that overtook Klaha's body, for he was thinking, trying to remember. "Hai. He did, actually. He was vocal about it, too. I could tell that he wasn't faking it, like a lot of whores do." He probably hadn't WANTED to get any pleasure out of it, but he had, Közi thought to himself as an afterthought.
"And when it was over, I passed out. He was still there next to me when I woke up." Közi didn't realize how much this last statement would affect Klaha later on. "It was around four in the morning, and I had to get home, so I paid him and left. I never really expected to see him again, until you brought him to school."
Közi finished his explanation, and glanced in Klaha's direction. Klaha was in bad shape, it seemed. His eyes were shut tightly, but were unable to block the moisture that was beading up behind his eyelids, forming droplets on his eyelashes. A tear had even streamed down his face. The look on his face was one of pain, of grief, and his shoulders were hunched slightly, his head bowed, as his shoulders shook a little. He was trying to restrain his anguish.
Közi observed him. He got a little thrill out of seeing Klaha so weak, but for the moment, his curiosity was more powerful than that, wondering what would happen now. "Klaha ..."
"I ... I have to go ..."
[Half an hour later]
Klaha couldn't force himself to go to any more classes that day. Learning of what had happened between Gackt and Közi was enough to shatter his composure for the time being.
Something in him should have realized that he was overreacting. Something should have reminded him of how much Gackt had hated being a whore, how miserable his life had been, and how much Klaha knew it. Gackt had told him almost everything, so shouldn't Klaha have realized that of course Gackt wouldn't have meant to betray him with Közi? After Klaha and Gackt had become friends, Klaha had known every single day that Gackt was out having sex with other people. Every day. Hundreds of them, when all added together over the years.
But it still hurt.
It hurt painfully. It was Közi, after all, that Gackt had slept with, and probably only hours after seeing Klaha, too!
Klaha knew why it hurt, even though his thoughts were blurry. Since he and Gackt had become friends, he'd told Gackt almost everything there was to know about himself. He told Gackt about the few other friends he had, about his brother and sister, and even about people like Közi, though Közi was the only person like Közi. The only person who pursued him relentlessly, who made Klaha feel chills even though Klaha wasn't sure whether he wanted him.
Gackt had KNOWN. He'd known who Közi was when he'd had sex with him, when he'd let Közi pay him. If Gackt had cared about Klaha at all, wouldn't he have told Közi no? There were so many other potential customers in the world that SURELY Gackt could have said no this one time ... Közi's description of what had happened between the two of them ripped Klaha's heart open.
Gackt had done all the same things to Közi that he had done to Klaha. Everything that had happened the other night that Klaha had thought was so special had turned out to be nothing more than just another of Gackt's business transactions. After all, how special could it have been for Gackt if it had happened so many times before---one of those times with Közi, of all people? It was true that Gackt had allowed Közi to be the dominant one, as opposed to the other way around, but the act of sex was the same thing. Gackt had even enjoyed it, apparently. What if he enjoyed being in Közi's arms ... more than Klaha's?
Tears bit at Klaha's eyes as he ran home. He actually ran, down the road, over the bridge, down his street, even though he shouldn't have gotten home for another couple of hours. He ran blindly, thinking only of Gackt and Közi and sex and Gackt and the other night and his virginity and Gackt and Közi and money and prostitution and meaninglessness ...
Klaha had woken up with Gackt in his arms the other day. That had meant so much to him. It had seemed to mean a lot to Gackt, too.
And yet ... Gackt and Közi had woken up in each others' arms ...
Klaha punched in the code at his gate and flung it carelessly shut behind him, barely hearing the loud clank as the gate bounced against the bars. It fell shut of its own accord after wavering, but Klaha had already started to stagger up the path unseeingly, wiping at his eyes, trying to restrain his tears, frustrated at himself. He yanked the screen door open and went inside, barely remembering to kick off his shoes before he continued down the hallway towards the stairs.
He stumbled on his way up, and hit his knee against a step, but only cursed under his breath at the pain and continued. The pain that was raging inside his heart was far worse. Klaha tried not to start crying as he made his way onto the second floor and wobbled down the upstairs hallway.
He stopped in front of the door to his own room, which was mostly shut. Ever since he and Gackt had had sex, two or three days ago, Gackt had slept in his room now.
Klaha pushed the door open and practically fell inside, catching his balance at the last minute, standing just inside the room. His eyes searched around and found Gackt, who was sitting at Klaha's desk, casually poised reading a book. When Klaha burst in, Gackt jumped and looked up at him. "K-Klaha?"
Klaha didn't respond.
Gackt blinked and began to push his chair back. "Why are you here so early?" he asked. He clearly didn't know that Klaha was aware of what had happened a couple of months ago. Gackt seemed to wonder if something bad had happened, for Klaha to have come home early, and his brows furrowed, as he almost started to stand up. "Is something wrong?"
But Klaha stopped him, his mere presence keeping Gackt seated in the chair. He walked forward a few steps, sniffling violently, reaching up and wiping his eyes.
Gackt suddenly saw his tears. "Klaha," he whispered, affected. "What ... What is it?"
"Explain it to me," Klaha demanded, swallowing hard.
"Explain? Explain what?"
"How you could let Közi fuck you and then ... and then fuck me."
Gackt's eyes changed first. They filled with fear, and then, slowly, that drained out of them to be cold surprise and pain. He froze up, filling with an icy sensation to think that his secret had been revealed. Gackt would have told Klaha about anyone else, any of his other hundreds of customers over the years, except for Közi, who he knew Klaha was familiar with. And now, Klaha knew. Gackt said quietly, "How ... How do you know about that?"
Klaha's eyes were full of his apparent distress and heartache, and even anger, as he looked down at Gackt, almost glared at him. Strands of hair had fallen in front of them, loosening in his rush to get home, but he didn't heed them now. "Közi told me. He told me himself."
"He ..."
"He told me what you did to him. He told me that you let him have sex with you, that you blew him, and how good you are with your mouth." The words tasted horrible in Klaha's mouth and he hated saying them. He wasn't saying them to be hurtful or cruel, but they sounded that way, even as they stabbed him, as well as Gackt, like knives. "He said that you enjoyed it just as much as he did. He ... He even woke up in your arms."
Gackt's face changed suddenly, and he seemed to weaken. Tears filled his eyes. "Klaha ..."
Klaha bit his lip hard to avoid crying or saying anything else, and tried to look away. "I can't believe you did that," he retorted softly, his voice full of his suffering.
Slowly, Gackt stood up. He rose to his feet silently, on unsteady legs, and gazed over at Klaha. He was close to crying himself now, though he was just barely keeping himself from it. One tear had escaped and spilled down his cheek, as he half-closed his eyes and looked dully away from Klaha. He almost wilted with shame and sorrow, even as he tried to keep himself expressionless. He hadn't wanted Klaha to know about it. He hadn't wanted to make Klaha think that he would ever betray him. "Klaha, I'm a whore," he whispered bitterly. "I do that for a living. You know that I ... that I would never have done it if ..."
Klaha swallowed. "You're not a whore anymore! And ... And Közi?" he burst out. "How---Why did it have to be HIM?"
"I couldn't help it, Klaha! I needed the money ... I didn't think you'd find out ..."
"You let him fuck you, Gackt," Klaha sniffled out, desperate. "You let him PAY you for it. You took him back to your apaato and you GAVE yourself to him, and the next day you probably came back out onto the street during lunchtime and spent another hour talking with ME, as usual. Without saying a word. W-Without batting an eye."
"I---"
"You knew who he was!" Klaha wiped his fingers across his eyes shakily again, trying to brush away his tears even though more kept coming. He actually was glaring at Gackt now, brokenly, through the film of moisture over his eyes. "You knew! I told you everything about him, everything about how he'd been chasing me, about how I wasn't sure whether I wanted to let him have me or not, and you fucked him! You let me think that you were my friend, and you fucked him, and you let him pay you for it! And then, a couple of months later, you went and you fucked ME---you let me tell you that I loved you, and you told me that you loved me!"
Gackt's shoulders were trembling uncontrollably now. He tried to look cold as though none of this was hurting him, but at last he couldn't help it and buried his face in his hands. His voice was more emotional than usual, for he couldn't mask his feelings now. "Don't you understand?" he said, softly but violently. "I ... I didn't mean to do it! I never meant to. I needed the money, Klaha!"
"I thought you were going to be faithful to me!" Klaha could only say now, angry, out of control. "Even back then, Gackt, even in the first month that I knew you, back in the fall, I knew---I KNEW---that I was in love with you! Didn't you ever see that?" He swallowed hard after saying the words, for he hadn't told Gackt that before. "I probably even knew it from the moment I first saw you, and I spent all these months trying to figure out how to tell you the way I felt. Why didn't you ever see it, that I loved you? You should have known that I cared. But you slept with KÖZI, of---of all ..."
He couldn't say anything more for a moment, for he was shaking. "I thought that you were going to put all of that behind you," he managed. "All of it. I thought that you were going to change."
Gackt became completely still and silent. Slowly, he lowered his hands and stared at Klaha with red, tear-filled eyes.
Klaha couldn't bear to look at him anymore. He loved him, and yet he couldn't even think straight, due to his pain from finding out what had happened. Therefore, choking back a sob of his own, casting one last look back at Gackt, he turned around and stalked out the door, slamming it after him.
[The next day]
It didn't take long for Klaha to have moved out of his own room. He took a few little belongings with him and went downstairs to sleep on the couch for the next couple of days. He said nothing to Gackt as he did this, and Gackt said nothing to him. The tension was exceedingly thick. Neither of them could even make eye contact with the other.
They didn't really have to. So long as Klaha was living downstairs and Gackt was living upstairs, they rarely had to come into contact with each other. It was a large house.
Every day as usual, Klaha woke up, took a shower, ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, dressed himself, and was out the door, not necessarily in that order. He would head silently for school without saying goodbye or calling up the stairs, and only the sound of the door shutting would alert Gackt of the fact that he'd left. Klaha would spend his entire day at school, and then in the afternoon he would come home, change his clothes, loaf around the downstairs, do his homework, fix himself dinner, and go to sleep on the couch.
Meanwhile, Gackt was having a harder time. This was not his home, and he didn't know what to do. But he tried his best. He stayed in Klaha's room almost twenty-four hours a day, reading or writing or watching programs on Klaha's television. As long as Klaha was home, there wasn't much else to do. Once he knew that Klaha had left, Gackt could roam around the house and even the property without worrying that he'd come into contact with him. Gackt only fixed himself food when Klaha was not home, and he only let himself shower or change his clothes when he knew that Klaha wouldn't be there.
When the two passed each other in the house, which was rare, it was a strange situation. Sometimes they would brush against each other accidentally and their eyes would meet. Either Klaha's gaze would fill with hidden anger or hurt, or Gackt's would fill with pain and shame, and they would quickly keep moving without a word.
Or, in the last two days or so, they would look at each other almost with embarrassment, as though to ask, 'Why are we being so stupid and not talking to each other?' but would still keep moving to avoid saying anything.
Then Klaha's parents arrived home. One afternoon, they returned from Yokohama, curious to know how things had gone with Gackt there.
They were still suspicious of Gackt, still considering him to be beneath them since he was less wealthy. They looked down upon him as though he was a common thief or a criminal, and when they met Klaha downstairs after walking in the door, they instantly asked Klaha whether anything had happened. Klaha was muted when he told them that nothing at all had gone awry. Gackt continued to stay upstairs, and Klaha's parents made sure to avoid the second floor at any cost, which was all right because Gackt avoided the first floor in much the same manner. The two parties didn't have to come into contact at all. But both Klaha and Gackt were in pain.
Gackt blamed himself, mostly.
'He thinks that I've betrayed him,' Gackt could only think to himself every night, now beyond tears. 'Why did I do it? I needed the money. I know I shouldn't have, because I DID know who Közi was, and even right before it happened I was going to tell myself to stop ... But I did it anyway. I shouldn't have. Damn it ... Now he hates me ... He practically came right out and called me a whore. Does he know that his words hurt me so much? He didn't say it outright, but what he WANTED to say was that I'm still a whore, and that I'm acting like it. I know it. I AM a whore. When I was born I was meant to be one, thanks to my mother, and no matter what changes, I'll always be a whore ... without Klaha ... Doesn't he see that I can't change who I am for him? I can't erase the past ...!'
Klaha was still angry with Gackt, but also at himself.
'I shouldn't have said that,' he would tell himself in frustration past midnight, on the couch. 'I shouldn't have talked to him like that! There's probably more about the whole story that I need to know. I should have tried to hear him out ... but what is there to hear out? He ... He cheated on me. I know that he could tell that I cared about him even back before we had sex. Before we even kissed. He knew that I loved him. He should have known not to hurt me by sleeping with---with Közi. Why did he do it? Why? Was money THAT important to him? I know he hated being a whore, but does the fact that he was willing to break my heart, just for some money, mean that he'll always be that way ... even if he loves me ...?'
Meanwhile at school, Közi knew that Klaha and Gackt were experiencing problems, and he was at least happy that his plan was working. He tried to make advances on the now-vulnerable Klaha again, even though Klaha just couldn't bring himself to take Közi up on his offers.
NOTES~Obstacles so quickly into the relationship. Hmm, where will it go from here ...? Comments, please.
Glossary
oi: hey
hai: yes
ja (ne): see you, bye
nani: what
To Be Continued
To the next part