Title: Take This Heart
Author: Psy ([email protected])
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: Kaoru & Toshiya
Comments: It would appear that Die returns in this story as the shoulder to cry on, this time for Kaoru. Ain't he a swell guy?! *grin* I guess you might say that Die is the "matchmaking fairy" of my stories, just as Toshiya was in Loreley's "Ex-Fide".
On a personal note to Loreley: I was sad to see your stories taken down especially since I hadn't gotten the chance to read them all. Those that I did read, I enjoyed immensely! I hope that some day you'll let Sakura-chan put them back up or perhaps write something new. Either way, I wish you all the best and I'm sure that I speak for all your fans when I say your fics will be missed.
Take This Heart
by Psy
Part 3
Die took Kaoru to the best club in the city though the elder guitarist had insisted that, if he was to hang out with Die that night, he just wanted to go to a little bar. The redhead had only grinned winningly and shrugged off any and all protests. Kaoru groaned inwardly. He didn't want to go out only to end up spending the night alone watching Die hit on every pretty girl in a short skirt. And he told him so.
"Pfft," Die scoffed. "Don't be stupid, Kaoru! We've been having one helluva hectic tour and you seem a little out of it lately. I guess it's hittin' you pretty hard. I wanted you to come out with me so that you could have a good time, take your mind off it all. I promise I won't abandon you for the shortest of skirts or prettiest of faces."
Die grinned again and Kaoru couldn't help but return it with one of his own. He had to admit, as they sat in a corner booth at the club, beers in hand, that he was having a pretty good time. It had been a long time since he'd hung out with just Die. They had sat for the last hour drinking and talking and laughing at various random people in the club. A few people had recognized them and asked for autographs. They had smilingly obliged and promised to wave to them at their concert the next day.
"We won't be able to see them and they think we're gonna wave to them!" Die burst out laughing as a trio of starry-eyed girls wandered away from the table. "Second floor, sixth row! Are they cracked?"
"We'll wave anyway," Kaoru sat back and grinned. "Let them think we know exactly where they are and that the wave is for them alone. It makes them happy."
Die nodded. "Yeah. Happy fans are loyal fans after all, right?"
Kaoru murmured his agreement, but his gaze was focused on a slender figure at the bar. Tall, willowy, bow-shaped lips, dark eyes, and a short cap of dusty blonde hair with a shock of the silken tresses falling across the right eye. Another cosplayer amidst the sea of Dir en grey cosplayers there that night, all of them getting hyped up for the concert the following day. There were plenty of Toshiya cosplayers there, but this one...She was the only one dressed as Toshiya appeared today and she was stunning. Almost a perfect match. Die followed his fellow guitarist's line of vision and saw the girl. His eyes flicked back and forth between her and Kaoru until a thought popped into his head.
"She's pretty hot," Die spoke slowly and chose his words deliberately and if Kaoru hadn't been so distracted he would have noticed that the younger man was manipulating him down a specific path of conversation.
"Mmm...yeah..." The words were barely audible and Die had to strain over the noise of the club.
"Never saw anyone cosplay Toshiya's current incarnation before," he continued. "Very convincing, don't you think?"
Kaoru nodded. "I'll say."
Taking a sip of beer, Die leaned forward putting his elbows on the table and keeping his eyes on Kaoru's face. "You might even say she looks better than the original."
"Better than the original?" Kaoru's eyes nearly popped out of his head and his voice was thick with disbelief. "Are you insane? No one, male or female, is more beautiful than Toshiya! He's a one of a kind. No one else has that mix of innocence and playfulness, elegance and sensuousness. No one..." he trailed off as a smug look came over Die's face. "You set me up, Daisuke."
"Yep." Die grinned and lit a cigarette.
With a defeated sigh Kaoru ran a hand through his hair. "Okay. Okay, so maybe I have a thing for Toshiya."
"A thing?!" The redhead laughed, choking on the smoke he'd just inhaled. "A thing? That's like you saying hide was just some guitarist!"
In spite of himself, Kaoru laughed. "Okay. Fine. So maybe it's more than a thing."
"How much more?"
"A lot more," Kaoru confessed. "I am hopelessly in love that crazy, long-legged flirt." God, he thought, it feels so good to get that out; to tell someone.
Die sat back and nodded. "I'd figured as much. Well, for the last five minutes or so, at least." He grinned again. "Have you told him? No, wait. Don't answer that. You obviously haven't. The question is why not? He's always hanging all over you, flirting and whatnot."
"Yeah," Kaoru agreed. "But that's a reflex with him. Toshiya flirts with anyone that has a pulse and a libido. How am I supposed to know whether or not to take him seriously?"
"Duh, you ask him!" The younger guitarist shook his head and leaned forward once more to look Kaoru in the eyes, his grin gone and a rare serious gleam in his own eyes. "What's it gonna hurt?"
It could hurt plenty, the older man inwardly groaned. Specifically my ego, my pride...my heart. He sighed. "I don't know. I guess...I guess I just don't want to make him feel uncomfortable if he doesn't feel the same way."
"An uncomfortable Toshiya is a very rare thing, Kaoru." Die reminded him, a hint of that grin returning for a brief second. "Look, you know how you feel, right? So, you're one step ahead of where Kyo was when we had a similar talk not too long ago. Now that I think about it, it's kinda flip-flopped. He knew how Shinya felt, but wasn't sure of his own feelings. You know what you feel for Toshiya, but aren't sure about how he feels. And you know something? This is gonna do nothing but eat you up inside until you tell him and find how he feels. If he doesn't share your feelings..." Die paused, took a drag off his cigarette, and shrugged. "Well, you're both adults and good friends and I'm sure you guys could find a way to get on with both your lives and your friendship."
Kaoru stared dumb-founded at him. He'd honestly never known Die could be serious like that. Especially in the area of love. But everything he'd said made sense. It only reinforced his resolve to have that talk with Toshiya. He'd almost decided during the course of his night out with Die to just forget saying anything, but now...
Die finished off his beer and yawned. "Well, the Love Doctor is off duty for the night. You ready to head back? Big day tomorrow, you know."
Nodding absently, Kaoru slid out of the booth and followed Die out of the club. They caught a cab back to the hotel. He'd only half heard Die rambling about some new chords he wanted to try for some song (he didn't catch which one Die'd said) at the next day's concert. His mind was completely focused on Toshiya. More specifically, on what exactly he would say to the bassist. Kaoru had decided that how he worded things would make all the difference in the world. Eventually, Die realized that his audience of one wasn't listening and, chuckling a bit, he stopped talking and left Kaoru alone with his thoughts.
~*~
Back at his hotel room, mere feet away from Toshiya, whom he assumed was peacefully slumbering, Kaoru tried to concentrate on the itinerary for the following day. He knew the damn thing by heart, but it was a nervous habit to rehash every little detail. Usually it helped clear his mind of distractions, but there was one distraction that would never be pushed aside once it had implanted itself in his head.
Toshiya.
The clock on the wall told him it was well after two in the morning. Any normal, sane person would be asleep by now. It gave Kaoru hope that Toshiya, being neither normal nor completely sane, might still be awake. And maybe if he got this over and done with, the monstrous headache that pounded in his templed would disappear. He knew it was nerves, but that didn't matter.
"This is going to be so weird," Kaoru said aloud to the empty room. "I've never had these feelings for another man. Well...for anyone. I've never been in love before and...God, I don't know. It'd be weird enough telling someone that I'm in love with them, but it's just kind of multiplied by the fact that the someone is Toshiya." He paced back and forth between the bed and the door for a few minutes then stopped and sighed. "No. What's weird is that I'm standing here talking to air when I should be across the hall talking to another actual human being. Baka..."
Kaoru went into the bathroom to check his hair. Yep, he thought. Still there and still that dirty blond color. Why'd I pick this color again? Forget it. I look fine. Stop worrying. Stop babbling...mentally. Just go!
He fought the urge to do a complete inspection of his wardrobe and, taking a deep breath, left his room. Three steps brought him inches in front of Toshiya's door. "It's now or never," he muttered. Kaoru knocked, four raps in quick succession. Only a few seconds passed before the door opened and a surprised Toshiya appeared in the doorway.
"Kaoru!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Are you okay? Is everything alright?"
"Uh...Toshiya can I come in? I...need to talk to you about something." Kaoru nervously scratched at the back of his neck.
Toshiya tilted his head to the side, his considerably mussed hair falling into his face. He brushed it back, tugged down on the short nightshirt he wore, and with a concerned frown nodded. He opened the door wider to allow Kaoru entrance. Silently, Kaoru entered the room, noting the damp towel draped over the chair and the rumpled bedclothes.
"Were you sleeping?" He asked.
Toshiya shook his head and walked over to the bed. He picked a book up off the nightstand. "Nope. I was just reading in bed. Couldn't sleep." He set the book back down and sat. "How about you? How come you're still up?"
"Like I said," the guitarist replied, pacing nervously. "I needed to talk to you."
"Oh..." Toshiya's eyes were getting tired watching Kaoru wear a rut in the floor. He couldn't stand it anymore. He reached out and grabbed Kaoru's arm as he passed by, pulling him onto the bed and, purely by accident, onto him. Toshiya looked up into Kaoru's shocked eyes and tried to smile. "Oops." He giggled half-heartedly. "So, what'd you want to talk about?"
"I'm in love with you!"
The words burst out of Kaoru's mouth before he had a chance to realize what he was saying. When Toshiya's eyes widened and he blinked several times in disbelief, Kaoru blushed fiercely and quickly moved off the younger man. He sat next to him on the bed, berating himself mentally.
"Oh," Toshiya whispered. "Oh..."
_______________________________________________________________________
I currently have two plot bunnies hopping around in my head for this story, each one trying to get me to go down a different road. Do I keep this one PG-13, mushy, and romantic or do I follow Plot Bunny #2 and turn the next part into something that would make the world's pornography magnates stammer and blush? Your call people! I can't decide so I need you to decide for me. Toss me an electronic lifeline and vote for the sweet lovable Plot Bunny #1 or the smutty depraved Plot Bunny #2. Think of this as a "Choose Your Own Ending" fic! ^__^
To be continued
To the next part