Title: Take This Heart
Author: Psy ([email protected])
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG...at the moment
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: Kaoru & Toshiya
Comments: I want to dedicate this fic to Mi-chan, the first person to give me feedback on any of my fics (aside from Lady Sakura and my friend Spring, of course). Thank you so much you sweet, wonderful person! It was talking to you more than anything that lit a fire under my butt to write this fic! *grin* I hope you enjoy it.
As always, comments and criticism are welcomed...no...begged for! Onegai! Tell me what you think!
Take This Heart
by Psy
Part One
Kaoru sighed heavily and leaned against the wall, taking a drag off his cigarette and inhaling deeply. This was one helluva a tour. He felt like they'd been to every country in the eastern part of the world twice over. And Die was talking about how he'd like to do a concert in the United States. Who the hell in the U.S. was gonna go see a Japanese rock band?! Kaoru snorted.
"Very attractive, Kao-chan!" a laughing voice teased him.
Turning his head slightly, Kaoru came face to face with a certain smiling bassist. Toshiya bumped his hip to scoot him over and claimed a portion of the wall, lighting a cigarette of his own.
"Shut up, Toshiya," Kaoru sneered. "I'm not in the mood."
"Geez...Okay, I'm sorry." The bassist cocked his head and looked worriedly at Kaoru. "What's wrong?"
Kaoru took another drag and sighed again. "Nothing. Everything. This tour. I guess it's getting to me. The endless interviews and photo shoots everwhere we go. I have to be the one to make sure everybody gets where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there and get them doing what they're supposed to be doing once I get them there. Takes a lot out of you, ya know?"
The younger man frowned. "Gomenasai, Kaoru. I guess the rest of us guys don't really think about how much you do for the band." He dropped his cigarette and wrapped his arms around Kaoru's neck, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Feel better, okay?" And then he was gone.
Kaoru touched his cheek and gazed after Toshiya wistfully. That man was like the wind, he thought. He blew in from nowhere unexpectedly to caress and tantalize and just as quickly blew away, leaving you wanting more. Oh, why do I do this to myself? Kaoru shut his eyes slumped to the ground. It was hopeless, absolutely hopeless to think that Toshiya really cared about him the same way that he cared about Toshiya. He flirted with everyone, for chrissakes! What kind of hopeless dreamer was he to think that it was anything but harmless fun on the bassist's part?
"Baka," he whispered to himself.
Laughter rang out across the empty concert hall. The band had just finished performing and adrenaline pumped through their veins. Die was bouncing around the stage throwing peanuts at Kyo and Toshiya, who dodged as best they could, laughing their asses off and returning fire when they stopped running long enough to pick up some of the many peanuts scattered onstage. Shinya sat behind his drumset watching the chaos quietly and smiling, his eyes following Kyo's every movement. Every now and then Kyo would glance his way and make kissy faces at him, to which the shy young man would respond with a blush and a quick air-peck of a kiss.
In the wings, Kaoru stood alone and watched his bandmates frolicking like children. There was a time he would have joined them, would have been hurling peanuts through the air along wih his fellow guitarist, but troubled thoughts weighed heavily on his mind. He didn't feel much like participating. Instead he found his gaze drawn again and again to the tall, slender figure of the band's bassist. He was, it seemed to Kaoru, a contradiction in terms, all at once feminine and masculine. No one else he knew could pull off that feat so innocently...and beautifully.
Kaoru sighed, half dreamily and half out of frustration. Toshiya was so beautiful. Especially now when he was running around the stage, long legs encased in jeans so tight they looked painted on, bare chest gleaming with sweat, and that huge adorable grin of his plastered on his face. As Kaoru watched, Toshiya took a peanut square in the forehead and fell to the ground.
"I'm hit! Man down! I'm hit!" he cried out, laughing. Toshiya turned his head and saw Kaoru standing off-stage away from everyone else. He pursed his lips and then smiled at the older man, calling to him. "Kaoru! Avenge my death! Defend my honor! My soul cries out for justice!"
Die, Kyo, and even Shinya were doubled over with laughter as Kaoru stared blankly at the bassist. A smile teased the corner of his mouth at the not-so-subtle attempt to get Kaoru to join in the fun. What the hell! Kaoru thought. A full-blown grin graced his face and he darted out onto the stage, scooping up peanuts as he went along.
"Ando Daisuke, prepare to face my wrath!" Kaoru yelled out jokingly. "I will avenge the brave Hara Toshimasa."
Die laughed and began running as Kaoru threw peanuts at him. Kyo was laughing far too hard to do anything but sink to the stage floor and watch. Behind his drumset, Shinya grinned, pleased to see Kaoru finally joining in. A peanut sailed through the air and smacked Die in the back of the neck. He clamped his hand over the "wound" and crumpled to the floor, laughing.
"Cough, hack, wheeze! I'm...dying...you...win!" In a stunning display of how NOT to act, Die died a very melodramatic death. The rest of his bandmates dissolved into laughter as he tried to lie very still and not laugh as well. It was a battle he swiftly lost.
Kaoru grinned and walked over to where Toshiya lay on the stage floor, one eye open to watch and the other closed in fake death. Kaoru knelt down beside him. "Brave Toshiya, your death has been avenged," he announced.
"He's not quite dead," Kyo said behind a chuckle.
The older man raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" He looked down at Toshiya. "Are you not quite dead?"
Toshiya grinned. "Nope. I'm half-alive still."
"Really now? So how do I make you all the way alive?"
"Ya gotta kiss me!" Toshiya replied in a giggly voice. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips, titling his head up slightly.
Kaoru gawked at him. All at once a dozen thoughts raced through his mind. Was he serious? How serious? Was this just part of the game? Would Toshiya have said this to Kyo if Kyo had been the one to "avenge his death"? Does he really expect me to kiss him? Kaoru furrowed his brow.
Toshiya opened an eye and frowned up at the guitarist. "You gonna kiss me or not?! I'm slowly becoming more dead!"
Blinking, Kaoru gave a barely perceptible nod and leaned forward. His heart was pounding, the blood roaring in his ears so loudly he was sure even Shinya at his drumset could hear it. Beads of sweat formed on his upper lip. He licked at them and let out a shaky breath, staring at Toshiya's beautifully-shaped lips, before he closed his own eyes and covered that mouth with his own.
Just a quick kiss, Kaoru told himself. Just a quick...
But it wasn't quick. Kaoru had meant to pull back, sure that for Toshiya it was all part of the inane little game they were playing, but long slender arms had reached up and snaked around his back, clasping him tighter against the lithe body on the floor. With another of his patented giggles, Toshiya lifted his head off the ground and returned Kaoru's tentative peck on the lips with a deep, passionate kiss.
I can't breath, Kaoru thought incredulously. And I don't care. Oh God! He melted into the kiss, slipping an arm beneath Toshiya to bring him closer still. The rest of the band had been completely forgotten. The rest of the world had been completely forgotten! Kaoru had wanted this for so long...
And all too soon, it was over.
Releasing his "avenging knight", Toshiya sat up and beamed at his other friends. "I'm alive!" They all laughed as he turned back to a stunned Kaoru. "Arigatou, ne? I'll commission a statue to keep your memory alive forever!" He giggled and got up, leaving the stage with Die and Kyo.
Kaoru couldn't move. It had just been a joke...but...you didn't put that much fire and passion into a joke kiss. Unless you were Toshiya, he thought gloomily. A hand on his shoulder jerked him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Shinya standing over him.
"You okay?" the drummer asked, concern written all over his pretty face.
Nodding, Kaoru got to his feet, brushing peanuts off his pant leg. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just...getting too old for these stupid, silly games."
Shinya made a noise that told Kaoru more than if the younger man had used words. "Liar," it said.
"Look, Shinya, don't worry about it," he all but begged his friend to leave it alone as they walked offstage. "I've just...got some things on my mind. I'm fine, okay?"
"Mmm..." Shinya regarded him comtemplatively for a moment. "Okay. If you say so."
"I do."
They walked in silence back to the dressing rooms. Kaoru sighed with relief when they parted ways. If he didn't pull himself together, soon they'd all know how he felt about Toshiya. He couldn't let that happen. Especially since Toshiya...well, Kaoru was pretty sure he didn't feel the same way. The real question he had to ask himself was would he ever have the courage to find out for sure?
_______________________________________________________________
End of Part One
I'm not exactly pleased with this part, but...it'll get better, I promise (not just you the readers, but myself, too!). I hope, though, that you liked this enough to give Part Two a chance once I get around to writing it! hehe
To be continued
To the next part