Title: Any Way You Can
Author: Psy ([email protected])
Genre: None that I can think of...romance, maybe?
Rating: PG-13
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: Shinya and Kyo
Comments: In this part Shinya comes to terms with his realization that he has feelings for Kyo and begins to wonder, due to his suddenly strange actions, if maybe Kyo doesn't have some feelings for him as well. I've even put in some parts from Kyo's P.O.V. Interesting, ne? What will happen? Read on! Feedback is, as always, welcomed and encouraged (hopefully more positive than negative! ^___^)
Any Way You Can
by Psy
Part Three
Shinya had been walking around in a daze for the last week. He barely
remembered returning to the dressing room and being greeted by Toshiya,
Kaoru, and Die with hugs and apologies that day...
That day, Shinya thought, looking out the window of the tour bus. The day
I realized that...that I'm in love with Kyo.
He had thought it was a crush. Okay. Fine, he had thought. Nothing wrong
with having a little crush. In fact, it's perfectly natural to develop a
modicum of feelings for someone that you can sympathize with, someone that
you feel close to. But as the week had progressed, Shinya had become
painfully aware that this was more than a crush. It had obviously been
building for quite some time until it just hit him full force. Finally
opening his eyes to the fact that he loved Kyo had made him wonder how he
couldn't have noticed it before. Just how blind can you be that you don't
even realize you love somebody?
Sighing, Shinya laid his head against the window. What did it matter now,
really? So he knew, he admitted it to himself. He was madly in love with Kyo,
the wild little blond vocalist for the band he so loved being a part of. So
what...Kyo would never feel that way about him. And if Shinya told him how he
felt? Yeah, that'd go over real great! Kyo'd either laugh in his face, think
he was a freak, or flat out not believe him, probably feeling Shinya was
toying with him or some such nonsense.
Shinya closed his eyes and sighed deeply once more. He gradually became
aware of something light and soft brushing his nose. Opening his eyes he
found the culprit was one end of a light blue silk scarf. Tilting his head
up, Shinya's eyes locked with Toshiya's. The tall bassist was kneeling in the
seat behind him dangling the scarf in front of Shinya's face, a huge playful
grin on his own.
"What are you doing?" Shinya asked in a weary voice.
Toshiya shrugged. "I'm bored."
"Gee, that's too bad." Shinya answered a bit scarcastically. "What do you
want me to do about it?"
The grin faded and Toshiya flung the scarf onto the seat next to him,
brushing his now very short, very NOT blue ( psy: rather more of a boring
brown) hair out of his eyes. He shrugged again. "Never mind."
Relief flooded through Shinya as he went off to pester Kaoru, who was
going over their itinerary for their next concert venue. Shinya couldn't even
remember where it was they were going. Boredom began to seep through every
vein in his body and he couldn't resist any longer the urge to look across
the aisle at Kyo.
Surprise, surprise...Kyo was asleep. It brought a slight smile to
Shinya's lips. He really was adorable when he slept, his small chest moving
up and down rhythmically, his blond hair falling hapharzadly every which way.
He had an innocent, almost child-like quality to him when he slept. It
betrayed the brash, loud, seemingly quite insane man he was in his waking
hours. Yes, he was all those things, but in a good way, Shinya contemplated
to himself. He was also sincere, hard-working, loyal, creative...Shinya
chuckled softly, realizing he could go on forever listing all the things he
loved about Kyo. But would he ever know how Shinya felt? Do I dare ever tell
him? he thought wonderingly.
Kyo stirred as the bus hit an exceptionally large bump in the road. He
grumbled unhappily and opened one eye. He opened it only a little, not
wanting the other band members to know he was awake. Besides, he wanted to go
back to sleep for a while longer. He was only curious as to what the others
were up to.
Sweeping his veiled gaze around the bus he saw Die yawning while he
flipped through a magazine, obviously not reading it or seeming even the
least bit interested in its contents. It was just something to do. Toshiya
was attempting to get Kaoru to cuddle with him, pouting and pleading with his
eyes and soft touches here and there while Kaoru fought him off
half-heartedly, his eyes glued to the itinerary sheet he held. Kyo smirked
thinking that Leader-san would soon give in. He always did.
Yawning, Kyo turned his head to look directly across the aisle, still
moving very carefully so as not to give away his non-sleeping state. The last
thing he needed was his bandmates pestering him. He almost opened his eyes
completely when he found that across the aisle, Shinya was looking at him.
Kyo struggled not to, but there was something curious in the way the lanky
drummer was gazing at him. It was...lovingly. Kyo furrowed his brow and felt
anger welling up. Shinya probably knew he was awake and was making fun of
him.
Wait, Kyo thought. Shinya never made fun of him. Baka! he yelled at
himself inwardly. Stop being so damned paranoid! But why is he looking at me
like that? Kyo suddenly felt very uncomfortable and he didn't know why.
Rather than try to figure it out, he closed his half-opened eye, leaned
against the window, and went back to sleep.
Everyone was overjoyed to finally get off the tour bus. Die even hugged
the driver and thanked him for FINALLY getting them there. The stunned driver
had stammered out a "You're...um...welcome" and the rest of the band burst
into laughter. All except Shinya, who was pondering other things. Kyo looked
behind him and saw the drummer standing apart from the group, a serious look
on his face. He took a couple of big hops backwards and then turned once he
was directly in front of Shinya.
"Hey, Shin-chan, what's up with you? You look like your dog just died or
something!" Kyo teased.
Shinya blinked and stared at the vocalist, his gaze softening at the cute
smirk on Kyo's face. "Oh...um...it's nothing really."
"You've been saying that an awful lot lately,"Kyo replied, the smirk
leaving his face. "And that means something's wrong." He cast a glance back
at the rest of Dir en grey and then stepped beside Shinya, putting an arm
around his slender shoulders (psy: or at least trying to! Poor Kyo-chan; so
short compared to Amazon Shinya! ) and leading him back towards the bus.
"Listen, I know how it feels to have something you need to get off your chest
and not having anybody to tell it to. So...if you need to talk, Shinya...you
can talk to me. I know you kinda have it rough sometimes, what with all of us
ribbing ya and everything. If it'll help, I'll tone it down."
Shinya stared in shock at Kyo. "Kyo...I...You don't have to. It's not
about that. I can deal with the teasing. Well...most of the time. But this
doesn't really have anything to do with that."
Kyo nodded. "Yeah. Okay, but...I'll still try not to pick on you so
much." He paused and looked back once more at their bandmates. They were
laughing and having a merry ol' time, not noticing that their vocalist and
drummer had disappeared. A sad look came over his face. "Hey, Shin-chan...You
ever feel like...left out?"
The drummer gave him a quizzical look. "How do you mean?" Wow, he
thought, a real, serious conversation with Kyo! I'm in Heaven.
He shrugged. "You know. They always seem to be having such a great time.
They're always happy...or, at least, they aren't depressed. Sometimes I feel
so..."
"Alone." Shinya finished, his voice low with sadness and understanding,
the joy he'd felt just moments earlier gone.
"Yeah. Alone." Kyo looked up at him, a contemplative look in his eyes,
filled with sadness and wonder and maybe a glimmer of hope. Hope that someone
else understood how he felt; wonder that it would be the tall beautiful
drummer beside him with the ever-present sad, lost, and secretive expression
on his face. Had he ever noticed the sadness and lonliness on Shinya's face
before? Kyo didn't think he had and he felt a sudden wave of guilt. "I'm
sorry. I didn't know you felt...alone sometimes, too."
A small smile graced Shinya's lips for a fraction of a second. "It's
okay. I don't think anybody notices how I feel most of the time."
Kyo frowned. "And you just accept that?"
Shinya nodded and shrugged. "I don't like it, but...there's really
nothing I can do. I don't like confrontations."
"Well then you need to find somebody to fight your battles for you," Kyo
decided.
"Anou..." Shinya's voice was barely a whisper. "I already have someone in
mind, but..."
Kyo raised an eyebrow. "Hontou?" Shinya nodded and Kyo studied his face
for a moment, making him blush under the scrutiny. He's going to figure it
out if I don't stop blushing! Shinya thought. "Lemme guess: you haven't told
them how you feel." Another nod, more blushing. "Well, why the hell not?!"
Kyo demanded.
"I don't think he...uh...they feel the same way." Shinya wanted to die.
He'd said "he"! Oh God! What was Kyo going to think?
"He?" the blond questioned. "Oh...so maybe you're a little shy 'cause
it's another guy..." Kyo nodded to himself. "Yep, that must be it. Geez,
Shinya! Who the fuck cares if it's a guy! If Toshiya or Die get on your case,
I'll shave 'em bald!"
Shinya laughed and Kyo smiled, pleased to see him laughing. He wondered
why it was suddenly so important to him to see Shinya happy for a change.
Maybe, he thought, maybe it's 'cause we understand how the other feels. He
quickly shrugged and grabbed Shinya's hand.
"C'mon, let's go give 'em hell for not realizing we were gone!" He said
with an impish grin. Shinya nodded and laughed again.
Wow, Shinya thought. Kyo has been so nice to me lately. He looked across
the table at the object of his thoughts, who was deeply absorbed in the menu.
We've been hanging out together and...I've even allowed myself to think of
them as dates. I suppose that's wrong, but...it gives me such a good feeling.
I feel so happy! I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder...I wonder if I could
dare to hope that maybe he has feelings for me, too.
Kyo looked over the top of the menu and met Shinya's eyes. He raised a
pierced eyebrow questioningly at the look on his dinner companion's face then
quickly shook it off. "What are you getting?" he asked.
"The boneless, skinless grilled chicken breast, rice, and a small dinner
salad, no dressing," came the reply.
Kyo made a face. "Geez!" he shook his head. "Why'd we come to a
Western-style restaurant anyway? I can't decide on anything here!"
"Because neither of us had ever been here before, Kyo-kun," Shinya
answered. We're arguing like an old married couple, he thought briefly.
Kawaii!
"Oh..."Kyo grunted. "Okay, I think I'll get...steak and shrimp. That
sounds decent."
Shinya looked scandalized. "Steak?! That is sooo bad for you! How can you
eat that?! All that fat and..." the rest of his protestations were silenced
as Kyo leaned across the table and kissed him. His eyes widened with
shock...and pleasure. Kyo's lips were soft, the metal of his lip ring cool,
the pressure gentle yet persistent. Shinya moaned a little and at that
instant, Kyo pulled away.
What...was...that?! Kyo asked himself. He had only meant to cut off
Shinya's rambling, maybe rattle him a bit by kissing him. He had only meant
for it to be a second, but...for some reason he had deepened the kiss,
applied more pressure than he originally intended...enjoyed it! And then
Shinya had moaned. Was he liking it? Kyo wondered.
He had looked away when he broke the kiss, but he now turned his head to
look at Shinya. The drummer was blushing fiercely and it looked like he had
tears in his eyes.
"Shinya, I..." Kyo began.
"Did you mean it?"
Kyo was baffled at the softly spoken question that interrupted was he had
been intending as an apology. "What?"
Shinya raised his head and locked his eyes onto Kyo's. "Did you mean it?"
he repeated.
"I...uh...I" Kyo didn't know what to say.
Pushing his chair out, Shinya got up from the table. "Don't kiss me like
that unless you mean it!" His eyes threatening to overflow with hurt,
confused tears, Shinya turned and left the restaurant, leaving Kyo to wonder
if he had meant it after it all.
______________________________________________________________________________
*gasp* Was that finally some boy/boy action I wrote there?! *looks up* Yup,
it surely was! ^_____^ There's more to come in Part Four, which is written
entirely in Kyo's point of view as he struggles to sort out his real feelings
for a certain drummer named Shinya (and no, I do NOT mean from Luna Sea! =P).
Thanks again, Sakura, for being so nice and for putting up with my miles of
fic. I'm still writing Part Four, but hope to have that done pretty soon, as
well as the rest of the story *knock on wood* =)
To be continued
To the next part