Title - Anything But Lonely
Author - Psy ([email protected]
Genre - Angst (I guess)/Romance
Rating - R
Band - Dir en grey
Pairing - Kaoru & Kyo
Comments - Not only is this my very first fic featuring a Kaoru & Kyo pairing, but it is my very first gift fic, requested by the sweet and wonderful Myaku, who bribed me to write this with some very nice pictures! ^_^ My first non-edible bribe, I might add!
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Anything But Lonely
PROLOGUE
It's so quiet. I can hear the soft night breeze rustle the poly-blend curtains in front of the open window. I can hear the numbers on the digital clock blip as the time changes. But most loudly of all, I can hear my heart, beating not slow and steady, but furiously and slightly irregular. Probably doesn't help that I've sucked down and entire pack of cigarettes in just under an hour. I always think it'll help calm the anxiety, but it really only makes it worse.
Yeah, it's definitely another one of those damn anxiety attacks. Kaoru keeps telling me that I should see someone about them, and that's really sweet of him to suggest and all, but I don't need some overpaid, over-priced, over-educated snob who's made it their profession to stick their nose into other people's personla business to tell me why I have them.
I hate being alone.
There. It's that simple. Of course, I'd never admit it to anyone...although I did let it slip in an interview a couple years ago. No big deal. People think I'm lying 90% of the time anyway, so it's unlikely that anyone took me seriously. At any rate, that's the truth. I hate coming home to an empty house, dark and quiet. I hate hearing my footsteps echo in the emptiness. I hate myself for getting so depressed about it. I'm always inviting the guys over to my place or asking them to hang out, just so I won't have to be here alone. Sometimes I feel pretty damn pathetic.
I don't know why I'm so damn anxious now, though. I'm not gonna be alone for much longer. Kaoru's coming over.
Kaoru...
Now, I'm not the type to get all mushy or describe having some warm, fuzzy feeling (as if you thought I was like that!...I really hope you don't think I'm like that!), but I guess I feel differently about Kaoru than I've felt about anyone else. I wanna...I dunno, just smile when I think about him. It's really hard to describe. I mean, I'm not even sure exactly what it is I feel when it comes to him, you know? But right now, tonight, I feel different.
Geez...it's been forever since I was alone with Kaoru. Is that it? This will be the first time I can think of that I've been alone with him since I started having...I dunno, this strange feeling. Oh god. I don't fucking believe it! I'm nervous about being alone with Kaoru! What am I? Some air-headed little schoolgirl? (And don't you dare even think about me in a fuku! I will find out and I swear I will beat you senseless! Dammit! I bet you're thinking I'd look really cute, aren't you? Fuck!)
My heart is pounding so loudly now that I almost didn't hear the knock on the door. He's here. I crush out my cigarette and take a deep breath.
Holy shit, I'm shaking! My hands are fucking shaking!
I quickly ball them into fists and smack myself in the head a couple o' times for good measure. I stare at the door and Kaoru knocks again. Why did I invite him over again? I mean, I know why. I don't wanna be alone. But what was the reason I actually gave? Something about a video game, I think. Is that it? Possibly.
He knocks again and I can hear him huff impatiently on the other side of the door. Probably thinks I fell asleep. I chuckle. I think of how my heart is beating so fast.
And then...I open the door.
To be continued
To the next part