Background for the Story: Yoshiki and Shinya are cousins. Shinya is present day 17 years old and Yoshiki is 19. ^__^
ummm... here:
"..." - dialogue, what is really said
~...~ - thoughts, what the people think
//...// - flashback, what they remember
**...** - what Shinya hears come out from people's mouths
"When I was five, I already felt inferior to you," Shinya whispered. Yoshiki was sitting before him, behind specialized unbreakable plexiglass that not even a tennyo would be able to break. The doctors wouldn't allow Yoshiki to speak with his cousin unless those precautions were taken after all. "We shared the same piano teacher, you're mother, my oba-san. We were supposed to be at the same level in skill... we were taught at the same time..."
Everyone always praised you, you know? That's because during the most climactic portion of the piece I would miss a chord or play a wrong note. I could never get the score perfect. But you, you were pefect - you always got everything right. That's why I began to envy you. Everyone praised you, but no one told me anything but, "you'll get better someday, Shinya. Maybe you'll be as good as your cousin."
But you see, I never became as good as my cousin. At our recital which took place one week before my fifth birthday, I played first. I messed up in the middle; I was so embarrassed that I ran off stage without finishing the piece. Your mother glared at me angrily and sent you off to the piano to make up for my mistakes. You were playing perfect, naturally I felt slightly jealous.
"Isn't he wonderful?" Your mother asked me. "Unlike you, he can play the piece perfectly. Wonderful! My son is perfect - you could never be like him even if you practiced for a thousand years, Shinya. His fingering, beautiful! His poise, perfect! His style, wonderful! My son is the best piano player and no low class brat like yourself could ever have a chance at beating him! Listen to the beauty of the piece! It sounds so bland when played by another's hands, but by his it sounds like a million angels singing in unison in a beautiful heavenly chorus!"
"It doesn't sound that great," I said. I was feeling very angry at you then, because what she had said. Most children say things they don't mean. "I can play like that someday, I'll even beat him." You're mother glared at me, hard. She grabbed me by my collar and dragged me out into the hall where no one else was. She threw me roughly against the ground.
"Itai! Oba-san, why did-" her open palm made contact with my cheek. Tears began to well up in my eyes. I couldn't believe what she had just done.
"Don't you ever speak like that about my perfect son ever again!" She continued to beat me for the rest of the piece. My body was young and not used to the pain, I cried. Behind her curses and insults, I heard the perfect piano playing. I heard the flawlessness in the piece, a sound which has forever ringed in my ears ever since. I cursed that sound... the sound of a piano being played by you. The only reason I felt that pain that day was because of your stupid piano playing... or was it because of my stupid piano playing?
The reason she beat me was not because your playing was perfect and mine was not. It was because I couldn't beat you. I couldn't play as good as you. I was the reason for the pain I felt that night.
"Had enough yet?" She was stepping on my back with her high-heeled shoe. I was still crying, choking on sobs and I was unable to answer her. She ground her heel into my skin and I cried out. "Worthless..." She lifted me up by my beautiful hair and lay her lips on mine. I didn't understand what was going on at first and before I realized it, she had carried me back to her car.
When I realized what was going on, I awoke in the passenger seat. My hands were tied together with the seatbelt and oba-san was speaking on her cell phone. "Yeah, I have something to do and I forgot. I'm taking Shinya home, please take care of Yoshiki and bring him home. Thanks." The cell phone beeped and she looked at me. I gulped. We weren't headed anywhere close to the place I knew as home. Instead, she stopped the car in a dark wooded area.
She dragged me out of the car and threw me down on the floor. I whimpered, she hit me. She tore the clothing from my frail body and... did things. I won't get into detail, but I'll tell you, throughout the whole thing, I screamed, I sobbed, I cried. I pleaded, even begged that she stop because I knew it was wrong and that it hurt. But she didn't listen to me. She didn't stop. Whenever I said something, she ignored me and continued to hurt me.
It was then that I realized words didn't get a person anywhere. The whole reason I was being hurt like this was not only because I wasn't able to beat you and because I said something that offended her. In essence, my lack of skill and my bad choice in words got me raped that evening. My aunt raped me with a strap-on that night. She was a woman I used to trust so much, but then all respect I might have had for humankind dissipated like water vapor in the air.
"So I decided I'd get along much better in life if I just left my dreams alone to fade and said nothing at all. That way I couldn't get anyone offended any more." Shinya finished, glanced at the wall clock and stated, "Our hour's talk is up, Yoshiki."
Yoshiki sat in shock once his cousin explained. "I-I'm so, so sorry, Shinya..." Yoshiki was leaning against the glass and crying. His cousin wasn't, even though recalling such memories would have sent any normal person crying like a baby. Shinya looked up at Yoshiki, his heart filling with hatred. "Maybe I've been directing my anger at the wrong person."
Shinya stood up when the doctors asked him to return with them to his room. Yoshiki still cried, Toshi went to help him. ~To think... to think that my mother would have done something so terrible, so cruel! How could she? Why?~
~You shouldn't have blamed Yoshiki all this time,~ the voices in Shinya's mind told him. ~You've always been the one to blame for your own pain. It's all been your fault and all this while you've made him and yourself suffer. You should just end it. There's nothing left for you.~
Shinya sighed. The voices he heard always changed their minds. One day they'd be telling him that Yoshiki was the one to blame and that he was the victim. The next day they'd be saying that he was the cause of his own blame and that he should just commit suicide and end his painfilled life. Other days they'd tell him that his oba-san was the evil one and that no one cared for him at all. Either way, Shinya found it hard to follow his heart.
He sat alone in the white room, staring at the light which illuminated the quiet, lonely place. And slowly, the chaotic voices in his own mind lulled him to sleep.
