Chapter 3: Declair Me
I lean back against the wall of the studio where we practice, a smoke that has been mostly forgotten in my hand. Practice had gone well, although I'd been distracted and missed a few of my cues. Right now, I have about twenty minutes before the bus would arrive.
"Aren't you cold?" I hear a familiar voice ask.
I turn and force a smile to my lips as I face Kaoru. "Nah, I have a thick coat," I reply. It was the winter months but, other than the wind stinging my cheeks, I was fine. "I'd thought you left already," I comment when he pulls out one of his own smokes and leans beside me. It must be a smokers thing, this tendancy to lean against walls. I've never seen Shinya do it.
"I thought I would see how you are. You seemed bothered during practice," he replies.
"Just not feeling well," I say evasively. I don't hold my situation against him, even if I am jealous. After all, he didn't make Toshiya love him and he did his best to keep the bassist happy.
"You shouldn't be out here if you're not feeling well. Do you have a cold?" Kaoru asks, facing me slightly. There is a strangely intent look on his face.
I shrug, looking at the ground because I am unable to meet his eyes. "I dunno. Probably just a small one. The weather and all," I reply. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with his scrutiny.
"Toshiya can make a great soup that will help chase off the cold," Koaru said casually.
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that it was a loaded comment. "Yeah, he's made it a few times for me in the past," I reply, trying to sound as casual as he does.
Kaoru nods, finally looking away. He is quiet for a long moment. "Do you care about him?" he finally asks, the words sounding rushed.
I start before I can keep my reaction in check, and try to cover it up with a strained laugh. "Of course. All of you are my closest friends. He wasn't here during the time of La Sadies, but he means just as much to me as the rest of you," I babble.
Kaoru nods again, watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. "Why do you ask all of a sudden?" I finally question, unable to stand the growing silence any longer.
"No reason, just something Toshiya said to me," he replies, suddenly unable to meet my eyes.
I feel myself go pale and hope he won't notice. Could Toshiya have guessed my feelings for him? I'm pretty sure that I haven't said anything about them. "What did he say?" I ask, glad when my voice doesn't tremble.
Kaoru shrugs and throws his half-smoked cigarette to the ground. I glance down at my own and am surprised to see it has burnt to the filter. I toss it onto the ground as well. "My bus will be here in a few moments," I say, again trying to break the seemingly heavy silence between us.
Kaoru nods and walks with me to the busstop. His car is still parked close by, but I know he won't offer a ride. Both of us go in different directions, and I don't like him going out of his way. Toshiya usually gives me a ride, but he vanished almost instantly after practice today. The two of us wait in silence as my bus comes. I force a smile ot my lips and wave goodbye to Kaoru as I step on.
"He screamed your name when we had sex last night," Kaoru blurts out, almost too quiet for me to hear.
My eyes snap open wide and I spin around to look at him. At the same moment, the doors close and the bus pulls away from the curb. It is too late to go back and demand answers, since the driver's just get mad at you if you ask them to stop between the busstops. Absently, I pay the fare before flopping myself bonelessly into an available seat.
I couldn't tell by his expression if Kaoru was pissed off or not. Either way, I can't get over my shock.
My name?!
To be continued
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