Note: The use of the word 'Client' describes the person or persons in whom you are dealing with.

 

BUILDING RAPPORT

First, what is rapport?

Rapport is camaraderie, harmony, compatibility and understanding. It is a means of connection, COMMUNICATION that bridges the barriers of age, religion, origin and sex.

Building rapport is probably the most important part of this workshop and is the basis of interpersonal relations. You may be dealing with people of a different age bracket, possibly different descent and background. Some will be frightened, frustrated and even aggressive toward you.

Show a genuine concern for their welfare and make an effort to get to know them if time permits. Gain their respect! No matter what mood they are in, you are the determining factor. Your positive input is vital. Here are some specifics to building rapport:

Actions that build Rapport:

1. Greeting the Clients on meeting them

2. Smile while maintaining eye contact

3. Stand with a good posture and be confident

4. Show genuine interest

5. Listen to them

Words that build Rapport:

1. Identify each Client by name

2. Use words they can understand easily

3. Have them laugh at you - self put down (joke about your bad driving or          how you must have upset the barber because of the condition of your           new haircut).

4. Tell them an interesting story related to your work

5. Talk about them

6. Talk to them

Sure Killers of Rapport:

1. Talking down to them

2. Getting annoyed or angry

3. Ordering them around

4. Constantly talking about yourself

SETTING AT EASE

The concept of setting Clients at ease is to release the tension build up from their current predicaments.

There is tension in a home after an argument between spouses. There is tension in a Juvenile Justice Centre after a failed escape attempt. There is tension in the Courts as to the outcome of a young person's case. Tension suggests energy coiled like a watch spring but likely to explode into violence at any moment.

The energy from tension has usually been created by events but has not yet been dissipated by a follow-through to such events. The energy must be dissipated before any change in the fine balance leads to violent action.

The way to help prevent this energy build-up or to help dissipate it is through communication, stimulation and humour.

COMMUNICATION

Although you may feel you have nothing in common with the varying Clients that come into your care, it is important to start conversation with them. Help to set him or her at ease and let them see that you are human after all... You may tell some jokes.

Find things which will be of interest to them to discuss. You may talk about their origins, how many in their family, possibly their past achievements or experiences. The idea is to get them to talk about themselves! After all it is everyone's favourite subject, so go for it!

Do not avoid subjects as to why they are there, as it will always be on their minds and may help them relax more by talking about it. Talk to them individually and in small groups.

Show a genuine concern for their welfare and make an effort to get to know them if time permits. Above all, gain their respect!

TEN SIMPLE METHODS OF CONVERSATION

1. Stimulate Others; Ask questions which require answers and help the Client carry the conversation forward and keep it alive. Start some sentences with;

"Why would a ..."

"What do you think will..."

"In your opinion what..."

"How did you happen to..."

"How, what and why"-it works!

2. Don't Lie; If you are insincere and not truthful you can jeopardise your credibility. Then when you tell them anything again it will not be believed as easily.

3. Refrain from using the `I' word too much; People who talk about themselves are boring. Socrates once said, not "I think", but "what you think?"

4. Don't Interrupt; It is rude to interrupt. Find out and listen to what is bothering them. Show respect.

5. Avoid Boring Topics; Try and talk about relevant subjects that you both will understand. Better still talk about them.

6. Don't Offend; People are sensitive so be aware of your chosen subjects. Try feeling like the other person... Be Empathic.

7. Don't Put Down; Putting down someone, especially in view of others, will cause people usually to respond by justifying their actions in defence. Try a little praise.

8. Discuss, Don't Argue; The Chinese have a saying that the man who shouts first has lost his argument. Keep your voice calm and be in control.

9. Include Others; Don't show all your attention to the one person, include the others and their opinions, they may even help. Don't let the others get the idea that to attract attention in this place you have to start conflicts.

10. Listening; Don't mis-interpret what is being said, LISTEN.

HUMOUR

If you know of any jokes and want to share them with the Clients in your care, PLEASE.. practise them! Jokes and a good sense of humour cause laughter which helps set people at ease. You can pick out jokes from newspapers, magazines, television and friends. However, make sure your jokes are not aimed at your audience, aim them at yourself or a make believe friend. Don't let them be the brunt of your humour or you will be laughing by yourself.

They're everywhere... Look at comedians like Robin Williams, Steve Martin, Jerry Seinfeld, Whoopi Goldburg, Gene Wilder, Kevin `bloody' Wilson, Bill Cosby and Rodney Rude. Telling jokes is as much fun as listening to them. The pleasure you get from making other people laugh is fantastic..Try it!

E.G

There was this friend of mine taking flying lessons out at Bankstown Airport and he was up in the air with his instructor when the instructor pointed out it was getting to the end of their lesson and that they should head in..

On approach to the runway the aircraft was virtually sideways, finally making contact with the bitumen with a screech of the tyres, then bounced and jolted until finally coming to a halt.

There was silence for what seemed like minutes, when, the instructor looked at my friend and said,`that sir, was the worst landing I have ever experienced in my whole flying career'.

CONFIDENCE BUILDING

To really start getting improvement from the Client, he/she should be confident within themselves. To achieve that end you can help provide an significant role by following the information in this section.

Everybody wants it and everybody needs it. Appreciation is what all of us hunger for. It makes us more productive, happier and gives us a zest for life when on the receiving and giving ends. Try it, but do it sincerely!

To complain and keep pointing out one's bad points will only lead to more poor performances and perhaps retaliation. By pointing out one's good points will definitely motivate that person to improve.

When you have a group of kids on control orders or custodial persons and they are behaving in your care, let them know you appreciate it! Like a smile, it doesn't cost you anything, and although you may not realise it, you will feel a better person also. However, as before, do it sincerely, do not flatter them as this is a very plastic way of demonstrating appreciation. It is just sweet-talk, grovelling and these kids will see through it straight away.

After a problem is resolved without incident, let them know how much you appreciate their co-operation and mean it! Honest appreciation gets results where criticism fails.

CRITICISM

People become defensive and deny criticism when directed at them. We criticise to manipulate someone into doing something our way. Criticism is useless because it puts a Client on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. It wounds a person's pride, hurts their sense of importance and arouses resentment.

B.F. Skinner, the famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticising, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.

Instead of condemning the Clients, try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. Again don't criticize, condemn or complain.

In itself, confidence is an emotional state. As an emotional state it is the true opposite of anxiety and fear. The positive feedback from confidence often creates the situation that justifies the confidence in the first place

The Court's intervention and imposed incarceration of the juvenile offender or adult means a loss of liberty, not development. You play an integral role in the redirection of the Juvenile placed on control orders and even will have an effect on some life long repeat offenders.

Make the Clients, in your care, feel important. Be sincere in your appraisals. Look at each one and try and find a quality you admire, physical or intellectual. If they look fit to you, tell them! Ask them how they got to be so fit? Perhaps they carry themselves well or have a healthy smile, let them know.

Instead of trying to catch a Client doing something wrong all the time, try to catch them doing something right, then look them straight in the eye and praise them for it. Try and let them know you are on their side. You are not there to punish them, you are there to guide them along the right path and help, in any way you can, in their development.

Now you know when they are doing something wrong, don't turn your back on the situation. You must act on it immediately, look them straight in the eye and state exactly what they have done wrong, be specific.

CREATING POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE

SUCCEED THROUGH A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE

Creating a Positive Mental Attitude is for you as much as it is for the Client. It allows you to motivate yourself and others. When your thoughts and actions display a positive attitude you tend to achieve that end and it's contagious. The people you come into contact with can sense you have a positive attitude and tend to act in a positive manner to you. Think positive.

Feel good when at work. Enjoy the work you are doing. Believe the few minutes of positive contact you have with the Clients helps them more in their lives. You will find you will be rewarded in one way or another.

A positive mental attitude does not come easily. You must work to perfect it. Choose to be hopeful, optimistic, happy and to be useful. Think of the following;

Identify yourself with a successful image.

Motivate yourself and others.

Show enthusiasm by talking quickly, loudly, emphasising important words, modulate and keep a smile in your voice,

Ask yourself what special talents you may have or the

Client that you can develop.

Change your belief from `it can't' to `it can or `I can't' to `I can'.

Memorise this; What the mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve.

When you always try to prove to persons who you meet that they are wrong, you repel rather than attract.

Say to yourself that as each day goes by, you are getting better and better through self-affirmations. Then to proceed to praise someone for something they are doing right.

Motivation is that which induces action or determines choice. An inner urge within the individual which incites him/her into action.

When you know principles that can motivate you, you will then know principles that can motivate others, and visa-versa.

As Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone wrote in their book `Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude' suggests the ten most basic motives which inspire human action are;

1. The desire for SELF-PRESERVATION

2. The emotion of LOVE

3. The emotion of FEAR

4. The emotion of SEX

5. The desire for LIFE AFTER DEATH

6. The desire for FREEDOM OF BODY AND MIND

7. The emotion of ANGER

8. The emotion of HATE

9. The desire for RECOGNITION and        SELF-EXPRESSION

10. The desire for MATERIAL GAIN.

All these motives are common desires and emotions of the kids that come into your care. HOPE is the key word. The hope that they can gain, grasp and control the above motives.

Everybody has problems. The biggest problem people have with problems is coping with the problem itself.

Every time you meet with a problem and you tackle it successfully, using a positive mental attitude, you become a better and more successful person.

To help tackle a problem;

(a) Direct your thoughts, Think.

(b) State the problem and

(c) analyse it.

(e) Adopt the positive mental attitude point of view. Remember, one good idea followed by action can change failure into success.

SUMMARY

1. To think positive you must act positive.

2. To be enthusiastic you must act enthusiastic. Ask yourself if you want to be enthusiastic. The answer is `YES'. Right?

3. Motivate others by example.

4. If you know what motivates a person-you can motivate him.

5. To help tackle a problem; (a) Direct your thoughts, Think. (b) State the problem and (c) analyse it. (e) Adopt the positive mental attitude point of view. Remember, one good idea followed by action can change failure into success.

6. When you always try to prove to persons who you meet that they are wrong, you repel rather than attract

7. What the mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve.

EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Have you ever been speaking to someone and you found that they were not really listening to you at all? It's not a nice feeling, is it? It makes you feel as though you or your conversation was too boring for them.

Perhaps it is just their need to blank out for a while from work related pressures.... People have a tendency to lose focus and start day dreaming about the beach or a new car or perhaps the person they met at work yesterday, we are all guilty of it. Make an extra effort in listening to others. What feelings did you have when being ignored?

Clues

When you are not listening effectively, you will miss out on very important clues, which are being given through speech. You will learn later how to pick up non-verbal clues as to the direction people will take using body talk techniques. Try and pay particular attention as to the contents.

Listening would have to be the most used action word in this manual. You will find it in just about every chapter. This is because it is the most important action you could do from interpersonal relations through negotiation and up to passive restraint.

Speaking and listening is communication. Communication is our means to resolve conflict using our brains instead of muscle.

In brief, listening will give you an insight to people's wants, needs, personality and intentions. It enables you to be part of a conversation and gains you respect from the speaker for believing they are important enough to listen to.