Party Like a Rockstar
You only have one life to live, so get the most out of it while you can. You may think you know how to party hard, but deep down inside you know you have never pushed it to the limit. You live in fear of what may happen if you dare try to go all out. Did these guys make it by sitting around someones garage or basement nursing that precious Busch Light like you do every weekend? NO they didn't, they are all rockstars. They didn't get to that level by sitting around drinking the same watered down beer with the same group of guys bitching about abundance of weiner and sausage fests, they went out found as many groupie sluts as they desired and partied like it was going out of style. In other words lift up your skirt, reach down, grab ahold of your balls and party like a rockstar you fucking pussy. Now that you are asking yourself, "How do I do that?", I will step in and give you pointers and guidelines on how to make your weekends count. Follow my advice and the party will be where you are at, not vise versa
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
The starting point of any good party is where to have it. Your house, garage or basement is NOT the place. Do you really want to clean up afterwards just calculating the damages? I sure as hell don't. I advise finding a good remote field or farmhouse that doesn't belong to you. They are out in the middle of nowhere so no one will bother you, and the large open area is very welcoming to large groups of people. Another good place to get down and dirty is the birthplace of rockstar parties, a hotel. Sure you run a risk of getting kicked out, but that rarely happens unless you have a grip of pyrotechnics going off, drawing attention to whats going on in there. I prefer hotels for a few simple reasons. You are paying to stay there and be their guest, take advantage of this and remember the customer is always right. Hotels also provide sleeping and bathing facilities, a must after you took too much and just pass out. But the most imortant factor in hotel rooms is the cleaning ladies. Nothing beats demolishing a room and leaving it for that group of ladies who don't speak a lick of English, trying to get their green cards to take care of. I highly recommend the Savery Hotel in downtown Des Moines. My crew was welcomed there for state wrestling for many years, but that all changed this year. They tend to be very tolerant of your actions due to the high price if the room, but this year we took it a little too far. The final great location for a good party is your local flop house. This is the house that belongs to one of your friends that strikingly resembles the house from Fight Club. Your friend never cares just who stops by as long as they bring enough booze for him. He also knows he won't have to calculate damages because he doesn't have any possessions worth a shit.
Get loaded like a freight train
Now that you have your location settled, the next step is what exactly you should quench your thirst for booze with. Don't even think about grabbing that 30 pack of Busch Light you dumb shit redneck. Show some class and get some good booze.
These are some classy starters, but let your own tastes distinguish your personal weapon of choice
Bitches, Ho's and Tricks
With the spot and the beverages chosen its time to get some floozies in the mix. You have to take special precaution when bringing sluts to the table, you have to have just the right mix and breed or things could get ugly real quick. You want to avoid cockteases, drama queens and beer leaches no matter how hot they might be. You also should avoid the loud mouth bitch because she will garauntee a fight to break out. You want girls who are easy, but not too easy because a purebred slut will make a classier girl stray from the party. Make sure to invite girls who have several friends that is down to bring them along. A couple good places to find good girls to party with are Kirkwood Community College and on Hot or Not. A snatch found at either place is as close to a sure thing as it gets. Pictured below are some bitches to get the party started
Get the boys and get the ball rolling
Now that everything is in line all you have to do is get classy people to make it a party. Make sure to filter strokes and nerds out because they will ruin the night and you will watch all your hard work go to waste. Below are some examples of what's acceptable and what's not
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| Good- I'm rockin out and I'm gonna get laid | Bad- Where is Nick Summy goin with my girl? | Good- Great White sure has a good live buffet | Bad- Umm, Do you guys have any Zima? |
Hopefully now that you have the knowledge you will put it to use and have a Motley Crue weekend of your own. If you still don't think you are ready, get more information at tanwhore. If you can't figure it out after that then you are helpless, and are doomed to lame Busch Light weekends the rest of your life
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