Jealousy
Sometimes I cannot seem to help myself. I find that if he is anywhere near me or
if I even think he can see me from a distance, I begin to move in a way that I
don't do when I know I am completely alone.
If I am making bread, for example, and he passes through the room, I will press
the dough harder. The movement is subtle, but it also causes my breasts to lift
in a way that displays them more fully. Once when I was doing laundry, I saw him
from the corner of my eye. He paused in the doorway and watched me for a moment.
I wore only a rep cloth tied like a sarong about my waist. I exaggerated each
motion, the bubbles from the tub rising and landing on my body ... some popping
to leave a soft gleaming wetness on my skin...others lingering there for a
moment sparkling in the light. I knew how it must look.
He has talked to me about doing everything beautifully. I find I enjoy catching
a glimpse of either the beginning of his smile or a hot warmth growing in his
eyes. I like to look at his eyes. They are the color of smoke or distant storm
clouds. There is a depth in them that is almost hypnotically fascinating, the
color changing with his mood. It takes my breath away to see it and sometimes it
is even worth risking punishment to look at him.
Last night in the tavern I realized that I can become not only jealous, but will
become aggressive if I think another slave is approaching him and he has not
called the slave over. Two slaves - emily and najah - both crawled toward him
last night as I served him wine. I took some care to avoid putting my knee in
najah's face. But when both solidly planted themselves near his feet, I edged
past them, nearly crawling into his lap to serve the wine.
Emily is my friend ... yet unless he called her over, I would still position
myself between them as I did last night.
I say this with mixed feelings. In some ways I do not believe I have the right
to feel the emotions that I do. I do not wear his collar. Yet, I am fully his -
collar or no. I do not need a bit of metal to show off to other slaves to know
this.
"Master, I bring you wine and the slave girl joy" ... "
With all that implies?"
Yes ... with all that implies.