He Possesses Me
He adorned my wrist with bina yesterday. The beads are simple, red and teal in
color, and in their simplicity reveal something that is beautiful and also more
than adornment.
I worked in the garden today, picking fruit from one of the trees. I found
myself holding my wrist in a manner that showed off the beads. It made me laugh,
reminding me of girls on earth with a new piece of jewelry - how they would wave
their hands about or toss their hair back to reveal earrings. They amused me
because I, of course, was above all that. Now, here I am, proud of these beads
and what they represent.
I'm sure there are people who look at me and wonder ... and perhaps are even
confused that I have changed or think the change was without struggle. I have
struggled and cried more times than anyone knows. I just do it quietly and
privately rather than the very public raging I have seen with some girls.
He knows I struggle. I'm sure he knows the issues that cause me pain and
sometimes guilt. The place I find myself in is unique. I think I have both an
easier time in some ways because He is the one who Masters me ... and harder for
the same reason.
There is a long history between us from almost the moment I came to Gor. It has
changed and evolved over time and has come to this point where in this mix of
feelings I trust him, fear him , desire him ... and more.
I am owned by one ... I am Mastered by another. I wear a collar proclaiming one
name. I am bound to another. Inextricably bound. I am His, with all that
implies.