Conservative Behavior
In public, Arabs behave conservatively. Display of affection between spouses is nonexistent.
It is a private society and display of ones feelings is kept private. You will also
notice that laughter and joking in public is toned down, which is not the case in
private gatherings. Arguments between spouses, friends, and people in general are
also kept private or conducted in a way that guarantees no one else is aware of it.
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Privacy
Because of the importance of privacy in the Arabian society, houses are built with big solid walls that maintain privacy from street traffic and the neighbors. One of the most
important considerations in building a house is the guarantee that the residents
of the house can't see their neighbors from any part of the house, thus insuring
the privacy of the neighbors. When I visit the house of an Arabian relative or
friend, the standing position I will take next to the house door should insure
that when the door is open I can't see the inside of the house.
Furthermore, I will not go inside until my host signals me to do so by extending
his right hand with his palm up saying
"Tafaddal", which means
"Come In".
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DEWANIAH, the Gathering Place
In every Arabian house, especially in the GCC region, there is a room called
"Dewaniah" or
"Majlis" for guests gatherings.
Most of these Dewaniahs are for male visitors only. The Dewaniah is usually
located close to the outside main entrance, away from the rest of the house.
Women guests gather in a room inside the house and sometimes get to their
gathering room from an outside entrance specifically assigned for female visitors.
In some parts of the Arabian region men and women who are not directly blood
relatedto each other or not married to each other don't mix. That's why there
are often separate guest gathering rooms for both genders in the same house.
In some Arabian houses this rule of gender separation is not followed.
Some Dewaniahs open on a daily basis and others once weekly. This regular gathering
is a chance for relatives, friends, and invited guests to check on each other and
converse in many subjects. It is a form of socializing where people communicate
the latest news about other relatives, economy, business, sports, politics, etc.
Tea, coffee, and sometimes a light snack are served.
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When Invited to a Dewaniah
If you are invited to a Dewaniah, you are not expected to bring food, drinks,
or gifts. Muslims pray 5 times daily where each prayer lasts for about 15 minutes:
at dawn, midday, mid-afternoon, sunset, and nightfall.
Prayers are usually held at the Islamic worship places called
"Mosques".
Regular gathering in Dewaniahs usually takes place after nightfall prayer and
sometimes between the sunset and the nightfall prayers.
Upon entering the house as you approach the Dewaniah notice the Dewaniah's door.
If shoes and sandals were left at the door by other guests, then take off your shoes.
It is customary when entering a Dewaniah or an office to greet everyone there by saying ""Alsalamo-Alikom", which means
"peace be with you" and it is the equivalent
of saying
"hello". The reply to this greeting is
"Wa'alikom Alsalam".
Once inside the Dewaniah, everyone will stand up to greet you and shake your hand.
Start with the person standing on your right side or the one who is approaching you.
If you are a first time visitor or elderly, most likely your host and the attendants
will offer you a seat at the head of the Dewaniah as a sign of respect and honor.
Some Dewaniahs are furnished with couches; traditional ones don't have couches and attendants sit on the floor. The floor is covered with Persian rugs and against the walls of the Dewaniah there are pillows to rest your back against. Notice that in both modern and traditional Dewaniahs, attendants are seated in a circle to ensure that no one is facing someone's else back. Also, remember the rule that the soles of your feet should not point directly toward someone else.
In office or Dewaniah visits you might be offered Arabian coffee, which is served in small cups without sugar or milk. The coffee server will keep filling up your cup until you signal that you are done by slightly shaking your empty cup and either saying "Bass, Shokrann", which means
"no more, thank you",
or by covering the cup with the palm of your hand while returning the cup to the
coffee server. Remember that you should always use your right hand.
It is advisable that you accept at least one cup of coffee as a way of
honoring this traditional hospitality.
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Greeting Women
When you are visiting your Arabian host's office or home and you are introduced
to a female worker or a female relative of your host, in all cases you should not
greet her with a kiss. If the woman extends her hand to greet you, you may shake
her hand; otherwise greeting with words only is appropriate.
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Admiring Objects and Gift-Giving
When you explicitly admire a possession of your Arabian host, he might feel
obligated to offer it to you even if it is of special value to him.
Admiring something should not be prolonged. When Arabs receive gifts,
it is a custom not to open it in front of the giver. The same is
expected when they give someone else a gift.
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Pampering Guests
The Arabian culture stresses the importance of honoring guests and pampering them.
The host will try his best to insure that his guests are very comfortable.
The host will serve food in excessive quantities to insure that every guest
will be fully satisfied. Another custom is that the host and his sons should
be the last ones to start eating as a sign of honoring the guests.
Also, even if the host has actually finished eating, he will continue to act
as if he is still eating until everyone else has finished. In this way,
the host insures that the guests were not rushed into finishing.
If you are invited to dinner or lunch in a restaurant, it is customary that your
Arabian host pay for it. It will leave a nice effect on your Arabian guest if
you do the same when he visits you. When you invite your Arabian partners,
note that Muslims are forbidden by the religion from consuming alcohol or
eating pork products.
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Save Face" Concept
The Arabian culture is a non-confrontational one which seeks the least conflict
possible. A concept called
"save face" is a way to solve conflicts and
avoid embarrassing or discomforting the parties involved. Saving someone's face
or dignity involves using maneuvers or holding one's reactions to give the other
party a way to exit the situation with minimal discomfort or harm to their dignity.
It involves compromise, patience, and sometimes looking the other way to allow
things time to get back to normal. The "save face" concept is looked at as a behavior of high quality ethics and manners. The Arabian culture encourages people
to act humbly and with sensitivity to a person's dignity, especially when that
person's dignity and self respect is endangered.
This concept of sensitivity is not limited to extreme situations only. For example,
when someone is pressuring an Arabian businessman into committing himself to a
matter that is not of interest or beyond his capability, he might indirectly
refuse the matter by offering to study the subject, which might be interpreted
as a yes answer. So remember, no pressure sales tactics because they cause
discomfort and might associate you as a person with unpleasant presence.
There is no separation between you as a person and the business you represent
or conduct in the Arabian world. Business is not only business.
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Men's Clothing
The majority of men in the GCC region wear a long sleeved one piece dress that
covers the whole body, called a
"Dishdashah" or "Thoub". This garment allows the air to circulate, which helps cool the body during the hotsummer days. During summer, the Dishdashah is usually made of white cotton to reflect sunlight. In winter, the Dishdashah is made from heavier fabric such as wool and comes in darker colors. With the Dishdashah men also wear a 3-piece head cover. The bottom
piece of this head covering is a white cap that is sometimes filled with holes.
This cap, called "Thagiyah", is used to hold the hair in place. On top of the Thagiyah is a scarf-like head cover that comes in two types:
a light, white head cover called "Gutrah" which is worn in summer, and a heavy red and white checked head cover called "Shumag"
which is worn during winter.
These head covers protect the head from direct sunlight and can be used to cover
the mouth and the nose during sand storms or cold weather. On top of the Thagiyah
and the Gutrah is the "Ogal", which is a black band surrounding the top of the
head to hold everything else in place. When male children reach puberty, they are taught
to wear the head covering as a sign for entering manhood. Inside the house, the head
covering is not needed; when someone has guests in his house he wears it as a sign of respect.
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Women's Clothing
The majority of Arabian women dress conservatively. Some women dress in clothes
that do not cover their faces or hair, while others cover them. For example,
a very conservative woman might wear a long black garment called
"Abayah" that
covers her body from the shoulders down to her feet. Under this cover she could
be wearing a traditional Arabian dress in full body length with long sleeves and
filled with beautiful bead work, or she could be wearing the latest style from an
internationally known designer. In addition to the Abayah, a very conservative
woman would also wear a face and head cover. Some women would wear the Abayah
without the head and face cover, while others might wear a scarf-like cover
called "Hejab" that covers the hair but not the face.
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Family Structure
In an Arabian family, gender and age plays a big role in specifying responsibilities.
The father is usually the head of the family and the provider for its needs, while
the mother plays a major role in raising children and taking care of the house.
This structure is not always the norm; in recent years, both the father and the
mother provide for family needs, while household chores are taken care
of by maids and servants. In the past, most major family decisions were
made by the father, but recently some of these decisions are made
jointly by both the fatherand the mother.
Sons and daughters are taught to follow the inherited traditions and are given responsibilities that correspond with their age and gender. Sons are usually taught to be protectors of their sisters and to help the father with his
duties inside and outside the house, while daughters are taught to be the
source of love and emotional support in the family, as well as helping
their mother to take care of household chores.
Winds of change do not spare any culture; the changes that entered the structure of some Arabian houses is not due to economical needs, but education for both men and women that is mandated by law in the Arabian countries. Education from kindergarten up to university degrees is free to nationals and sometimes residents of these Arabian countries.
Although culture, traditions, and Islam strongly stress the importance of women's roles in taking care of the house and raising children, it is a mistake to think that Arabian women are confined to this role. Before Islam there were many successful Arabian businesswomen and they still exist throughout the Arabian region, but because of cultural reasons, they conduct businessin an inconspicuous way.
Families with lots of sons and daughters still exist, but in recent years the average size of the family has decreased. A daughter lives at her family house as long as she is not married; once she is married she moves to her husband's home. Sons might move to their own houses when they get married, but at least one son will still live at the family house even if he is married in order to take care of the parents. When a woman gets married there are no changes made to any part of her name.
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Social Duties
Society members perform a number of customary social duties. When someone comes
back from a trip, his relatives, friends, and neighbors will drop by to greet him.
The same happens when someone is ill and confined to his home or staying in a
hospital. Everyone will visit him to give moral support, check on him, and
keep him company to ease his stay. When visiting an ill person, visitors
will usually bring food, chocolate, or fruits, and occasionally flowers.
Even when someone is ill and staying at the hospital, his sons, closest
relatives, or friends will show hospitality to visitors by serving
them refreshments or coffee and chocolate.
When two people get married, their relatives, friends, and neighbors will bring
gifts, which are usually either money or something that is useful for the
newly- established home. When a woman has a new baby, her relatives,
friends, and neighbors visit her to congratulate her and to present
her with gifts. The father of the new baby is also visited by his
relatives, friends, and neighbors to congratulate him. The mother
of the new baby will usually spend the first 40 days after the
delivery in her family house, where she will be taken care of
by her mother and sisters.
The Arabian culture is detail oriented. Ethics and expected social behaviors,
like generosity, respect, and caring, are not only definitions but are
translated into customs and social duties. On all the occasions I have
listed in the previous paragraph, there are customary sentences to be
said which correspond with the occasion. The following are some of
the sayings and their meanings :
When visiting an ill person - "Maa Teshoof Sharr, Ajer Waafia
In Shaa Allah"
I pray that you don't see harm, and by god's will it will be added
points to you with god and you will be cured.
When visiting someone who returned from a trip - "Al Hamdo Lillah Ala Al Salamah"
I thank god for bringing you back safe.
When visiting someone who has a new baby - "Yetrabba Be Ezzekum, Waa Allah Yajaluhoh
Min El Thorriah Al Salehah" May he/she (the new baby) be raised in your goodness and may god make him/her be a good son/daughter.
When visiting someone who is getting married - "Mabrook" Congratulations.
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References:
The Arabian Gulf / Fathi, Mahmoud - 1991
The Arab Society( Persian Gulf)/ Vader, Eddy - 1993
Learning about Arab Society/ Al-Karoum, Nizar - 1983
