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Please note that I got SOME of these quotes from RAW IS ROCK, which you can find a link to on my links page. You may not take any of these quotes without E-Mailing her or me. I typed some of them and she typed some of them (the webmaster of RAW IS ROCK). We do not want our work stolen because we each took a while typing each quote. Here are some EXTREMELY funny quotes from The Rock: THE ROCK: "Well, The Rock
says--" "The Rock says... hold that microphone up to The Rock's mouth, jabroni, before The Rock slaps the taste out of your mouth... The Rock says, Stone Cold Steve Austin, tonight is the night that you go one-on-one with The Great One. And your monkey ass is going to be made famous, compliments of The Rock. You run your mouth about how The Rock comes out here and recites his little nursery rhymes? Well, The Rock has prepared a little nursery rhyme specifically for you and it goes like this: Mary had a little lamb... Then again, piss on the lamb, piss on Mary, and piss on YOU! The Rock is going to go out there tonight and do what he does best, and that's lay the smackdown on your... roody-poo candyass! No! No! No! Don't do that. Stone Cold Steve Austin, after all is and and done, the millions..." **The crowd finishes the sentence for him** "The millions and the millions of The Rock's fans are going to realize that The Rock is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most electrifying man in sports-entertainment, and the best damn World Wrestling Federation Champion there ever was! If ya smell..." **The crowd finishes the sentence for him, again** "Hey Philly, this ain't sing-along with The Rock! The Great One says it by himself! If ya smell... what The Rock..." **Rock pauses very theatrically, lifts a hand to his face, pushed his chin down, turns his head to the side, and cocks the People's Eyebrow** "... is cookin!" The Rock and Mankind take on eachother for the WWF Title in a Last Man Standing match on Halftime Heat, at halftime of the 1999 Superbowl. Rock kicks Mankind's ass all around the arena. Finally they end up in the management offices of the arena. The phone rings and Rock picks it up, while he is still kicking Mankind's ass. Here is what he says: "Hello, Smackdown Hotel, Rock speaking... No, I'm afraid Mankind's not available right now--he's a little busy... WITH THE ROCK'S FOOT IN HIS MOUTH!" The phone rings again, a few moments later. Here is what Rock says: "Yeah, CandyAss Cafe. How can The Rock help you? No, I'm sorry, Mankind's not available right now--HE'S A LITTLE TIED UP!" Rock then wraps the telphone cord around Mankind's neck. "Well since Rock's baby left him...
He found a new place to dwell... It's down at the end of
Jabroni Drive at... Smackdown Hotellalalalalaaaa!" "Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth
about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock
says this: if The Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he
misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia
and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours,
jabroni!" "Stone Cold Steve Austin... The Rock
knows how much you like to drink. So The Rock is offering
you a couple of drinks tonight. The drinks are on The
Great One. But here's a stipulation, Austin: The Rock
says don't get drunk and pass out, or else you'll wake up
with The Rock's fist in your mouth, and his foot up your
ass!" MANKIND: "Rock, what I'm about to do
is show the millions--" The Undertaker cuts a promo to The Rock. Here is the opening line of The Undertaker's promo: "Listen young man, and I do mean young." Here is the ending line of The Undertaker's promo: "I am going to take you to the learning tree!" A couple nights later on RAW, The Rock responds to Undertaker's promo: "Undertaker, you run your mouth about how you're going to take The Rock to the learning tree. Well, you're not going to have to drag The Rock to the learning tree. The Rock will gladly go to the learning tree with you. And then he'll pause once we get there. He'll reach up and break off a branch, And he'll pick each and every leaf off of that branch. Then he'll turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candyass!" Here is another promo by The Rock directed at The Undertaker, a few nights before their WWF Title bout at King of The Ring 98: "Undertaker, do you think you impress The Rock by coming out here with your little Undertaker symbol and claiming to steal the souls of all these poor jabronis in the World Wrestling Federation? Do you think you impress The Rock by making your eyes roll up into the back of your head? Well, The Rock says, you come to King of the Ring. And you try to sacrifice The People's Champ. But instead of taking your eyes and rolling them up into the back of your head, The Rock says that you take that entire thirty-five pound head, spin it around backwards like The Exorcist, have it roll down your back, and catch it in your hands. And then, Undertaker, take your own head, yurn that sumbitch sideways... and stick it straight up your candy ass!" "Tonight The Rock is going to play
movie director, and let you see firsthand the unedited,
uncut version of The Rock's major motion picture,
entitled 'Laying The Smackdown on Your Roody-Poo Candy
Ass!' And when it's all said and done, and all the smoke
has cleared, and the millions and the millions of The
Rock's fans have finished chanting his name, the Titanic
will still be sunk, Monica Lewinsky will still love her
cigars, and The Rock will have kicked the living piss out
of Mankind!" "I don't believe this; this is a
bunch of monkey crap; they BROKE the Rock's ROLEX!" THE ROCK: "All the Rock's fans are
chanting his name..." "Like all of a sudden, nobody knows The Rock talks trash? The Rock lives, breathes, walks, talks trash all day long! As a matter of fact, Undertaker,The Rock talks trash in his sleep!" "You keep your head right there,
jabroni; don't move The Rock's electrifying T-shirt! Now
the Rock says this--The Rock said, don't move your
head!" THE ROCK:"The Rock's not even
listening to you! The Rock can't even hear himself talk,
for Christ's sake..." "You stand now, before The Rock, looking at The Rock, gawking at The Rock, wanting to go one-on-one with 'The Great One?' And now, in front of all The Rock's fans, you want to serve The Rock a great, big piece of that poontang pie?" THE ROCK: "Before you come in here
and start putting little stickers on the Rock's shirt and
putting little streamers all over the Rock, the Rock just
wants to know-- what is your name?" "Naturally, The Rock is appreciative
to all of his fans, but to you...The Rock's birthday's
May second, you stupid son of a bitch!" "You still like to cook? Still like
to bake bread? And you know your rolls,
right?" "Do you remember how, all year long,
the only thing Rock wanted to do in your class was make
pancakes?" "The Rock says this. You should know
your role, and shut your mouth; take a little walk down
Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni
Drive, and check your Aunt Jemima, no-pancake-having ass
directly into the Smackdown Hotel!" "If you wouldn't mind, Coach, The
Rock would like to do something special with that
whistle. The Rock would like to take that whistle you
got, that very whistle you just put to your lips, shine
it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick
it straight up your candy ass!" THE ROCK: "We used to kiss a little
bit...lotta tongue; you used to love the Rock's tongue,
didn't you?" "The Rock has just one thing to say
to you... poontang your ass on out of here!" "Look at you just looking at the
Rock, gawking at the Rock; you ought to be ashamed of
yourself, a woman your age looking at the Rock!" OLD LADY: "Today's my
birthday!" THE ROCK: "The Rock was minding his
own business, walking in the building; was not scheduled
to layeth the smacketh down tonight; he was singing a
happy birthday song to...uhh... what was that old lady's
name again?" "Louise, 'you like pancakes? You got
a little funny feeling in your stomach, right here, lower
abdomen? Well, it's probably gas, Louise, because a woman
your age gets that every once in a while, but the Rock
says this. There's something you can do; you go right
down to the drugstore, you buy the biggest bottle of
Maalox, you turn it sideways-- never mind,
Louise..." "Wrestlemania XV, the Brahma Bull
against the Rattlesnake. It does not get any better than
that. Stone Cold Steve Austin, as far as the The Rock is
concerned, the greatest book ever written is entitled
'The Brahma Bull vs. The Rattlesnake.' And the beauty of
this novel is that it has infinite chapters. Which means
it never ends. It also means, for the rest of your
natural life, The Rock will be kicking your monkey crap
ass all over God's Green Earth... And when it's all said
and done, all the smoke has cleared, and the millions and
the millions of The Rock's fans have finished chanting
his name... and you and The Rock float up to that big
World Wrestling Federation ring in the sky, and you
extend your hand and say, "Hey Rock, thanks for the
memories..." don't be surprised if The Rock looks at
you, raises The People's Eyebrow, shakes your hand right
back and says, 'No, Stone Cold... thank you for the
memories.' And then, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock
will take his other hand and slap the tase right out of
your mouth for being the biggest piece of Trailer Park
Trash walking God's Blue Heaven!" The Rock is interviewed by the original women involved in a presidential scandal with Bill Clinton, Gennifer Flowers. This took place before The Rock's Intercontinental Title defense against Ken Shamrock at Wrestlemania XIV (14) on March 29, 1998, live from Boston, MASS. Here is the interview: Gennifer Flowers: I'm here with the
Intercontinental Champion-- KEVIN KELLY: "I'm wondering if, at
this time, maybe you wanted to retract your
statement--" (the Rock spins on Kelly and stares at
him) "--where you called the Big Show a
jabroni." "Damn!" THE ROCK: "DX, the Rock says, he's
kicked your candy asses for years! And on to the
Radicals; on to Benoit, on to Malenko, on to Guerrero, on
to Saturn, on to Pluto, on to Nepture, on to Uranus, oh
it doesn't MATTER what your names are!" MANKIND: "I've got something
important I want to get off my chest... I don't want to
mince words, but I'm going to come right out and say
it." THE ROCK: "You think you impress the
Rock because, a couple of months ago, you were down south
beating some jabroni named Juventud?" "The Rock says, you and that jabroni you got with you, Curtis Hughes, come on out here. Jericho, you bend over, and the Rock will take the entire Curtis Hughes, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!" "You want to keep your jerk-off dad
out of The Rock's ring THE ROCK: "Let the Rock make one
thing perfectly clear. He never WANTED the Rock and Sock
Con--" MANKIND: "It's a great day because even though we
saw the postponement of Test's and Stephanie's wedding,
in some ways I feel like we just had a marriage take
place right in here!" THE ROCK: "They all want the Rock to raise the
People's Eyebrow, they all want the Rock to drop the
People's Elbow, layeth the smacketh down with the Rock
Bottom, and they want to hear without a shadow of a doubt
the most electrifying line in sports entertainment,
period. And here it is... "To BE the man, WHOOO,
you've got to beat the man..." "Last night, when The Rock swung the
sledgeahmmer, it was NOT meant for Stone Cold, but it was
meant for Triple H's roody poo, candy ass! Now Triple H,
at Survivor Series, when The Rock is whoopin' and kickin'
your monkey ass all over that arena, every single Rock
fan, just like now, they will be standing on their feet,
electricity running through their body, and they will all
be chanting The Rock's name!" (MANKIND finds the Rock in a locker room) VINCE McMAHON: "Triple H, I asked you out here
for your opinion, that's all. Do you want to face The
Rock at Survivor Series, or do you want to face Stone
Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series? What is your
opinion?" MANKIND (addressing the Rock, who is sitting in a
locker room): "Hey Rock? How could you do
that?" (the Rock looks up, then away) "How
COULD YOU?!" "Now the stage is set! Survivor Series, 1999, Triple H, the Game, facing The People's champion. Triple H, you think that The Rock will let you get away for one single solitary second? Putting a sledgehammer to these ribs? Well, these aren't just anybody's ribs. These are The ROCK's ribs, these are the GREAT ONE's ribs... and dammit, these are the PEOPLE's ribs." THE ROCK: "Austin, at Survivor Series, the Rock
says, he's gonna take your little rattlesnake..." "Triple H and Austin, in the past and in the future, the Rock has dragged both your monkey asses down that long, long boulevard called Know Your Role..." "The Rock says this: British Bulldog, you think you're just going to have your way with The Rock; you think the Rock is just another roody-poo standing on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive? At No Mercy, you're just going to go on to the WWF Title? Well, The Rock says this-- nobody cares about you! British Bulldog, it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what you are, it doesn't matter what you say; it just DOESN'T MATTER. But what matters is, British Bulldog, is that the Rock will prove his point-- they only care about ONE MAN being the WWF champion, and here in Atlanta, Georgia, now aptly named Rock-lanta, they all feel The Rock's electricity. Forty thousand of The Rock's screaming fans, all in unison, all at the same time, they all chant The Rock's name!" MANKIND: "After we spoke, I had a
little heart-to-heart with myself, I did some deep
thinking, I did some serious soul-searching, I looked at
the man in the mirror, and do you know what I saw?" THE ROCK: "What's going on with
YOU?" "X-Pac, The Rock says, you want to come down The People's Aisle carrying your little can of Energy drink? Well, seeing as you like that can so much, The Rock says, he's gonna take that little green and black can, dump all the liquid out, fill it back up with monkey piss, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!" "There is a jabroni running around
the WWF, the Rock's home, with a sock with the Rock's
face on it stuffed in his crotch! Val Venis, you think
that you impress the Rock? You stuff the sock, Rocko or
whatever you call it, in your pants? That is like blowing
your nose on the Constitution! WIPING YOUR ASS with the
American flag! The Rock says this--you think you impress
the Great One? Why? Because you've made a couple of
coom-see, coom-saw adult movies?! Well, the Rock says
this-- tonight the Rock is going to play movie director.
He's going to let you see firsthand the unedited, uncut
version, of the Rock laying the smackdown on your CANDY
ASS!" "And you walk down the Rock's ramp
and you step over the top rope, like that's supposed to
impress somebody! And then, Big Show, you do something
that is, without the shadow of a doubt, the most
impressive thing the Rock's seen, and that's this--
(lifts hand in the air, Big Show-style and moans)
huuuaaaagh!" MICHAEL COLE: "Rock... Great One...
the Big Boss Man has challenged you to a hardcore match
tonight, the winner to become number one contender for
the World Wrestling Federation title. Do you
accept?" "Now The Rock says, Vince, you want to appoint yourself the special guest referee at Survivor Series? Well, the Rock does indeed smell what you're cooking, and quite frankly, it smells like the biggest pile of monkey CRAP The Rock has ever seen! Now, The Brahma Bull and The Rattlesnake don't agree on much, but one thing we damn sure agree on-- and that is to never, AND THE ROCK MEANS never, ever, trust a ROODY POO, CANDY ASS!" "One brahma bull, two brahma bulls,
three brahma bulls... you jabronis hit the jackpot! And
then all of a sudden, you're jumping around like a bunch
of idiots-- Undertaker, with his Mickey Mouse tattoos and
his thirty-three pound head, jumping around screaming
like a girl! (mimicks a high-pitched whiny scream)...
Kane running around doing cartwheels, scaring everybody
in the casino... (pretends to put an electronic voicebox
to his throat and speaks in his retarded voice) "I
won, I won, let's party!" And the biggest goof of
them all, the Big Slow, sits there scaring all of the
Rock's fans! (imitates the Big Show's in-ring yell) And
then, the doors open and the Rock arrives..." **This is "Y2J" Chris Jericho's
debut night in the WWF. He interrupts an interview with
The Rock.** "The thought of another DX night
makes The Rock want to stick his finger down his throat
and spew the people's vomit." "Go back to Supercuts and get your
$5 back, jabroni. "It sounds to 'The Great One' that
15,000 of The Rock's fans are callin' you a slut!" "That's 10 pounds of monkey crap in
a 5 pound bag!" "Unfortuantely, he has a disease
called the lack of testicalitis!" "I kicked Kane between the legs, and
it felt like I was kicking a pillow!" "A monkey went into the ring, took a
crap, and out came Mankind!" "Why don't you take your damn sock,
put it on your hand, feel what's between your legs and
see what's there?" "Wait, wait, wait! The Rock's got
four donuts for you jabronis!" January 29, 2001 (WWF RAW IS WAR): "Kurt Angle, your gonna have to forgive The Rock for interrupting your homecoming. But The Rock couldn't help listening to what you were saying, but quite frankly The Rock came out here to correct you. Number one: to actually say that you had something to do with Mario Lamieux's return, to actually say you had something to do with Mario Lamieux's success here in Pittsburgh...let's see. How can The Rock put this nicely? Actually frankly speaking, it's the biggest bucket of penguin piss The Rock has ever seen. And secondly, you come out here and you call yourself rolemodel, hero, and champion. While all of those might be true you are forgetting to call yourself...one little thing. And thats the biggest roody-poo, bug eyed, milk-drinkin', suck ass, kiss ass, one hundred percent grade A candyass The Rock has ever seen! Kurt Angle, you show your footage of things you have said in the past. So The Rock went out...and found some footage of his own. Kurt Angle we all know you don't like pie, but do you like...pizza?" Kurt begins to answer... "Shut your mouth and roll the footage!" **Footage of an old pizza commercial with Kurt Angle in it is shown** "Kurt, what in the blue hell was that? But before you answer that, Kurt Angle earlier tonight you said 'It Doesn't Matter' who the four participants are in tonight's Fatal Four Way matchup. Did you say that?" Angle starts to answer... "It doesn't matter who you say it doesn't matter! You see Kurt Angle it does matter, it really matters because one of the participants tonight Kurt Angle, the winning participant...is The Rock. And once tonight...and once tonight The Rock wins that Fatal Four Way matchup, then you're going to go one on one with The Great One and The Rock is gonna whip that ass on Smackdown!! And once The Rock is finished whipping that ass you can come back to Pittsburgh as an ex-champion, as a ex-hero with your big fat mouth and all your glory and one big pizza and *kiss* Mamamia, stick it straight up your candyass! If ya smell....." **Rock is interupted** RAW IS WAR: January 15, 2001-- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's Birthday: The Rock's Tribute To Martin Luther King Jr. "The Rock has dreeam, has a dreeam that he's winning the Royal Rumble, going on to Wrestlemania and from coast to coast, Wisconsin to China, and back to Wisconsin! Sea to shining sea, The Rock one more time on top of the mountaintop, WWF Champion! And you see just like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream, well we all have dreams, but there has been one dream that has become a reality to The Rock, one dream thats becoming true to The Rock. Day after day, night after night, 24 hours a day,.... 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and that one dream is The Rock forever whipping ass, whipping ass....Thank God Almighty, The Rock is whipping ass! If ya smell....what The Rock is cooking!" "Big Show, you think you impress the
Rock? Let the Rock make something perfectly clear to you.
You have NEVER, and the Rock means NEVER, impressed the
Rock. From the time your crappy music hits-- (sung) well,
it's the Big Slow-- (spoken) and every single Rock fan
stops, pauses, and takes a look, and they all say this:
I'm going to take a leak; this guy sucks!" MANKIND: "If the Undertaker and the
Big Show can find the testicular fortitude to put their
tag team titles on the line tonight, Mankind would like
to become The People's Partner! Just think about it,
Rock-- Mankind and the Rock together, with the millions
(pause) and millions of the Rock's fans, and the dozens
(pause) of Mankind's fans; together, we will stand side
by side and lay the smackdown--" "The Rock says this-- Big Show, you come on down (starts moaning in mockery of the Big Show)-- you do all that. Undertaker, you come on down (rolls eyes up in his head) -- die, die, die; all that stupid crap over and over again!" "Kane, you think you impress the Rock when your music hits, and all the lights go out? You've got fire coming out of the posts, fire shooting out of your ass..." "Kane can talk! The Big Red Retard can finally speak!" THE ROCK: "My name is Kane... and I
am a roody-poo candy ass!" "You like champagne with little
bubbles. 'You like bubbles? Well, bubble your ass out of
here!" THE ROCK: "The Rock says this,
Michael Cole jabroni! How do you feel about the
match?" "Where are you, Triple H? Maybe you're in the women's bathroom! Well, you're not in here, but The Rock knows you pee sitting down!" THE ROCK: "Triple H, you've got five
seconds, AND THE ROCK MEANS five seconds, to come out
here and face the Rock, or the Rock will go back there,
and whip your monkey ass all over the Fleet Center!"
"Shawn Michaels, The Rock says this: you run your mouth, you little jabroni roody-poo! You run your mouth: (whines) Well, the sherriff's in town! The sherriff's back in town!" "Friends? Uh-uh, absolutely not. The Rock is gonna layeth the smacketh down on ALL their candy asses! (turns to Mankind) And make no mistake about it; the Rock will take that goofy mask you got on, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!" (Mankind winces) "Undertaker, The Rock wants you to come out, and The Rock will admire all your little Mickey Mouse tattoos. (pause for crowd chants) And then, Big Show, as you're bent over, Undertaker, the Rock says you take your thirty-three pound head, turn that sum-bitch sideways, and stick it straight up Big Show's ass!" "And the Undertaker; you think you
impress somebody? Well the Rock's-- get a shot of the
Rock on the screen!" MICHAEL COLE: "Socko!" "Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth
about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock
says this: if the Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he
misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia
and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours,
jabroni!" "This was the chick who went ahead
and massaged your little bitty pimply ass for an hour,
but not with the oriental, herbal, ass-leaves, whatever
the hell you were talking about, for this chick rubbed
your ass with the People's poison ivy!" "And right before your match with
the Great One, you're gonna stand behind the curtain, and
your music will start-- (sung) Well, I'm an
asshole!" THE ROCK: "Or, the Rock figured he
could walk down the People's ramp, just like this...
surrounded by the millions (pause) of the Rock's fans,
all chanting his name! (crowd chants) Find some jabroni
to hold his glasses... come here, jabroni. Hold the
Rock's glasses. Maybe embarrass him on national TV... how
you doing? IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOU'RE DOING!!" THE ROCK: "If you smeeeell what the
Rock is cooking!" THE ROCK: "He's crying like a woman;
he should be going after the women's title. Shut up,
Michael Cole!" MICHAEL COLE: "Welcome, Rock!" "Who is booking this crap? The Rock against Billy Gunn; The Rock against Gangrel. Next week, they'll be having the Rock laying the smackdown on The Brooklyn Brawler, for Christ's sake." Big Show, last night on Sunday Night Heat, you did something you should never have done, and that was put your big, sweaty palms on the People's Champion." THE ROCK: "They're chanting the
Rock's name; shut up, Michael Cole, and listen!" Rock and Kevin Kelly Christmas Edition of RAW IS WAR: "Afraid? Afraid? Kevin Kelly you actually stand there and ask The Rock is he afraid of taking the last ride from the Undertaker. Well let The Rock remind you of a couple of things. You see The Rock has already taken the last ride from Undertaker and considering how The Rock felt after taking the last ride, The Rock will just assume as to avoid the last ride all together. And even though The Rock respects the Undertaker, even though The Rock can see right past Vince McMahon's little games he's trying to play. Despite all that, the fact still remains that The Rock is afraid of NO ONE! But you see The Rock doesn't want to talk about what he is afraid of, no. The Rock wants to talk about what makes him happy. Seeing as this is Christmas.... and seeing as this is Christmas..it reminds The Rock of his very favorite Christmas story enitled, 'Rocky, The People's Reindeer'. You see Rocky, the reindeer was very large and very tall, and unlike Kevin Kelly he actually had a set of balls. All the other jabroni reindeer used to be so jealous and look at him in vain because they couldn't stand the fact that all the people would be chanting his name........Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa was drunk and full of gas. So Rocky took his big bag of toys and shoved them straight up Santa's candyass! You see Undertaker, considering this is Christmas and The Rock has more thing to say....'You better...not laugh, better not cry, better not pout Rock's tellin' you why. Brahma Bull is coming to town.' Undertaker...never ever forget that your yard will always be on the People's planet. Merry Christmas Undertaker! Merry Christmas!" "And just like your wife, Stephanie,
is a bargain basement bitch!" "We do slapstick... steel chairs,
garbage cans... and our guys live to fight another
day." "Let The Rock get this straight. You
invited The Rock to speak at the Republican National
Convention? Well, The Rock says this: What is the matter
with you people? "He is an extremist who represents a
very radical group, and if they don't like The Rock of
the WWF... that is why they make channel changers." "The Rock says you absolutely
suck." |