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Mordenkainen's Faithful, Unwavering, Incontrovertible Truths Ever find yourself frustrated with the people you "meet" on the internet? Especially if you're a "fan" of something, i.e. you really enjoy something? Ever wonder in amazement how utterly childish and idiotic some people seem to be? If so, you're not alone. Heralded a decade ago as a brave new world of self-expression, the internet - especially areas where anyone can say, write, post, or express anything, such as chat rooms, personal websites, message boards and guestbooks - has become a textbook example of how absolute democracy is not always a good thing. The more angry, the more disgruntled, the more disenfranchised, the more eccentric, and indeed the more mentally ill a person is, the more likely he or she is to seek out the internet, where, like the Foreign Legion of old, they can assume a new identity, and say and do anything they want. Accordingly, old pedophiles can hit on middle-schoolers. Teeny-boppers can post photos of themselves in bikinis, and pass themselves off as temptresses and sex goddesses. Bitter loners and losers like the Columbine kids can suddenly become "big men" via the anonymity of the internet. People who are unemployed (and often unemployable, due to their temperament) can rail against corporate America, pretending to be Libertarian leaders who are sticking it to the Man. And people who can't get their opinions published, and can't get jobs where they're allowed to express or teach their opinion to others... can always sign up for a blog or a message board, and volunteer it for free. Director Kevin Smith said it best: "The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies. That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." To survive in this Wild, Wild West of cyber-space, especially if you're a fan of something (the more genre-specific, i.e. geekier, the more likely the net is to be filled with people complaining about it) these helpful truths are provided. Simply keep the following in mind as you merrily surf along: - If someone's personal opinion has any great substantive value, someone else will be paying them for it, and they won't have time to volunteer it for free on the internet. - Anyone can type anything into a box on a screen and hit "Enter" without a cyber-nun rapping their knuckles. The internet is therefore inherently unreliable. No matter how accurate much information may actually be, the medium itself is still unreliable. For example, I can accurately type the name of the capitol of France. But nothing exists to prevent me from claiming that it's Jersey City, not Paris. A 12-year-old net-surfer from Malaysia might not know the difference. - Passing along factual data out of kindness (or boredom) is unrelated to "opinion." Thus if you helpfully pass along a fact that you know to be true, and someone gets in your face saying "that's your opinion!" or "Prove it!" .......simply shake your head, and ignore them. They are not worth your time. Middle-schoolers, shut-ins, and mental health consumers have no power over you. The ONLY acceptable response from them should have been "Thank you sir/ma'am - now I know." - Incorrect data can be provided innocently (a simple mistake, human error, misinformation, faulty memory, etc.) .... or maliciously. Developing the ability to distinguish between the two is the beginning of critical thinking. - It is impossible to "win" an argument on the internet. Click here to see why. - If you discover that an "opinion-expresser" online seems overly-opinionated, can't spell, can't form correct sentences, is overly negative, uses verbally abusive language, or just likes to impertinently "answer back," they are either A) just maliciously making things up (e.g. a certain show or actor is "bad," a certain character is secretly gay because some fan says they are, etc.) to promote some personal agenda, or B) just too dumb to realize how wrong they are. Shun them, ignore them, avoid them at all costs. There is nothing of value to be gained by trying to convince them of anything, nor do you even benefit in any tangible way if they agree with you. Their opinion is irrelevant; that's why they have to volunteer it for free on the internet, which is the virtual equivalent of a wall in a men's room.
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The more vigorously, emotionally, and violently a fan lobbies for something to happen, or protests something that has already occured, the more said fan's hopes will be dashed, and the more the opposite of what said fan desires is likely to transpire.
Tasha's Hideous, Uncontrollable Axiom of Self-Reflection (Click here for examples)
The more forcefully someone alleges something unsubstantiated, the more likely one is to be in denial about oneself.
Leomund's Tiny Corollaries of Inverse Proportions
1) The more negatively a person (often hiding behind an anonymous handle on the internet) criticizes the work of a more successful, better educated, more experienced and/or better-credentialed professional or artist, the less likely said person's "opinion" is to have any actual value or validity.
2) The more someone (as above, often hiding behing a "handle") tries to confront or answer back impertinently to individual fans with personal comments or attacks, or immature or vulgar language, or tries to obfuscate legitimate data with cries of "It's your opinion," or "I need to see a link!" or "You just think you're right all the time," or "You should take your own advice" (or other excessive use of the word "you") the less value one's opinion actually has.
3) The more one attempts to provoke arguments with other fans, the less credibility one's opinion has, and this permeates the entire opinion, however civilly its other adherents may express themselves.
In conclusion, if some fan is getting in your face about something, just remember: this is someone who is too much of a loser to even try to impress other losers at a sci-fi convention! Instead, they're pretending to be a big man, or a self-appointed expert, from behind the shield of a modern-day CB handle, and almost certainly look like this.
Although...metaphorically, they may in fact look more like this. |
