1 Thessalonians 1:2-3
But there is an elite group, hidden behind the "Great Man of God" that we seldom think about, or even notice, in some cases. She is there to encourage the pastor or evangelist. She often is the one that first hears the sermons we later hear, to give it a "thumbs-up" or a "thumbs-down." She is the one who comforts her pastor/evangelist/missionary husband when the days and weeks are hard--when the crowds don't respond, and the offering is not enough to meet the monthly bills, and a church member has jumped all over him about something insignificant, and he has quietly and in a Christ-like manner had to "take it."
Naturally I speak about the woman behind the man...the pastor's wife (or missionary, evangelist, etc.). She is the silent partner who takes what we don't see, who prays long hours for her husband, and makes things in the home the best she can when he comes home from an exhausting day. She's the one who encourages him in his work for God when he feels he is getting nowhere and nothing is happening...or it seems in his eyes...and quietly reminds him that he is right where God called him to be...planting seeds of Truth that are, even now, working, but appear fruitless.
It is she who listens quietly as he unloads on her, but keeps her burdens to herself not wanting to burden him.
She is usually a very important part of the church but not by what she DOES that is seen, but what she spends hours behind the scenes doing every day of her life, usually without appreciation, acknowledgment, or recognition. Especially in the case of a pastor in the same church, year after year, she must be very careful to be friendly, but discreet, lest her words be misunderstood, and the gossip be a harm to his ministry. She is warm, friendly, caring, but must be very careful to not show partiality so she is often labeled a "snob" because she does not accept invitations to a few members who ask lest the ones who do not ask, they say she is cliquish and has favorites. She rarely has a "good" friend because she never knows who can be trusted to keep her confidences and not spread the thoughts here and there opening her to gossip and her husband's work to ridicule.
So what's the point? If YOU are the "woman behind the man" come in and receive uplifting and understanding, and encouragement from other ladies who sit where you do. We hope you leave refreshed and ready to meet another week.
Are you a woman interested in learning what the life of these women is like? Come in and learn. But one thing I hope you will take away with you is a new appreciation for your pastor's wife and her very difficult role. Make a point to shake her hand warmly after service. Tell her you appreciate her. Arrange a luncheon, or tea, with as many women in your church, in her honor, now and then. Make her know that she's not taken for granted.
To those who know or support missionaries... send a card to them and a special recognition to the wife and children. Find out their birthdays and send a card...Put a little something in the envelope for them if you can. Remember that they are out there separated from everything they know and are comfortable with...the husband is often busy with his rounds, teaching, or whatever he does, the children make friends at school, but it is often the wife who is lonely, homesick, and maybe even a little depressed, but is sure to have a sweet smile on her face and no trace of the tears she shed that day when her husband gets home. Show them in a tangible way that you care. Maybe a package once or twice a year filled with things they cannot get where they live...little things we take for granted: a local newspaper, sweets, gum, and the like small toys for the children, or articles of clothing appropriate for the climate they are in. Be creative and show you care.
Now that I have bent your ears, and hopefully NOT run you off, enter the world of the spouse of a full-time minister and hear from their own hand what they have endured, in some cases suffered, and in the need of a friend. You can privately be her friend with notes of encouragement. If your church is small and the pastor has to work, slip her $10 or $20 to spend on her or the children. Be a secret pal and remember her on her birthday, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, and other times when she may feel particularly vulnerable. Your kindness will go a long way in boosting her and in return you will be blessed with a happier, more confident and relaxed pastor because he can see in his wife's eyes the contentment and attention she's longed for and never dared ask for.
Now I will HUSH and ask you to enter our lovely Garden Of Ministry and meet some of these women that represent the millions around the world who feel as they do. I am relatively certain that if asked, very few of them would say they would trade places with any of us, for they have been anointed and called into service as much as their husbands.
With loving care for those special women of God,
Jeannie, ptl
Mary Beth's Story
Erin's Story
By
Bruce DeBoer
copyright 2000 with his consent