Erin's Story
Can I be just a little transparent here today?
Why cannot people in our congregations realize that we are real people, with real needs and real hurts, walking the same paths they walk, and struggling with the same issues they do? Yet, sometimes, to confess or confide with women in our congregations opens us to gossip, or even worse, censure.
Did you realize at the outset just how lonely this life can be at times? I didn't! Our husbands, bless them, bear so many burdens. Some of them they can share with us to help ease their own load; but other burdens they keep to themselves, knowing that it would be too great for us to bear.
In my life, too, sometimes the things that grieve me, I keep back from my husband's knowledge; not because he doesn't care or doesn't want to know, but because I don't want to become another pressure on him. And I really cannot share deeply with the women of my congregation--not that there aren't any sincere, godly women of prayer and faith--but too often I have observed and experienced "stealth attacks" from women who love to know (and share!) too much information about my family and the inner workings thereof!
Perhaps some of you are thinking, "Erin, Erin... you need to open up and trust more!" Well~ it isn't exactly a lack of trust; rather, being cautious based on my knowledge of human nature, as confirmed in Psalm 118:8 - "It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man."
I'm not saying that having friends within the congregation is wrong--but over the past several years I've observed a few truths when pastors' wives do this:
1. There becomes a distinction between the "Inner Circle" of friends, and everyone else.
2. Jealousies originate when fleshly, power- or position-oriented people aren't part of that so called "inner circle."
3. Pride builds when fleshly, power- or position- oriented people ARE part of the "inner circle."
4. Marginal people feel unwanted or unloved.
SO who then can we confide in? We don't want to be untouchable or aloof, but at the same time, we can't just babble unwisely to people who may have hidden motives. It's a fine line to walk, isn't it? We can always confide in our Father Who loves us. And He will always give us what we need, whether it be a friend or a trustworthy confidante--or sometimes, we need to learn anew to cast all our cares upon Him, rather than sharing with a fallible human being(1 Peter 5:7).
Lord, I pray You would give me and my sister pastors' wives WISDOM (James 1:5)-- that we would not be aloof, but rather love our brothers and sisters fervently from our hearts (1 Peter 1:22). At the same time, I pray that we would not put our trust in man, but in You (Psalm 118:8); even as You Yourself did not entrust yourself to any man (John 2:24-25). Lord, this is a difficult thing for us to achieve balance in. We cannot accomplish this in and of ourselves. Holy Spirit, please give us the grace to do this in Your power. We ask this in Jesus' name.
Smiles and blessings to you~
Love,
Erin
