Title:  The Measure of the Man

Author:  Joolz

Feedback:  If you like J joo[email protected]

Category:  GEN, angst, challenge

Rating:  PG

Season/Spoilers:  4ish/none

Notes:  My thanks to Sharon and Catspaw for their diligent work helping me make the story better, and also for their support and encouragement.  Thank you so much!

Challenge:  Caught in the act

Summary:  The shadows from our past may haunt us, but they don’t define us.

Warnings:  mentions child abuse

Disclaimer:  Not my lovely characters, just playing with them.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The Measure of the Man

By Joolz

 

The people of this planet where pretty far along the friendly side of the spectrum: a whole delegation had come to meet SG-1 at the Stargate and were now making the five mile journey back to the village over rocky, mountainous terrain.  It was a good thing that the four of them were used to strenuous exercise because this was no walk in the park. Still, everyone seemed to be in a festive mood, and even Jack felt his spirits lighten as the day went on.

 

The sky was a more purple hue than on Earth, but that went well with the slightly more bluish leaves of the trees overhead.  As the entourage wound its way toward the Comeeta village, Jack breathed deeply of the rich air and allowed himself to watch his companions. 

 

Daniel was walking in front of him, a small tousled head resting on his shoulder.  Their archaeologist had offered to take the boy from his mother when the four year old had fallen asleep in her arms and now he was taking great care with his footing so as not to slip or jostle the child.

 

Jack noticed how solid Daniel looked; the broad shoulders bearing the weight of the pack and the child without complaining, the long muscular legs exuding energy and strength as he seemed to float from step to step, from rock to rock.  Daniel may have been a late bloomer physically, but he was more than making up for it now.  He looked as fit and graceful as a man ten years younger.

 

In front of Daniel Carter was barely watching where she was going as she talked a mile a minute with the woman beside her.  Apparently what passed for scientists in this culture were all women and the Major had found a kindred spirit. 

 

She looked really good, too.  Since the three men on the team were all so tall, Jack sometimes forgot that Carter was rather statuesque for a woman.  She was a head taller than her companion but maintained eye contact with her as much as possible.  She fairly bubbled with excitement as her hands flew in illustration of what she was saying– effervescent, that was the word.  Physically Carter was probably in the prime of her life right now and was taking advantage of it to explore and learn as much as she could.  She was a teammate to be proud of in pretty much every way.

 

Beyond the two women Teal’c was also engaged in communication.  His interlocutor was another child, this one riding in her father’s arms and peeking over his shoulder to check out the extremely large, extremely dark figure walking behind them.  From his place further back in the line Jack couldn’t see exactly what Teal’c was doing to amuse the girl so much, but judging from the repeated explosions of giggles he inferred that she was being treated to the full range of humorous Jaffa expressions.  Lucky little girl.  Teal’c usually reserved them for very special occasions, such as showing his approval of Daniel’s talent for driving Jack crazy.

 

Teal’c was just a walking mountain of muscle and bone.  Considerations of age and strength seemed irrelevant when applied to him.  Jack wondered what it must be like to live so long and to never know weakness or illness.  True, Teal’c worked to maintain his physique, but in the same way that he breathed or ate.  It was just part of him.   He moved confidently, aware of every detail around him and fully integrated into his environment.

 

Jack sighed.  This train of thought led inevitably to his own physical state.  Jack was still strong and with any luck he always would be.  He wasn’t, however, as strong as he used to be.  The recurrent twinges in his knees as he stepped up a boulder or down an incline were constant reminders. 

 

But aside from that he couldn’t really complain.  Life was good, today at least, and he could feel the blood rushing in his thighs as his legs did their job carrying him through this world.  He felt vibrant and glad to be there.  He was thankful, if mildly surprised, that they had all come through so much and were still more or less intact and being useful.

 

Jack noticed that the scene directly in front of him had changed.  The tyke in Daniel’s arms had woken up and pushed back to stare directly into Daniel’s face, eyes wide with sleepy amazement.  The man spoke softly to him, “Hello, Cobby.  Is it all right if I carry you for a while?  It seemed like you were maybe a little bit tired to make this long walk all on your own.”

 

The round head with dark hair and eyes nodded hesitantly, then Cobby decided that Daniel was all right and threw his body forward to lock his arms around Daniel’s neck.  The boy rubbed his small face against Daniel’s shirt as he finished waking up, and then went exploring.  That meant trying to climb up onto Daniel’s shoulder, over the top of his head and down his back.

 

Jack grinned as he watched his friend go through squirmy-child-holding contortions as he sought a firm grip on the wriggling mass of energy.  Daniel finally settled the matter by lifting Cobby onto his shoulders where he could sit with his hands locked into Daniel’s short hair and see everything that was happening.

 

Jack sensed someone come up beside him and turned to greet Master Folney, one of the village elders.

 

The older man nodded to him.  “Colonel O’Neill, I do hope that you won’t be disappointed by your visit to us.  I’m afraid that we don’t have much to offer you.”

 

He shook his head.  “Call me Jack, please.  Don’t worry Master Folney, you’ve already given us more than you know.”

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

 

Two days later the team had settled into their tasks.  Major Carter was deep in discussion with a woman who was an expert on local geology.  While the native had nothing approaching formal education, Carter was more than satisfied with her practical and observational knowledge.  There was a plant-lady that the Major was planning to grill as well.

 

Teal’c was being shown around by a group of young men of the perfect age to be impressed by his size, skill and regal demeanor.  They were explaining local geo-politics and trying to show off their martial talents, and Teal’c was enjoying the adulation immensely.

 

Daniel had been led to a ruined building several miles from the village which was believed to have housed something like a library and was not expected to emerge until they had to go home two days from now.

 

And Jack?  Well, he’d gone with Daniel, of course.  Not that there was much for him to do at the ruin, but letting Jackson go off by himself was so not an option that it didn’t even occur to him.  Keeping the obsessive scientist fed, watered and out of trouble was a full time job in itself.

 

Actually, there wasn’t much to do in the way of feeding and watering, either.  One of the women, Cobby’s mother, had been assigned to go with them to cook for and generally pamper the visitors, a luxury that Jack was thoroughly enjoying.

 

And Cobby was beside himself with glee.  He had attached himself to Daniel like a leech, throwing temper tantrums when forced to go to bed or do anything that removed him from his hero’s side.  Daniel had given him a pad of paper and a pen to keep him occupied while he worked.

 

Daniel had given Jack a large sheet of paper and a piece of lead to keep him occupied while he worked, too.  After the perimeter was checked and re-checked Jack was glad to help take rubbings from the deteriorated walls.  The physical activity kept him from getting antsy and also kept him within observation range of his charge.

 

Out of the corner of his eye Jack watched as Daniel would video-tape a section of wall or pillar and then mumble to himself as he scribbled in his notebook.  At short intervals a small voice would pipe up, “Look what I drew, Daniel!” to be answered with a distracted, “That’s nice, Cobby.  Why don’t you make me another?”  

 

Jack finished his rubbing and went to get a clean piece of paper.  As far as the boy was concerned, Jack wasn’t even there.  Every cell of his body was focused on Daniel.

 

“What you doing?”

 

“I’m reading what it says here on the wall.”

 

“Daniel go swimming with me?  I show you the very best pond anywhere.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow, Cobby.  I’m working today.”

 

As the adults concentrated the child moved restlessly around the ruin.

 

“Daniel, what’s this?”

 

Jack saw that the boy was pulling on a stone tablet that had been leaning against the wall.  Daniel looked up and his eyes widened.  “Don’t touch that, Cobby, it’s very delicate.  And heavy.  You could get hurt.”

 

The boy’s curiosity was not assuaged.   He poked at the artifact with his foot.  “But what is it?”

 

Suddenly Daniel’s voice sharpened and increased in volume.  “I said don’t touch that.  Didn’t you hear me?”

 

The child froze in place, wide eyes fixed on Daniel.

 

Jack was surprised by the tone.  It was very rare that the younger man was anything but gentle, with the exception of Goa’uld baiting or that particular dry mocking tone he used so effectively on Jack.  Jack put his pencil down and turned to observe the situation more closely.

 

Daniel had stopped working too and was standing with the notebook in his hands and his back to the other two.  After a moment he said more softly, “Cobby, why don’t you go outside and draw a picture of a tree?”

 

The child’s lip trembled.  “Want to stay here!”

 

“All right, then.  Would you please play quietly?  I have a lot of work to do.”    After standing for another moment, Daniel lifted the video camera and started on another section of wall.  Cobby squatted down to draw in the dirt with a stick, and with a frown Jack returned to his rubbing.

 

A few minutes later there was a loud thud and a crack.  The boy was standing over the tablet, which was now laying on the ground and broken in two.  His face screwed up and he stuttered, “S..s..s..sorry.  W..w..wanted to help.”

 

As Daniel took three steps forward the tension emanating from his body put Jack on alert.  The archaeologist stopped just short of where Cobby stood trembling, then turned abruptly toward the door.  With a steady, controlled pace he drew alongside where Jack was standing and paused.  Without meeting Jack’s eyes he asked quietly, “Would you please watch Cobby for a while?” and then disappeared out into the sunshine.

 

Jack stared after him, wanting nothing more than to follow and find out what the heck was going on, but there was someone else who needed tending first.

 

“Well, kid.  Looks like it’s just you and me.”

 

The disdain in the small brown eyes conveyed very clearly that Jack was not an adequate substitute.  “Daniel mad at me?”

 

Jack went over and squatted in front of him to speak at eye level.  “No, Cobby, Daniel isn’t mad at you.  He just needed to do some things on his own.  What say we go find your mother?  I think she was going to make some of those seed cakes this afternoon.”

 

A small lip protruded.  “Don’t want to.  Want to play with Daniel.”

 

“Well, you know what?  I happen to know that Daniel really likes those cakes a lot.  I bet your mother would let you make a special one just for him.  How about we go ask?”  Jack held his hand out in invitation.

 

Glumly, the small boy nodded and took the offered hand. 

 

++++++++++++++++

 

 

It took a while to find mom and get Cobby settled into his project.  That was one stubborn little cuss.  No wonder he was drawn to Daniel Jackson, one stubborn big cuss.

 

Once Jack was excused from child care he scouted around and eventually found Daniel sitting on a boulder with a scenic view of…another boulder.  The younger man was lost in thoughts obviously not of a happy nature.  Jack settled himself on the other stone and announced his presence.  “Daniel.”

 

Daniel launched directly into the subject.  This was apparently not going to be one of those pulling-teeth-to-get-him-to-talk sessions.

 

“Jack, I think that I should stay away from children from now on.  I’m not good with them.”

 

“Oh?  Why do you say that?”

 

Daniel shot him an angry look, but angry with whom he couldn’t tell.

 

“Because, Jack, I almost hit him.  Okay?  I almost hit him.”  Daniel looked at the ground again, all fight gone out of him.  “I could just feel this pressure growing and I could see myself….  I wanted to….”  He fell silent again.

 

Jack took a deep breath.  He was concerned for his friend but this was a touchy issue.  They sat for a moment then Jack ventured a question.

 

“Tell me a little bit about what it was like for you as a kid.  Were your folks ever rough with you?”

 

Daniel slumped further and rubbed his forehead with his hands, but he did answer.  “From what I remember of my parents, no.  They could be very directive.”  Daniel smiled wryly.  “When my Dad told me to do something he meant it.  But I don’t have any memory of them hitting me.”  He glanced at Jack and away.  “Later, though….”

 

Jack kept his voice calm and interested.  “Go on.”

 

Daniel sighed loudly and fidgeted for a moment.  “The first foster home I was in, well, I was a difficult child.”

 

Jack shook his head.  “I doubt very much that you were a ‘difficult’ child.  Maybe scared and upset by the loss of your parents, but that’s normal.  What happened?”

 

Daniel was searching avidly for more fascinating boulders in the area.  He went on casually, “Mr. Collins did use physical discipline with me.”

 

“As in?”

 

Daniel finally looked at him.  “Okay, he hit me.  More than he probably needed to.  It went on until one day my social worker walked in and saw him knock me half way across the room. Caught him in the act.  She took me away with her the same day.  That was the only time, though.  Really, all the other foster parents I had were good people trying to help out.  No one ever hit me again, but I kept looking at them and wondering if some time they would.  And now here I am.  I came this close,” he indicated an inch with his fingers, “to doing it myself.”  He finished bitterly, “Me and Mr. Collins.  Always nice to learn something like that about yourself.”

 

Jack leaned forward to try to hold Daniel’s eyes.  “Give yourself a break.  Kids aren’t always easy to handle.”

 

The response began with a snort.  “Oh, that’s easy for you to say.  You’re good with children.  You would never hurt one.  You would never have hurt Charlie, I know that.”

 

“You’re right,” Jack replied seriously, “I would never have hurt Charlie on purpose, or Sara either.  There were times though, Daniel, when I came close.”  Jack ignored the skepticism on Daniel’s face and continued.  “Sometimes I would come home from Special Ops missions and, shall we say, my head wasn’t always in a good place.  I would walk in to that normal American suburban household and all the talk would be of car pools and how the neighbor wrecked the lawn mower, and Charlie would want to make up for all the attention he missed when I was away.  There were times when I had to do exactly what you did today:  walk away for a while until I could trust myself with them again.”

 

Daniel’s face had pulled into a deep frown as he listened.  “I don’t think it’s the same thing,” but he didn’t sound as sure.

 

“Close enough.  The measure of a man, Daniel, isn’t in what he thinks about doing or wants to do, it’s in what he actually does.  You caught yourself before you acted.  That’s the important thing.”

 

Daniel’s head cocked and he looked almost amused.  “Have you been spending time with Shifu without telling me?”

 

Jack chuckled, “It’s no great revelation.  Everyone who has kids finds this out for themselves one way or another.  Danny, you were aware of the impulse and controlled it.  You may want to look at that some more, but I don’t think you’re a danger to children.  In fact, I think you’re darn good with them.  Cobby seems to agree with me about that.”

 

Now Daniel looked back at Jack with a mixture of relief, hope and continuing concern.  “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, I’m sure.  Don’t be afraid to spend time with Cobby.  You learn by doing.  That’s the only way.”

 

Daniel stood and shook his arms to release some of the tension in his shoulders.  “Okay.  I think it’s time for me to go see if Cobby forgives me.”

 

Jack got to his feet and grinned.  “Oh, I don’t think that’s in question.  In fact, I believe that he’ll have a special surprise waiting for you.”

 

A new kind of concern graced Daniel’s expressive features.  “Uh, Jack, did you have anything to do with this surprise?”

 

“Well, yes, but it’ll be good anyway.  At least it won’t be so bad that you can’t pretend that it’s good.”

 

Droll Daniel was back.  “How reassuring.”

 

They made their way to the camp area and Cobby jumped up from the campfire as they approached.  He came running over on his little legs waving something in his hand, shouting, “I made it!  I made it!  For Daniel!”

 

Cobby’s mother admonished affectionately, “Cobby!  Let Daniel sit down and then you can give it to him.”

 

The boy grabbed Daniel’s hand and pulled him toward the fire, leaving Jack standing ignored in the dust.   As Daniel settled onto a stool the four year old clambered up to sit on his thigh and presented his gift.  “I made it myself!”

 

Daniel took the crumbly, shapeless mound of cake and said seriously, “Thank you very much, Cobby.  It was very nice of you to make this for me.  I love it.”  Daniel wrapped his arms around the boy and pulled him gently to his chest.  Jack watched as he held him there, eyes closed, breathing deeply. 

 

The child accepted the embrace for a minute, but was soon squirming.  Daniel loosened his hold and looked down into the innocent face.  “Cobby, you do know that I love you, don’t you?”

 

After nodding impatiently he cajoled, “Go swimming now?”

 

Daniel looked questioningly at the woman, who smiled indulgently. “I think that would be all right.  But be back in an hour for dinner.”

 

As the boy bounced on his knee, Daniel turned to Jack.  “Um, do you think the translation could wait until tomorrow?”

 

Jack answered deadpan, “I never thought I would hear those words from your mouth.  Is the sky falling?”

 

“No.”

 

“Must be.”

 

“Is not.”

 

Another voice broke in, “Come ON!”

 

+++++++++++++++

 

 

As the four stepped back onto the ramp, the rotund General was waiting in the Gate Room. 

 

“Welcome back, SG-1.  How was the mission?”

 

As Jack answered for all of them the others nodded in agreement.  “Well, General, this mission was a complete success.  Teal’c was the big hit.  I think if we had stayed any longer they would have made him King.  Carter here played happily with rocks and posies and made tons of new friends.  Daniel met someone even more annoying than I am and they got along great.”  He shot a glance and a wink in Daniel’s direction.  “And me, I’m just glad we all made it back in one piece for once.”

 

“Did you find anything that will help us against the Goa’uld?”

 

“Not a damn thing, Sir.  All the same, a complete success.”

 

 

The end

 

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