March 6, 2001

Tuesday

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

                    Jeremiah 29:12-13

so lots of you have been wondering why i haven't updated in such a long time. basically, there's been a lot of things going on in my life...lots of decisions that need to be made...lots of issues that need ironing out.

uncertainty in life is a given. 

but sometimes, don't you wish life was full of big bright flashing red arrows to point you in the right direction?

these days it seems like i'm taking a multiple choice test on life. only my choices aren't just a, b, c, and d. there are those nifty aa, ab, ac, ad...aba, abb, abc...etc. possibilities as well. not only that, these multiple choice questions have like 234 parts to it.

i've made about 7 lists so far on what i should do with my life in the next few months. some lists were pro/con. others were "if i stay in berkeley...then my plan for the following year is..." and i literally mapped out what i would do every month for the next year. haha! let me tell you right now - i'm a list-maker and a lay-out-my-options-on-the-table kinda gal. so yeah. here's some heartbreaking news - i had to drop my harding elementary school gig. yup. that's right. no more kendrick and olivia, my two sweet mentees. and you know what sucks even more? that i had to give it up for the evil green. yup. moola. i need more of it. so i gotta work. that's life, right?

anyways - are any of your parents or anything gonna fly up for your graduations or anything? cause i still have my $266 credit at southwest so i can buy it in your parents name and you'd be doing me a favor....just thought i would throw that out again...

you know easter's coming soon. lent started. it's still hard for me to picture the life of Christ the month before his crucifixion. i'm trying to spend a lot of time daily reflecting on all of this...it's so hard for me to swallow sometimes...it's seems unbelievable - but then again, if it were something ordinary then that would mean just about anyone could have done it. so it IS supposed to be extraordinary. and dawg gone it, it sure is.

how do you know when you're making the right choices? (rhetorical question) i mean, i feel like my life is made up of a huge gigantic tree with millions of branches - each branch symbolizing a different path my life could have taken had i made a different decision in the past. but then again, i guess from God's perspective, i'm not a tree with tons of branches, i'm more like a bean stalk - just shootin straight up. one way. 

i really really want to eat something right now. it's 12:30 and i have to wake up at 7:30 so it's not like i'm gonna sleep in 4 hours so i really shouldn't eat. wanna know a secret? i just ate half of a coney island waffle cone ice cream container. gross. i'm such a disgusting fatty glutton it repulses me. yay!

so i've been a little down these days because i had to quit my harding elementary school thing. it makes me really sad that i'm QUITTING something so that i can make more money. i mean i know i need the money. but still. i wanna write oprah a letter and say "can you sponsor me so i can go to harding?" haha! i know a lot of you out there have faced the same thing...

anyways, i should go. hmm...should i eat an apple?

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