March 12, 2001

Monday

try for a moment to capture your life in a moment.

if you had to describe your life in one moment, what would it be? 

when i try and think about it i get a flood of all my happy, fun, laughing moments...times where my face and stomach hurt and i was crying from laughing so hard. so i guess if that's what i think of when i think about my life in a thought or moment, that means my life must have been pretty happy and fun...or that means i try and block out all the sad ones. haha...

anyways. do you see how the world compromises? 

i've been reading a lot about compromises in US history - the Compromise of 1820, the Compromise of 1850...what about the Compromise of Christianity? i remember in one of piper's sermons he was begging the congregation to not buy the "American dream"...to grow old, have kids and a dog, a white picket fence, then to retire in Florida and collect sea shells. after all, when we get to heaven, we can't very well say, "here Lord. here is my sea shell collection."

in any compromise - both sides give and take so they can reach an agreement, a fair settlement. however, in Christianity, there aint no room for compromise! we can't say, "Lord, i'll give you my sundays if you give me eternal life", or "Lord, for every thousand i make, i'll save a soul." in no way can we ever make any "deal" fair - what can we do that will be equal to the life and death of Christ? 

well my point is that compromise is everywhere. before i get any further, in no way do i talk about this as if i'm not at fault either. it something i see in life...got it? in LIFE. and since i'm a life, i'm talking about me too.

i remember someone making a certain comment that i thought was inappropriate for any Christian. i said so. the other person thought it was justified. then i said, "well this may sound stupid to say but Jesus would never say that". (now, i know that was stupid of me to say, but the comment was really really not a good one. very very against Christian belief.) then the other person said, "I'm not trying to be like Jesus, ok? yeah, Jesus wouldn't have said that but i'm not Jesus." they went on and asked me not to be "all Christian" on them. (me??? "all christian"?...i don't think so. try having a hard time struggling and coming to grips with a lot of things...)

so that's compromise. you can do certain things for God, and in exchange, you get to be a christian. or something like that. you're not going the whole mile...you compromise in your mind the level of Christianity you will adhere to. i'm confused with that whole issue (well, no, i'm pretty clear on it actually) cause i'm under the belief that being a christian is TRYING to be Christ-like - 1 Corinthians 11:1. so what do you do in those circumstances? i mean, i, of all people, am not the best person to "correct" anyone else. as most of you know, i'm very faulty. haha. i'm as faulty as California! ok. nevermind. anyways, so yeah, it makes it pretty darn hard to make any "christian" comments... especially to people who may think they're more "chrisitian" than you are.

but that's the killer! that's the clencher of paradox. the ultimate irony. i'm not quite at the level where my comments are of use to certain people who only respect the words of "better" christians...i do hope you all see the irony in this.

anyways. for me - my struggle with compromise is taking place as i type...in my life there are certain areas where i continuously compromise but there are other areas where i won't even bend with the wind. i suppose that's with most chrisitians. i don't really know what i've just typed about but i hope it hasn't been offensive...

i think eminem is an area of my compromise. cause he sure does have a potty mouth and say some not very nice things about girls and his wife. um hello! and jay-z. all he does is talk about girls and money and drinking. bling bling. but then again, come into my room and i'm bumpin to west coast gangsta rap... =P

when i start wishing i was smarter, or prettier, or thinner, or richer, or nicer, or friendlier, or well liked...(or all of the above at the same time) then i think i'm compromising my faith a lot....basically, i'm saying that if God had made me in a way that the world would like, i'd be much happier. how sad is that? here's an example of the influences of media and social pressure...not to mention Satan. haha...anyways...

anyways anyways anyways...

a month and a week till my msat. i haven't touched the stuff in 3 days.

oops. haha. oh well...

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