March 13, 2001
Tuesday
how many of us stand up for what we believe in? today when i saw all the african american students wearing all black with the black bandanas around their mouths with their arms linked together forming a "wall" under sather gate, i seriously got chills (i wish i had my camera!!!). it was a beautiful site. i can't help but respect their conviction which drives them to actively pursue what they believe is right. all these people joining together in a public display of their beliefs. we saw the same kind of representation during "I agree with Paul" week, we also saw representation with the israeli-palestinian "conflict" on campus where they staged the refuge camp...this may sound weird, but i wish there was something that would take place so that christians at cal could take that huge step forward like all these affirmative action people are doing. but freedom of religion allows us to worship so leisurely...not much to actively fight for in the political sense. well maybe at the level of conservative vs liberal but...yeah, anyways.
i don't have any doubt that if christianity were ever targeted or threatened in any way, we would all band together in the same way all these affirmative action supporters are doing. at the same time, you can go so far as to say that christianity IS being threatened everyday, not only on our campus but in the world in general. (i don't mean threatened in a "oh no! it's gonna die!" type of way...more of a "watch out") God has so much more to "compete" with. TV, media, internet, school, midterms, friends, work, internships, movies, grades...blah blah blah...i mean, if we're not careful, we could easily be sucked into the routine of nonsensical daily living. before you know it, you'll be collecting sea shells =)
so anyways. i gave a presentation in my psych class today...20% of my grade...sigh. i presented an article. the last time i read it was a week ago. i totally forgot and didn't re-read it before my presentation. doo doo dooooo. sniff sniff.
my mom and grandma are coming up tomorrow night for dinner. my mom called and told me about 10 minutes ago. isn't that funny? she NEVER calls me (i always call her) and so i was like, "what? what happened? why are you calling?" and she was like, "you're free at dinner time tomorrow, right? we're coming." and i was like "what?"
yeah. so they're coming. just for dinner though. they're making a whole nor cal sweep visiting friends and relatives in sacramento, san jose, bakersfield and me. they're leaving tomorrow morning and they have to be back the next day by 3 cause my mom has a lesson and later she has class. she's so crazy...busy busy busy...i think korea should have a national um-mah day. give them one day of rest a year. i think everyone can agree with me that korean mom's are just...so....(i'm speechless right now)...crazy!!! they're machines. maybe it's asian mom's. maybe it's mom's in general. all i know is when i think of my mom's life...i just shake my head and say to my self, "i would die. i could not do it." hopefully by the time i'm her age i'll be a professional um-mah too. haha.
i'm a little saddened by who i am. how frustrating it must be to be God and watch all these little stupid people on earth make the same mistakes over and over again. it's like this - to kill wolves in alaska sometimes they put a huge sword-like blade in the snow sticking up and they put a little blood on it. then a wolf can smell the blood so they start licking it. they don't realize that sooner or later, they're actually licking their own blood cause they cut themselves all over their mouth area. they usually find the wolf after it bleeds to death. that's what i feel like. i see something i want in life and i'm like, "OOOH! oh wow! neat! cool! i want it! hooray!" and then i end up slowly dying inside because it's not of TRUE subsistence. you think you know but you have no idea. (haha, that's the line they use in MTV Diary)
ok.
by the way...i read a few of my past entries and i feel so stupid.