January 21, 2001
Sunday
"No problem is so large it cannot be run away from."
Charles M. Schultz (Peanuts)
i have a tendency to run away from problems. not just silly ones, but it's usually the big giganto ones that i tend to 'forget'. i have this switch...when something hurts me...then POOF! it's gone. i just turn of the hurt switch. (but technically, i'm just running away, get it?) yes...i have a certain friend who always tells me of this fact.
so last night i was really really down. i can't really say much about it cause the topic deals with people whom you all may be able to pinpoint it to. sigh. it's just that when you see a friend doing something that you wish they wouldn't do because it not only hurts them, but it may also trigger something that runs a lot deeper than they would ever know...then it becomes more of a personal thing - you know? i see what they may do and then it triggers the horribly sad memory in myself...but then your friends may think that you're just saying it just cause you think it's wrong or something. when in reality, it's cause all you can see is the other memory you link to it - the sad reason. but then again, why would it matter to them...i mean, it's not their responsibility or fault. it's me that attaches that sad memory to what they may be doing...then again...i think it's just cause i want to keep running away from that problem and it makes me sad to see it represented in the things they may do - i don't want to even think about it but when i kinda see it, i get sad. oh well. julia just needs to suck it up and take it like a man (man/woman you know what i mean...i don't need to be PC with y'all do i?)
so a few days ago i bleached the middle ring section around my head (a patch from ear to ear). i left it like that for a few days...Mike Park told me i looked like a tiger...a crouching tiger. but then today i dyed the blond parts blue. UM. first of all, it stained like my entire sink. and then it took like an HOUR in the bath tub to rinse it out. so then it stained my entire bath tub. it was still blue after i shampooed and conditioned but i had to get out of there so i just ended my shower with my hair still dripping blue. AN HOUR. i spent a whole hour rinsing it out and it was still blue. oh well...i did it just for fun. it was a spontaneous thing so i haven't really thought about it yet.
i really liked laberton's message today...he made this one point that i thought was interesting - would it be possible for the church today to be able to worship God or the idea of God if God didn't really exist? (the idea that many christians today act as christians and worship as christians but don't really understand the implications- the reality of God is more like a reality of how a christian should act in this day and age...you know, following the stereotypes and modeling after images of what people label as being 'good' christians, but not really having a fundamental knowledge and conviction of a person that desires to worship and glorify God forever...the fact that for many people, they could continue in their style of worship EVEN IF God were to not exist but in THEIR minds they thought he did...this would be a case in which ironically, the foundation of their christianity was not really present yet they continue to worship in a way that they THINK is glorifying to God...but in reality, they've made an idol of this god by creating him to be what they envision god to be...) i'm not sure if i worded that correctly so that you can understand...its kinda like this - we do so many things but...ugh. i don't know how to write this...so yeah...i thought it was a good point.
i'm trying to sing for an hour everyday but it's REALLY hard. i think so far i sing for like 5-10 minutes...i'm trying to build up my lungs, my voice, and control (just to let you know - i'm a beginner)...i made myself an aretha franklin CD today!
geez. i type a lot, don't i? haha...peter choi thinks so =) hi peter!
rowr. i'm a crouching tiger.
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