Act I, Scene 1. California. Thirtysomething MARGE’s reverie about the single man on her milk carton is interrupted by the news--broadcast by the mysterious BLONDIE--that a teller at the local bank is dead and that there are still no leads in the ten year old theft of a carton of milk from Sam's Twenty Four Hour Market. Marge's ten year old son JACKIE (doubled with RUFUS) tells her that he and his younger sister poisoned the cookies they gave the bank teller. Further, Jackie has called the police and told them Marge baked the cookies. Marge flees, leaving her children to fend for themselves.

Act I, Scene 2. Marge limps along a highway on the outskirts of town. BRUCE, the man on the milk carton and about her age, offers Marge a ride. She reluctantly accepts. Bruce, Marge learns, is on the run from "milk," a conspiratorial corporate entity.

Act I, Scene 3. Bruce persuades Marge to join him in seeking Rufus, a reputed freelance version of the witness protection program rumored to be living somewhere in Montana. Marge hopes that a new identity will allow her to start over. Bruce coerces Marge into helping him steal a VW, and he wrecks his old car to cover their tracks.

Act I, Scene 4. A rest stop in Northern Nevada. Bruce breaks into a slot machine and tries to get Marge to join him. Blondie arrives, "sent" by Rufus, whom she has seen--sort of. Blondie departs as abruptly as she arrived. Hoping she will lead them to Rufus, they follow her. They abandon the VW and steal a Buick Regal.

Act I, Scene 5. Marge and Bruce tail Blondie to a mini-mart on the Idaho side of the Idaho-Montana border. Marge has a breakthrough and rearranges the store's dairy case. No longer a victim, she joins Bruce in going on a rampage of irresponsibility—for example, yelling "fire" in a movie theater. Bruce and Marge, still following Blondie, cross the border into Montana, and as the act ends, they arrive at a dairy farm.

Act II. The dairy farm. Bruce and Marge discover that the cows they have been observing are fake. They are arguing about what to do with the cows—Bruce has decapitated one—when Blondie returns and confronts them, telling them to put it back together. To distract Blondie, Bruce pretends that one of the cows is dying. Blondie plays along and suggests the cow has died. Bruce threatens her: tell where Rufus is or else. A herd of stampeding cows carries Blondie away before Bruce can act on his threat. Bruce and Marge recover to find RUFUS standing nearby wearing a mask. He gives them blindfolds to wear and surveys to fill out--so that they can receive new identities. Rufus tells a "milk story" about his start as a security guard at a convenience store that ends in his accusing Bruce of the Sam's Market robbery that ruined Rufus’ life. Bruce tries to force Rufus to hand over the new identities and eventually finds them in one of the stuffed cows. Marge decides to return to her children—to prevent them from going into foster care—and return to her life of responsibilities. Bruce tries to take her hostage, but Blondie’s return at the head of the stampeding cow herd thwarts Bruce’s plan.

MARGE NANCY REAGAN BALLMOTH, harried thirtysomething mother
JACKIE, her eight year old son, probably played by the actor who plays Rufus
MARGE'S HUSBAND, played by the actor who plays Rufus
BRUCE, the average-looking man from the milk carton and about Marge's age
BLONDIE, a youngish, not necessarily blond woman
RUFUS, a mysterious freelance version of the witness protection program living in Montana