| My Story Continued... |
| My sophomore year was another depressing year of name-calling and harassment. The depression continued. I got my drivers license, but didn�t use it much as I never went out with friends. After tenth grade, I went on another mission trip, this time to Michigan. By this time, I knew I was gay, and accepted the fact that I was gay. I had associated myself with the label, but had not come out to anyone. In the middle of the week, I heard a sermon about how we need to fight off the �giants� in our lives, as David fought Goliath. I thought my homosexuality was a giant, and picked up another girlfriend, Regan. She was from Omaha, Nebraska. We never really kissed, but we held hands and talked a lot. On the way home, I made remarks about hot girls and how they were attractive, trying to change the way I was. Regan and I talked on the phone and chatted online a lot, but after a month, I realized that it just wasn�t going to work. She was my last girlfriend, keyword �last.� During my junior year, I received the same harassment at school. In late October, I learned of a guy named T who I met up with once to talk with. He was 19 at the time and sort of a mentor. Throughout my junior year, I would call him up late at night and talk with him for an hour or more. This became a daily thing for a while, and he really helped to keep my self-esteem up. He helped me to realize that there are more gay people out there other than just myself. I had started working at Papa Murphy�s the summer before my junior year and continued working there during school. It was not the greatest job, but Diana was the original manager until Lisa took over. Lisa was really friendly, and became a mentor for me. She was the first person I came out to in December of 2000. I also came out to my good friend Jaime at that time. I had met Jaime at a speech meet in eighth grade, and we talked quite often through emails. They were both really supporting and helped me to get through the tough times when I actually realized and accepted the fact that I was gay. After my junior year, I attended the American Legion Boys� State. Halfway through the week I met Josef. We talked for an hour in a soundproof room in the lounge of our dorm. At this time, I did not know that he was gay. We befriended right away because we had both been harassed by and left out of our cities (groups we were divided into for the week). By Friday, we both knew each other was gay, and we started to go out. He was my first boyfriend, my first boy kiss, my first everything. He was great, but after three months, I broke off our long distance relationship due to lack of communication. When I came home from Boys� State, I felt more courageous and started to come out to my coworkers at Papa Murphy�s and some of my close friends on MSN, as they were in France at the time. Everyone took it well and looked at me in pretty much the same way as they had before I told them. It was great to know that I would be starting my senior year of high school, being able to be my true self around my friends. At this time, I also came out to my parents. When I came home from Boys� State all I talked about was Josef, and my dad asked me if there was more between Josef and me than just friends. I sheepishly answered positively. He then continued to say he was proud of me no matter what my sexual orientation was and that he would always love me because I was his son. His only regret was that he would not have grandchildren from me. Well, guess what Dad, I can and more than likely will adopt! (but not for quite a while) After Josef, a coworker hooked me up with Joe. He had just come out to a couple friends two weeks prior, and when we met, we jumped into a relationship. He was not ready and dumped me after three days. He was nice, but needed more time to figure out his emotions. In November, my friend Jaime hooked me up with her friend Casey. We started chatting a lot on MSN, and one day he said he wanted to meet me. He came over for the weekend and we started our relationship. We visited each other about every three weeks, and I was getting really attached to him. On New Year�s Eve, I was at his house, and he decided that it would be best if he broke up with me, because of our few differences. This crushed me, but I stayed for the party to see Jaime. There, he saw me dancing with Jaime, became jealous and asked for me back. I stupidly said yes, and continued going out with him for another month before I finally got over him and we mutually decided it was time to move on. By this time, I had really come to terms with myself, and started to answer truthfully when anyone would ask me if I was gay. If they brought up the topic, I would talk, otherwise it was never talked about. In the end of January, I was assigned a semester project for World Literature and decided to create this website. Since that time, I have come out to the majority of my school, and most of the people at my new place of employment. Everyone knows that I am gay, and there seems to be less harassment than there was before everyone knew. In the end of April, I sent my website to the Queers and Allies network at Gustavus, telling them I would be visiting soon. While there, I met with about half the group. I also met Matt. We seemed to really click. Everything we talked about we had in common. He asked me if I would go out with him, and I responded positively. The only trouble was, I had talked with Drew the night before, and had took a keen liking to him. A friend from school had introduced him to me, and we had just started to get to know each other. Although Matt and I had so much in common, we could not carry on a good conversation. We just had nothing to talk about. After two weeks, we mutually agreed to break it off, as distance was also a problem. A week later, I was going out with Drew. Drew is awesome. We share the same personality and same outlook on life. Although some of our other opinions differ, we are able to talk for hours upon hours without having any silence. My life continues. I am currently scrounging to finish homework so I can get my diploma, while also putting in 20 to 30 hours of work at my job. I also have time to work in a social life with Drew and other friends as well. I will be attending Gustavus Adolphus College in the fall, with a perspective major in Psychology. ~Jonathan~ |
 |