Parenting Toddlers
Potty Training
Other Potty Training Info:
l Readiness Checklist
l The ABC's of Toilet Training
This Page:
l What doesn't work
l What DOES work
What Doesn't Work
STARTING TOO SOON
While there's no magic age at which a child is ready to start using the potty, most toddlers will develop the necessary physical and cognitive skills between 18 and 24 months of age (though some aren't ready to start until they're as old as 4). Starting before your child is ready will just end up prolonging the process. Use our checklist to keep track of your toddler's progress toward readiness.
STARTING AT THE WRONG TIME
Beginning training a week before the new baby is due, when you're planning a move, or during any other disruptive event in your child's life is not a good idea. Toddlers are creatures of routine, and any changes are likely to cause setbacks in their behavior. Instead, wait until things have settled down and then start.
PUTTING ON THE PRESSURE
If your child has started to show an interest in toilet training, that's great. But don't push her to get through it faster than she's ready to. If she gets nervous, she could start withholding her stool, which can lead to constipation and other problems.
Let her take her time and get used to this new, complicated process step by step; she'll move from one stage to the next in her own time. Of course, it's perfectly all right to try to stimulate her interest with gentle reminders, stories, and encouragement, but if she balks, don't push her.
LISTENING TO YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW'S ADVICE
It will get harder with each passing week, but no matter how many times you hear your parents, your in-laws, or someone else from an earlier generation tell you that you're waiting too long to toilet train, ignore them (unless your child is heading off to college in diapers -- then they have a point).
Toilet training methods have changed a lot in the last 40 years, and what was standard practice when you were a child is no longer the norm. Research has shown that children can't voluntarily use the muscles that control their bladder and rectum until they're at least 18 months old.
So if you hear any more stories about Cousin Jim's son, who was trained by his first birthday, smile, nod, and say, "We have a plan. We're not worried about it."
PUNISHING YOUR CHILD
Getting angry or punishing your child if he's not interested in training, won't sit on the potty, has an accident, or runs into any of the other common problems of toilet training won't accomplish a thing.
Setbacks are natural, and getting upset or scolding him will only make your child less interested in training; he'll be afraid of making any more mistakes and making you angry. He may also start withholding his stool, which can lead to painful constipation. If you can, respond to messes and other challenges calmly; if you can't, bite your tongue, count to 10, then try again.
What DOES Work
WAITING UNTIL YOUR CHILD IS READY
While there's no magic age at which a child is ready to start using the potty, most toddlers will develop the necessary physical and cognitive skills between 18 and 24 months (though some aren't ready to start until they're as old as 4). Use our checklist to keep track of your toddler's progress toward readiness.
TAKING IT SLOW
Mastering the various steps of toilet training can take a long time. Yes, some children will finish in just a few days, but others need weeks or even months, especially to complete nighttime training.
Don't push your child to get through training faster than she's ready for. Let her take her time and get used to this new, complicated process step by step; she'll move from one stage to the next in her own time. Of course, it's perfectly all right to try to stimulate her interest with gentle reminders, stories, and encouragement. If she balks, don't push her too hard.
MAKING A PLAN
Before you even buy your child a potty seat, it's a good idea to think through a plan for how you'd like to handle training. Decide when and how you want to start, what (if any) incentives you want to use, how to handle accidents, when to back off, and so on.
Discuss your plan with your childcare provider and your child's pediatrician; both are likely to have a lot of experience and advice to share. Once you've come up with a final plan, be sure you and everyone else who takes care of your child sticks to it (barring unexpected setbacks and other toilet training challenges, of course).
PRAISING YOUR CHILD
Throughout training, your child will be looking to you for positive reinforcement of his new skills. Don't disappoint him. Whenever he moves on to a new step or tries to use his potty (even when he doesn't quite succeed), tell him he's doing well and that you're proud of him. But don't go overboard; too much praise can make him nervous and afraid to fail, which can lead to more accidents and setbacks.
ACCEPTING THAT THERE WILL BE ACCIDENTS
Virtually every child will have several accidents before being completely trained during the day and at night. Don't get angry or punish your child; after all, it's only recently that his muscles have developed sufficiently to allow him to hold his bladder and rectum closed at all. Mastering the process will take time. When he has an accident, calmly clean it up and suggest that next time he try using his potty instead.
Toilet Training Books for Kids
By Rose Kennedy
Parents who need a little help figuring out how to introduce the idea of toilet training are in luck. You can head to the library or bookstore -- around the corner or online -- and pick up one of the many kids' books that explain toilet training in a casual, take-it-or-leave-it way.
Reading one of these books with your child provides you with a script, a real boon if you're uncomfortable bringing up bathroom topics. It can be much easier to just follow a story than to try to explain the process yourself.
Plus, bringing home a toilet training book helps you and your mate decide exactly what you are comfortable with when it comes to potty talk. With so many out there, you're bound to find a book that doesn't delve too deeply into the biology of it all for your tastes.
Of course, once you've read one, you may be more comfortable with the next being a bit more forthright. As Fred Rogers (aka Mr. Rogers) points out in the parents' introduction to Going to the Potty (see below), you can feel free to substitute your own terminology for the words in the books (that is, if you want your child to say "doodoo," and the book you're reading says "poopie," improvise).
Most of the available child-oriented toilet training titles have been around for at least a couple of years. The "best" one is the one that's best for you -- they vary widely in their explicitness and graphics. Here are a few good ones to choose from:
Once Upon a Potty, by Alona Frankel
Bright, inviting, simple images and a "story" tone make this book a hit with kids who are used to "Little Red Riding Hood" and the like. The children in the illustrations are anatomically correct, and the prose tells what comes out where. The best part is that there are separate titles for boys and girls.
I Can Go Potty, by Bonnie Worth
Muppet Baby Kermit of all people (er, frogs) stars in this charming, low-key board book. It gets across one message, and one message only: It's really cool to be able to use the potty. (No green bowel movements or male private parts here.) Perfect for introducing your child to the concept, but you'll need a different book if you actually want to explain details.
Going to the Potty, by Fred Rogers
Mr. Rogers has gone all-out to show diverse, confident children doing their business. It's a great pick for parents who need a potty conversation starter because it emphasizes that children will feel good about training and that it's okay for them to make mistakes. It's matter-of-fact about urine and bowel movements and why your body eliminates them, but it doesn't show genitals.
Your New Potty, by Joanna Cole
This photo-essay of Steffi and Ben learning to use the toilet is pleasant and eye-catching. It's also helpful for parents because Steffi and Ben's parents say all the right things as they introduce the potty, praise results, accept backslides, and handle accidents. The text points out boy-girl differences, but the photos don't show private parts.
Uh Oh! Gotta Go! Potty Tales from Toddlers, by Bob McGrath
This book by Sesame Street veteran Bob McGrath is similar to books in which everyone goes to sleep, only here everyone's going to the potty, each with his own little twist. Corinne, for example, makes toilet paper snowballs, Tom checks out the bathroom at every store he visits, and Jermaine, we learn, is the toilet champ! It's rah-rah but never too sweet. Ideal for the parent who's uncomfortable with the direct approach.
Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, Amanda Mayer Stinchecum (translator)
This book is fast-paced and up-front, showing how and why different animals poop, including humans. It's great for the science-and-nature kid (or parent), and, with its bold drawings, is perfect for the visually oriented child.