Parenting Toddlers

Potty Training

On this page:
l     Readiness Checklist
l     ABC's of Toilet Training

On attached pages:
l     Training Boys vs. Girls
l    What Works
l    What Doesn't Work

When Should My Child Be Trained?

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most children today are not toilet trained until they are at least two and a half and a third of them are still in diapers after their third birthday. Twenty-five years ago, 90 percent of children were out of diapers by the time they were two and a half.

ToiletTraining Readiness Checklist

It probably seems like just yesterday that you changed your baby's first diaper, but before you know it she'll be ready to start toilet training. While there's no magic age at which a child is ready to start using the potty, most toddlers will develop the necessary physical and cognitive skills between 18 and 24 months of age (though some aren't ready to start until they're as old as 4). Use the checklist below to keep track of your toddler's progress toward readiness.

You don't have to wait until you've checked off every item to start training; rather, look for a general trend toward independence and an understanding of what it means to go to the bathroom like a grown-up.

Your child may be ready to start toilet training if she:

* Has regular, soft, formed bowel movements

* Can pull her pants up and down

* Imitates others' bathroom habits (likes to watch you go to the    bathroom, wants to wear underwear, etc.)

* Makes a physical demonstration when she's having a bowel movement    (grunting, squatting, telling you, etc.)

* Has words for stool and urine

* Can follow simple instructions ("Go get the toy," etc.)

* Understands the physical signals that mean she has to go and can    tell you before it happens

* Dislikes the feeling of being in a dirty diaper

* Has "dry" periods of at least three or four hours (this shows her bladder muscles are developed enough to hold her urine in and store  it)

* Isn't negative about everything

* Understands the value of putting things where they belong

* Demonstrates a desire for independence

* Can walk and sit down

The ABC's of Toilet Training

Most parents eagerly anticipate toilet training as a milestone in their child's development -- if for no other reason than that it means an end to changing diapers. But few moms and dads are prepared for how long it can take. Yes, some children get it within a few days. But many more -- including yours? -- can take several months. You and your child have a better chance of success if you know the basics of training and can make the process clear to your child.

A -- ASSESS YOUR CHILD'S READINESS SKILLS

Most people begin training when their child is about two and a half years old; but some kids may not be ready until well into their fourth year. Watch for the right signs, such as imitating others' bathroom habits, and don't pressure your child to start before he's ready.


B -- BUY THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT

First and foremost, this means investing in a child-sized potty or a special seat to attach to your regular toilet.   (FYI: Whichever you choose, make sure your child can stabilize himself with his feet so he can push when he's having a bowel movement.) You may also want to pick up an explanatory picture book or video for your child to help him get interested in training.


C -- CREATE A ROUTINE

Set your child fully clothed on the potty seat once a day -- after breakfast, before his bath, or whenever else he's likely to have a bowel movement (BM). This allows him to get used to the potty and accept it as part of his routine. If he doesn't want to sit on it, that's okay. Never restrain him or physically force him to sit there.  And especially don't push the issue if he seems scared.

In both cases, it's better to put the potty away, or at least aside, for a few weeks or a month and then try again. If he's willing to sit there, great. But at this stage, don't even try to explain why he should poop or pee there; you just want him to get used to the thing. Make sure it's always in a convenient place -- since it's portable, your child's potty can travel outside, in the playroom, or even (go figure) the bathroom.


D -- DITCH THE DIAPER

Set your child on the potty seat ... diaperless. Again, let him get used to what it feels like to sit there this way. At this point you can start explaining that this is what Mommy and Daddy (and any older siblings) do every day. That is, undressing before you sit down to go to the bathroom is the grownup thing to do.

If he gets the idea and produces something, that's fine. But don't push him to perform. Again, wait until he's ready  and demonstrates a clear interest in using the toilet on his own.


E -- EXPLAIN THE PROCESS

Show your child where his bowel movements go. The next time he goes in his diaper, take him to his potty, sit him down, and empty the diaper beneath him into the bowl. This will help him make the connection between sitting and producing. After you've emptied his potty into the big toilet, let him flush if he wants to (but don't make him do it if he's scared) so he can see where it goes. Teach him to dress himself and wash his hands when he's done.


F -- FOSTER INDEPENDENCE

Encourage your child to use his potty whenever he feels the urge to go. But make sure he knows that he can tell you, too, and that you'll take him to the bathroom whenever he wants you to. If you can, let him run around sometimes without a diaper (or any clothing below the waist), with the potty nearby . Tell him he can use it whenever he wants to and remind him occasionally that it's there if he needs it.


G -- GRAB SOME TRAINING PANTS

Once training is underway, you can consider adding training pants --  extra-thick cloth or disposable ones -- to your routine. Many parents say the cloth ones work better because your child can really feel it when he pees or poops in them. What do you think?

Says one  mom: "Kids just don't realize they're peeing when they're wearing disposable training pants, since they're so much like a diaper. Sure, they're a lot easier to deal with in a public restroom -- but there's a price for that convenience." Whichever option you choose, introduce them gradually, probably for a few hours at a time, and stick with diapers at night for the time being.

When your child seems mostly trained, you may want to move on to "big kid" underwear. Many moms and dads have found that undies with a favorite cartoon character all over them make a dandy incentive to stay dry.


H -- HANDLE SETBACKS GRACEFULLY

Virtually every child will have several accidents before being completely trained during the day and at night. Don't get angry or punish your child; after all, it's only recently that his muscles have developed sufficiently to allow him to hold his bladder and rectum closed at all. Mastering the process will take time. When he has an accident, calmly clean it up and suggest that next time he try using his potty instead.


I -- INTRODUCE NIGHT TRAINING

Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take him several more months or years to master night training, so don't throw away his diapers just yet (if he refuses to wear diapers, put a plastic sheet under the cloth ones to minimize your cleanup after accidents). At this age, his body is still too immature to reliably wake him up in the middle of the night just to go to the bathroom.

You can help cut down on wet nights by not letting him drink too much before bedtime and telling him that if he does wake up in the middle of the night he can call to you to help him get to the potty. You can also try leaving his potty near the bed in case he wants to use it.


J -- JUMP FOR JOY --YOU'RE DONE!

Believe it or not, when your child is ready to learn this new grownup skill, he will. And if you wait until he's really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you. He will eventually be trained, and you won't have to think about it again -- at least, not until the next baby.