Max: You are an idiot.
Roxy: Yeah, you're an idiot. I'm telling you...Look at her, I mean, spikey hair, square head. That's a guy....I should know. (about Rae)
Judge Fitzwater: Would you like to elucidate?
Roxy: (Pause)No, I think I can hold it.
Todd: All right, sis, this is what you're going to do. You're going to have a big New Year's eve party and you're going to invite Sam. And when he gets here, you're going to spike his champagne with...go-away drops.
Sam: Oh, and by the way, don't let Matthew eat any chocolate. If he does, he gets all wound up and he doesn't sleep well at night.
Todd: Hey, Matthew. My name's Todd. Want some chocolate?
Starr: He(Matthew) actually likes playing with Jack.
Todd: Jack's not so bad.
Starr: Yeah, not now. But what if he keeps hanging out with Matthew?
Todd: Oh. I see what you're saying. You know, maybe we shouldn't let Matthew come here anymore.
Starr: Or Sam.
Todd: You don't like Sam either?
Starr: Where do you think Matthew gets it from?
Dorian: You've met my niece Blair?
Joey: Yeah, she was my grandma for like five minutes.
Blair: It's just a little ole virus, can't you give it an antibiotic or something? (about the computer)
Sam: Did someone come along and rescue him(Todd)?
Blair: No, Gilligan built himself a raft.
Dorian: There's no cure for what ails Todd until they come up with a personality transplant.
Todd: What are you gonna do, hack me up with an angry poem? "I hate Todd because he smells like a scrod."
Dorian: Well, Viki. I get accused of murder and they're selling tickets to my execution. You confess to it and they make you prom queen.
Todd: So, Alex Hesser, what pushed you over the edge? Was it giving birth to a stillborn pillow?
Jean: You haven't met Tommy.
Suzanna: Perhaps you'll allow us to have a conversation sometime.
Jean: One doesn't have a conversation with Tommy. One ducks and hopes for the best.
Hank: Where were you when the lights went out?
Todd: In the dark.
Nora: I didn't believe you when you told me she(Alex) made bail.
Bo: Well, the judge figured that keeping her in prison violated the other prisoners' rights.
Dorian: Are you one of those men who falls fast and hard and then has second thoughts in the morning?
Mel: I'm lucky if I have a first thought.
Nora: There's not a judge this side of insanity that would grant you bail. You're a bigger flight risk than Amelia Earheart. (To Alex)
Blair: Why do you always automatically accept anything bad someone says about me? Especially Tina, the two brain cells she has don't function on the same day, you know.
Bo: When is the last time you saw Craig Lombard?
Mitch: Well, that would have to be before I lost my sight
Roxy: M is for the macaroni and cheese you gave me, O is for the olive in my drink, T is for the taxi you put me in and sent me to school when you won big (quoting a Mother's Day card Natalie gave her when she was young)
Matthew: Dr. Troy used to be my mom's boyfriend
Starr: Yeah? Get in line
Cristian: It'll get better.
Natalie: Two women sharing a bathroom? Hon, you really are clueless, aren't you?
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