Page full of Lists...
Interesting coffee break reading?
1/ It's an incentive to show up.
2/ It reduces stress.
3/ It leads to more honest communications.
4/ It reduces complaints about low pay.
5/ It cuts down on time off because you can come into work with a hangover.
6/ Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7/ It helps save on heating costs in winter.
8/ It encourages car pooling.
9/ Increased job satisfaction because if your work sucks, you don't care.
10/ Less vacation time because people would rather come to work.
11/ It makes fellow employees look better.
12/ It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13/ Bosses are more likely to hand out raises if they are wasted.
14/ Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15/ Suddenly burping at a board meeting isn't so embarrassing.
16/ Increased overtime since employees no longer need to relax at the bar for a few drinks before going home.
17/ It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18/ Decreased tardiness if the bar is open when you punch in for work.
19/ No need to get drunk during lunch break. You already are!
20/ Increased chances of seeing your boss and other employees naked.
21/ Vodka promotes better foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
22/ The janitor's closet will finally have a use. Liquor storage!
23/ Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24/ Babbling and mumbling incoherently wil be common language.
25/ Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross".
26/ Everyone agrees that work is better after they have had a few drinks.
1/ Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by you point of veiw.
2/ The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3/ I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
4/ Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5/ I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a shit.
6/ I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7/ What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
8/ I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9/ I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10/ Ahhh... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited again...
11/ I will always cherish the misconseptions I have had about you.
12/ It a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
13/ Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
14/ No, my powers can only be used for good!
15/ How about never? Is never good enough for you?
16/ I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
17/ You sound reasonable... Time for my medication!
18/ I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
19/ I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
20/ I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
21/ Who, me? I just wander from room to room.
22/ My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
23/ 24/ At least I have a possitive attitude about my destructive habits.
24/ It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
25/ You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
26/ I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
27/ Someday, we'll all look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
* I worked at an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
* I tried working in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it.
* I once tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. I found it to be a sew-sew job.
* My job at the muffler shop was too exhausting.
* I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
* I tried to become a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
* I attempted to work in a deli, but any way I sliced it, I just couldn't cut the mustard.
* My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
* I studied for years at med school to be a doctor, but I lost my patients.
* The shoe factory? I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
* I became a professional fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
* I had a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but found the work to be draining.
* I had a job at the zoo feeding the giraffes, but I got fired because I couldn't measure up to their expectations.
* They sais, "I wasn't fit for the job", when I applied for work at the gym.
* I thought that being an electrician might be exciting, but I was shocked when I started working.
* After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
* My last job was at Starbucks, but I had to quit when I got tired of the same old grind.
** Got any ideas? I'm open for suggestions...
Maybe you can think of something that works... because I don't!
1/ You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar.
2/ You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
3/ You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.
4/ You've decided to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.
5/ People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
6/ You are no longer content with merely photocopying your butt, you now scan and enhance it with Photoshop.
7/ You now only require a single can of Pepsi to belch the names of all seven dwarfs.
8/ The 4th Division of Paperclips has over run the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called in for reinforcements.